The Ultraviolence of Regina Mills
by QueenMills
Summary: Regina had never lived a day that didn't belong to someone else. She had been Mother's little queen. She had been Mrs. White. Now, she was going to be someone else. This is the ultraviolence of Regina Mills. Dark content. Dragon Queen and eventual, slow burn Swan Queen. Modern AU without magic. I hope you like pain.
1. Chapter 1: Cruel World

The Ultraviolence of Regina Mills

 **Welcome one and all to my new fic. I wanted to use an AU to explore some of the darker elements of Regina's life. I will warn you now, this is going to be quite dark. This is an AU fic where there is no magic, Emma and Snow are only friends, and the "kingdoms" are all security corporations. If you have more questions, feel free to ask them.**

 **Anything in italics is a flashback.**

 **Description: Regina had never lived a day that didn't belong to someone else. She had been Mother's little angel. She had been Mrs. White. Now, she was going to be someone else. This is the ultraviolence of Regina Mills. Dark content. Dragon Queen and eventual Swan Queen. Modern AU without magic.**

 **Trigger Warnings: Dubcon, noncom, physical/emotional abuse, drug use, and some character death. I am pulling no punches this time. Now, let's get started.**

Chapter 1: Cruel World

 _Flashbulbs assaulted her as she descended the stairs outside of her apartment._

 _"Mrs. White! Miss White are you concerned with the allegations Mary Margaret has raised about Mr. White?"_

 _"Mrs. White! Mrs. White, please look over here!"_

 _"Regina! Is it true that you were having an affair when your husband was found?"_

 _"Mrs. White do you have any comment about your husband's condition?"_

 _On and on the voices screamed. Regina clutched Henry tighter as the security guards tried to part the crowd of reporters._

 _"Mrs. White, do you think your husband was murdered?" Another reporter shouted. The crowd pressed up against the lines of guards, and Regina silently prayed that they would be able to make it to the car._

 _"Henry! Henry look at me! Henry, is Mr. White your real father!?"_

 _Regina's eyes whipped in the direction of the voice, her face pulled into a snarl._

 _"Don't you dare talk to my son like that!"_

Inhale. Exhale. The smoke lingered in the air. Regina was laid out on a long white mattress in the beach house she had rented for the weekend. The cigarette that hung from her lips deposited ash onto the pillow beside her, but she barely noticed. In the adjacent bathroom, Mallory Stratton was cutting lines of oxycodone to refuel the highs they had started last night.

"Mal." Regina mumbled, clinging to the cigarette with her lips. She turned onto her side and looked out to the water through the floor length windows.

"Mal!" She called again, sitting up. Her head felt like it was filled with cotton and her stomach was slightly unsettled.

"What?" Mallory called back. She was clad only in her underwear, with a razorblade in one hand and a joint in the other.

"Give me a hit of that." Regina murmured. Mal smirked and sauntered over to the little mess she tried to love. She extended the joint and took the cigarette in return. They both took a long drag.

"Mmmm. Come here." Regina said with a sigh, her free hand grasping at the air. Mal chuckled.

"No. You come here. Your lines are ready." She answered.

" _Sydney, you need to be discreet. No one can know that you and I…" She trailed off, unwilling to say it. She really did hate to lie._

 _"Are in love?" He asked, pulling her in close. He leaned in to Regina's face, his breath warming her lips._

 _"Exactly. No one can know. So, I need you to be…"_

 _"A shadow?" He asked. He kissed her passionately. She reciprocated, hoping that this would be enough. Their kiss broke._

 _"Yes." She answered, feigning breathlessness. He moved his hand down her back, cupping her backside._

 _"Oh, no one will know a thing, my love." He whispered. His grip tightened._

Exhale. Inhale. The oxys made their way up Regina's nasal cavity. She inhaled deeply, sucking everything up through one nostril. She leaned down and did the same with the other. 

_The lights of the hospital almost seemed like they were brighter than the flashbulbs. Henry trembled under her hands._

 _"Mom, did dad die?" He asked quietly. Regina continued to shake._

 _"No, Henry."_

 _"What happened to him?"_

 _"I don't know." She whispered. Was it a lie? Well, not entirely. She didn't know what exactly had happened to him. She did, however, know that he didn't have much time left. Perhaps there was a god after all._

The narcotics were bitter and once they began their drip down, Regina almost felt like everything was going to be ok.

"Mal?" She whispered. The blonde woman approached from behind and pressed herself against Regina's back.

"Yes, my darling?" She asked. Regina wanted to say so many things, but she couldn't form the words.

"Light me another cigarette, will you?" She asked. The pills made their way into her blood and numbed her out. It was a gradual process, and yet, suddenly, she could only feel a gentle euphoria. Mal walked away for a moment and a lighter was flicked. She returned with a cigarette.

"Here." She offered. Regina turned around and took the cigarette. She dragged long and hard.

"You haven't seen any paparazzi, have you?" She asked.

"No, not a soul." The blonde assured her. They had hired a group of guards to watch over the perimeter, but Regina was never one to trust anyone implicitly. She smiled, accepting the assurance.

"Good." She whispered. She then reached for her lover and drew her close.

"Mal." She said.

"Yes, your majesty?" She whispered, allowing herself to be drawn in. Their gazes lingered on another. Their breath was smoky. Regina's fingers found their way into her lover's messy hair. She brought her face in close and bit down on Mal's lips.

 _Regina found herself sitting in the police station. Officers had guided her into one of the interrogation rooms. Coffee sat on the wooden table, steaming. Regina sat quietly on the chair provided for her, but didn't bother with the coffee. After a few minutes a female detective entered and sat down in the other chair._

 _"Thank you for agreeing to meet with us, Mrs. White. I am detective Briar. I've been handling your husband's case."_

 _"We found an excess of Potassium in your husband's bloodstream. We believe that someone tried to-"_

 _"Oh god, you don't think someone would try to kill him?" Regina said, her hand dramatically moving to cover her mouth._

 _"Actually we do." The detective said. Regina sighed and then took a sharp breath, readying herself for the tears she would need to remain the victim._

 _"Why are they doing this to us?" Regina whispered, finally finding her first tear. They began to spill out of her eyes. She wiped one away, smearing her makeup. The detective pulled a pack of tissues out of her pocket._

 _"We don't know that yet, but I wanted to ask you some questions about a woman named Mallory Stratton and your association with her."_

The taste of blood was sweet on her tongue, but Mal didn't pull back. It wasn't like she could really feel the pain anyway. Their kiss deepened. One of them let out a small moan.

 _"You did it!" Regina sang. Sydney held her close, kissing a trail down her neck._

 _"I did everything you asked of me. Oh, Regina, I love you so much." He said. She rose from the bed, not bothering to cover herself. She walked to her closet and threw open the doors._

 _"I am finally free." She breathed. She took out one of her dresses, one of the Westwoods and she threw it onto the floor. She took another, this one a Chanel, and tore it down the middle. A laugh tore through her, wild and frightening. It was infectious and soon Sydney was laughing as well. She ran over to the nightstand and leaned on it, suddenly feeling the effects of the Rohypnol she had taken before they had gotten into bed. Before she had let him fuck her._

 _"Are you alright, Regina?" The older man warned, moving to get up._

 _"Ohhh, no Sydney. Don't get up. I have one more little prop to complete this act." She slurred. Growing more concerned, Sydney moved to help her stand. She smacked his hands away._

 _"Don't fucking touch me, you rat." Regina whispered. She turned to face him, her eyes wild._

 _"What do you mean?" He asked, terrified. He tried to help her once more, but she was having none of it. She pulled open the drawer to the nightstand and pulled out a gun._

 _"You are so stupid." She managed to say. Sydney stopped cold, sweat pooling on his brow._

 _"You really think I loved you, even for a second? You drugged me, you raped me, and then? Then you tried to kill me." She whispered, smiling. His face changed from terrified to confused and back._

 _"What?" He whispered shakily. Then she turned the gun on herself and fired two shots._

What a year it had been. This was supposed to be the year that she finally got her life back. The bullet wounds on her arm and hip were still sore, scarring nicely, but reminders of her victory. Even with the other woman moving between her thighs, she couldn't stop watching the memories over and over again. The cops, the interrogation, the swarms of reporters; all of it replayed again and again. Even with the drugs she could still remember her wedding night. It was ten years ago, but the feeling of his body on hers was still so vivid. Then it was Sydney, though that had been for a purpose. The cops bought her entire tearful story when they saw the bullet wounds, but it had taken bullet wounds to get them to believe. Now? Sydney was in prison, Leopold was dead, and she still couldn't enjoy a weekend at the beach.

She looked down at her companion, dear Mal. They called her "The Dragon" because she was always chasing one. She ran her tongue against Regina's sex, smiling. At least she was getting something out of this. Maybe she just wasn't feeling enough.

"Harder." Regina breathed. Mal raised an eyebrow, but brought her fingers to the entrance and plunged inside. It was rough and messy.

"Harder." Regina repeated. The blonde slammed her fingers into the younger woman.

"Harder!" Regina screamed and Mal obliged. She then flipped Regina over and slapped her ass so sharply that there was a mark. Finally, there seemed to be a feeling forming in Regina. It was the smallest spark of pleasure mixed with a great deal of pain. After a few minutes of this, her sex became sore.

"Ok. Ok! Stop." Regina snapped. Mal eased off and put her hands up.

"Sorry, sorry. Are you alright?" She asked. Regina nodded, but remained unsatisfied. She turned over and lit another cigarette. Her skin itched, a side effect of the oxycodone.

"Come on. Where are you right now?" Mal asked. She gently climbed off of her lover and lit a cigarette of her own.

"I just can't stop thinking about Leopold." Regina whispered.

"That sorry son of a bitch is dead, Regina. You don't need to worry about him anymore." The blonde assured.

"I know. I put him there, for Christ's sake." Regina said, chuckling a little bit. It was a hollow laugh and somehow, she didn't feel any better.

"Then what's up?"

"I was just-just thinking about all those years. I shared his bed for ten years, Mal. So many hours and minutes were just wasted." Regina whispered, almost starting to cry.

"Don't do that, Regina. He wasn't worth your time and he isn't worth your tears." The older woman assured her. She rested her head on Regina's chest, dragging on her cigarette. Regina smiled and nodded, appearing to have listened and believed. The truth was that she couldn't seem to let those memories go, not yet. Ten years of her life had come and gone. She was almost thirty. She was almost thirty and none of her life had truly belonged to her. Except Henry and maybe this. These hazy weekends and the time she spent with her son were the only things that had gotten her through the weeks. Now everything had changed. The company was hers. The money was hers. The estates and the islands and the summer houses were hers. Was she worried that Leopold's daughter was going to vie for ownership? Well, of course. Mary Margaret hadn't expressed much interest in the company but she would surely want to take partial ownership eventually. She was 22, only seven years younger than Regina herself. Regina had been married off to Leopold when she was 19. The thought made her shudder all over again. Leopold had been 56, a few years older than her own mother.

"Mal, I need to get up." She whispered. The blonde rolled over, and put her cigarette into the ashtray that lay above the mattress. Regina rose, unclothed. She put her own cigarette into the ashtray, and promptly lit another. Cigarettes were a constant in her life these days and if she thought too much about it she would remember how much Henry hated the smell of smoke, but that's what the drugs were for. She walked through the empty rooms of her newly purchased beach house and made her way to the balcony. It was bright outside. She supposed it was the middle of the day, but she didn't really know. The breeze made her shiver. Tears welled up in her eyes. She had finally fought her way to the surface. She had destroyed the man that had held her captive in a gilded cage, but it was still a cage! She sobbed. She had the power now. She was the victor. She could do anything now. She only had to reach out and take it.

"Look at me now, Mother." She whispered. Cora Mills, her dear mother, had promised her the world and here it was. The whole world was hers for the taking, but oh god, what had she done?

 **So, here we are at the start of another story. Please drop me a review and let me know what you think. I really cannot get over the fact that Regina was forced to marry Leopold. Like, I will never get over it. It was incredibly fucked up.**


	2. Chapter 2: Ride

The Ultraviolence of Regina Mills

 **Welcome back. So, if you haven't noticed, this fic is HEAVILY influenced by Lana Del Rey's music. Ready for more tragic goodness? Well, let's get going.**

Chapter Two: Ride

The trees and buildings whooshed past her as she looked out the window. Her lips were pursed thin and her hands were clasped tightly in her lap. Regina's heart pounded in her chest. Mal had elected to stay at the beach house, and that had suited them both perfectly. After all, it wasn't like Regina could actually bring her lover anywhere with her. It would be bad for publicity. Her late husband hadn't been in the ground long enough yet. Her phone buzzed in her purse.

"Hello?" She asked, her voice tight and cold.

"Regina, darling. Are you going to make it to the party?" Cora asked in her singsong voice.

"Yes, mother. I am on route." She said.

"Oh, wonderful. Henry can't wait to see you, darling. Mary Margaret just arrived. Now don't worry. We didn't put up any banners with your age on them." Cora slipped in quickly. Classic fucking Cora.

"Mother, I'm turning 30. It's not the end of the world." Regina pressed gently. Cora laughed.

"Nonsense. You don't look a day over 25, so there's no need to advertise." Cora insisted. Regina's temper flared.

"Mother." She warned.

"Oh, Regina. Don't start." Cora said. Her smile was sickly sweet through the phone.

"I will be there in a few minutes." Regina spat, her own smile growing. The bigger it got, the harder her heart felt. When she ended the call, she was laughing gently. She reached into her purse and fished out a Xanax and a Vicodin. She popped them both into her mouth and swallowed them dry. No, she probably shouldn't have done that. She was about to see her son and she was trying to limit her pill intake around him…but then again, she was about to walk into a birthday party where all of her _favorite_ people were going to be waiting for her. Well, she liked some of them. The car pulled up to the Hotel Chantelle and stopped. The driver stepped out and walked around to let Regina out.

"Watch your step, Mrs. White." He said gently. She raised an eyebrow, bristling at the title.

"Please call me Regina." She said gently. He nodded and she stepped out of the car. She wore a perfectly tailored McQueen dress with a pair of Giuseppe heels. Her bag was Balenciaga. Her sunglasses were Versace. Her outfit cost more than her first car. How far she had come. How far she had fallen. If Regina glanced at her palms, sometimes she saw blood. The Xanax and the Vicodin mixed and swirled through her mind. Ah, now she could face the crowds. She paused to smoke a cigarette before she went into the party. She was twenty-four minutes late, but they could wait a few more. She was their royal majesty, after all. Her money paid their salaries and kept them from having to shop at Target. She was the power. Love live the queen. When she was finished with her cigarette, she wanted another. Her bodyguards stood stone-cold and silent, watching her but not interacting. She lit the next cigarette, but decided that it was time to go in. A cloud of smoke followed her through the lobby of the hotel. One of the concierges approached her. The bodyguard on her left, Rivers, held out at hand and stopped the small man.

"Um. Ma'am you cannot smoke in here." He said, annoyed but nervous. Regina looked at him, sunglasses still on her face, smile wide and chilly.

"Please send my office the fine." She commanded. Rivers handed the concierge a business card and the small entourage continued their walk without another look or word. They walked to the elevator and Claude, her other bodyguard, pressed the button.

"After you, Regina." He said. She smiled, slightly warmer than before. At least they listened to her. She continued to puff away on her cigarette.

"Do you have an ashtray?" She asked. Rivers reached into his pocket and removed a small tin of altoids.

"Use this." He offered. She did. The altoids were ruined, but she would make sure to get him more. In her own weird way, she deeply cared for her bodyguards. She knew their names. They knew her schedule. They knew how many drugs she took. She knew when they needed personal time. How many nights had Claude helped her into bed when she was too drunk to do it herself? How many days had Rivers helped her get dressed when she was too high to navigate her closets? How many times had both of them watched over her, offering her tissues when she and Leopold fought? They knew so much, too much really, but she wasn't worried about it. The pills made sure of that. When they arrived at the top floor, Regina took a deep breath. She stepped out of the elevator and put on her most diplomatic smile.

"Oh, Regina, you're finally here!" Cora said, holding out her arms for a hug. Regina allowed it. Cameras flashed. Henry stood with Mary Margaret, his eyes trained on the floor.

"Hello Henry." Regina said as she walked over. She opened her arms for a hug. He allowed it. Cameras flashed.

"Hey mom." He said. Mary Margaret gave her step mother a hug as well.

"Hello Regina." She said gently, "How was your flight?"

"Oh, it was fine. The islands are lovely this time of year." Regina said. She then cast her gaze to the rest of the room. Albert Spencer, Alex Midas and his daughter Abagail, Everick and his wife and daughter (the one they keep in the tower), and a handful of other faces. Ursula and her father were in the corner, fussing over the shrimp. So, this was a political party. Her mother had organized it. She really should have known. Regina's guilt about taking the pills was gone in a flash. These people didn't deserve her lucid mind.

"Hello everyone!" Regina shouted, smiling widely. The guests all turned to look at her. Some smiled, some scowled, and some simply looked bored.

"Thank you all for coming. I can only hope for many more wonderful birthdays with all of you as my dear friends." She announced. Cora walked up behind her and placed a possessive hand on her daughter's back.

"To your health, Regina!" She said. Everyone raised a glass. Long live the queen. Once the announcement was made, someone started music and the guests resumed their chatter.

"Please talk to Mr. Spencer. His stock skyrocketed last quarter." Cora whispered into her daughter's ear.

"Please, Mother. Can we please just get through this party?" She whispered back. The possessive hand gently gripped her back.

"I don't know why you have to be so ungrateful, my dear. I invited all these people to celebrate your life. The least you can do is be cordial." Cora said with a laugh.

"Mother, please." Was all Regina said. Then, she walked off to talk to Henry.

"Oh, how I have missed you, my little prince." She said, leaning in for a hug. She kissed him on the head.

"Mom." He groaned, sneaking a smile. She hugged him again, tightly. Mary Margaret looked on, feeling slightly awkward.

"Happy Birthday, Regina." She offered. Regina looked up from her son. She fought the irritation that sprung up within her.

"Thank you, my dear. Are you enjoying the party?" She asked. Mary Margaret shrugged.

"It's lovely, but Belle and Ruby won't be here for another hour. I am looking forward to their arrival." She said quietly.

"Yes, I'm sure you are." Regina said diplomatically. It was hard not to grab the younger woman by the hair and throw her off the balcony, but she remained calm. Mary Margaret was not her father. Leopold was dead. He was dead and this girl was her own person. She had to remember that, but every once in a while she almost forgot. With a word or a look it was like he still haunted her.

"Mom, can I get some shrimp?" Henry asked. She nodded.

"Of course, my darling." She said. They walked hand in hand over to the buffet. Ursula and her father were still hanging by the table, talking in hushed whispers.

"Oh, Regina! How nice to see you." Ursula said.

"Ursula. Mr. Hudson." Regina said. Henry waved shyly.

"Hello Mr. Henry." Mr. Hudson said, extending his hand for a handshake.

"Say hello, Henry." Regina urged. He just looked down. Regina laughed nervously.

"Kids." She said. They all exchanged terse smiles. Ok. Only a few hours and she could leave. This would be over soon enough. One she had fixed Henry a plate of shrimp, he asked if he could go back to hanging out with Mary Margaret. Regina was less than thrilled to release her safety net, but she let him go. Now she was alone in a room full of people who mostly hated her. Great. She quickly excused herself to the bathroom where she could pop another Vicodin. As it slid down her throat she sighed. She leaned against the sink and ran the tap. After splashing some water in her face she forced herself to look in the mirror. 30 years old. She was 30 years old. She had no friends, one step daughter who hated her, one son who barely knew her, a mother who controlled her, and a lover she had to keep hidden…Oh, and a pill problem. How could she forget that? She heard the door to the bathroom open. Heels clicked in her direction.

"Having fun yet?" Ursula said with a tiny laugh. Regina rolled her eyes.

"Oh, you know me. I'm having a blast." She said with a sigh. Ursula reached into her own purse and popped something into her mouth.

"Oh, yeah. I'm sure. So, how's the wonderful world of widow treating you?" She asked.

"Ha. Ha. You know I'm heartbroken about the death of my husband." Regina said, her voice cold.

"Ok, ok. Easy there, your majesty. You still talking to Mal?" Ursula continued.

"Yeah." Regina responded. She began fixing her makeup to keep her hands busy.

"How is that old dragon lady?" Ursula asked.

"She's fine. She's staying in one of my beach houses."

"Oh, really? So the rumors are true. I mean, I thought Cruella was crazy, but-"

"Oh, fuck off." Regina spat.

"I really never pegged you for a carpet muncher, but hey." Ursula said with a laugh. Regina's eyes flashed with rage.

"You shut the fuck up." Regina snarled. Her hands shook with anger white hot in her veins.

"Relax. I'm not going to say anything. Jesus, Regina. Chill out." Ursula spat back. Regina huffed.

"I would hope not. Else you could say goodbye to our merger." Regina snarled. She then took off back into the party without another word. She spent the next hour and a half talking to her guests under the careful watch of her mother. Smile here. Nod there. Whatever. Occasionally, Regina would look over to Henry. He, Mary Margaret, Ruby, and Belle were all sitting at a table. They laughed and joked. Regina finally broke away from her mother and walked over to the four. Their conversation hushed as she approached.

"Happy Birthday, Mrs. White." Belle said, rising and giving her a quick hug. Ruby did the same. Regina hated how they treated her, like she was some kind of monster. They looked at her like she was already 50.

"Thank you, Belle. It's nice to see you two. I am glad that you both could come. I know Henry and Mary Margaret are happy to see you." Regina offered gently. A small part of her wanted to sit down with them and talk, but she knew it would be awkward. She lingered for another minute or two of uncomfortable silence, then turned to go. She seemed too old for the kid's table and too young for the rest. She certainly didn't want to talk to Ursula anymore, not today at least. Not here. She walked over to Cora.

"Mother, I'm not feeling well. I think I'm going to retire for the evening." She said. Cora raised her eyebrows.

"Oh really? Are you sure you aren't just crashing from your narcotics? Or is it something else this time?" Cora whispered.

"Mother!" Regina spat.

"Well, Regina, I don't see why you're angry with me. You're the one tearing your life apart." Cora whispered, cold.

"Ok. I'm leaving. Thank you for the party. It was fun." Regina snarled. Then, she left. Claude and Rivers quickly fell into step behind her. Some birthday party this was. It wasn't really for her, none of these events ever were. She could feel the guests whispering about her as she stepped into the elevator, but they could go to hell. She was sorry to leave Henry again…but she simply couldn't stand another minute here. Besides, Mary Margaret was with him. They would be home later. She leaned against the wall of the elevator.

"Fuck." She said.


	3. Chapter 3: Lucky Ones

The Ultraviolence of Regina Mills

Chapter Three: Lucky Ones

When Regina Mills was 16 years old her mother told her it was time to start thinking about the "big picture."

 _"You're not going to be young and beautiful forever, my dear." Cora said as she brushed Regina's hair. The young girl looked at herself in the mirror and wondered what that meant._

 _"Mother, it's ok. I'm going to go to college and be a veterinarian." She said. Cora laughed._

 _"Oh, Regina. You're destined for much bigger things." She said with a knowing look. Regina pulled her head forward to stop her mother from her brushing._

 _"But I want to be a vet." She insisted. Cora stopped, annoyed._

 _"Regina, don't try my patience tonight. We're going to find you a husband to take care of you." Cora snapped. Then, she sighed and smiled again._

 _"I know you don't mean to upset me, but you really need to think about the big picture. Our family business has come a long way and I need you to continue our legacy." Cora continued. She began brushing Regina's hair once more._

 _"But mother I-"_

 _"Silence!" Cora snarled, yanking the brush down. Tears sprang to Regina's eyes._

 _"Ow! Mother you're hurting me!" She cried._

 _"And what about how you hurt me? All I have ever done I have done for you and you just want to throw it away! Perhaps I shouldn't try!" Cora screamed. She walked to the closet and pulled out one of Regina's dresses._

 _"Mother, please!" Regina said, crying._

 _"Why? You don't care about the things I give you!" Cora said. She ripped the dress. Regina sprang to her feet and rushed over to her mother._

 _"No, please. Please! I'll be good. I promise. No more vet talk." She assured her mother. Cora sighed._

 _"I just want what's best for you, my darling. Now come here to mommy." She whispered. Regina did._

 _"I know, mother. I love you." Regina whispered, trying to dry her tears. If she could just stop crying then she could show her mother that she would be good._

 _"I love you too, sweetheart." Cora crooned._

When Regina Mills was 17 her mother showed her the man that was going to change their lives.

 _The morning began like any other morning, only this morning was different. This was the first morning that Regina was not going to share with her father. The divorce had finalized and she was to live with her mother. Her father could only see her on holidays. To Cora, this was the morning of that would begin the rest of her life._

 _"Mother, I miss Daddy." Regina whispered, sniffling into her coffee cup._

 _"Oh, come now, my pet. Henry was a drunk and a danger to us." Cora snapped. Regina flinched and remained silent for a few minutes._

 _"It's just you and I now, as it should be. Besides, I didn't love him. I married your father for two reasons. The first was to gain prosperity and the second was to have you." Cora explained affectionately. Regina said nothing. She reached into the pocket of her dress and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. Cora allowed them because they helped her stick to her diet. She lit one and dragged hard._

 _"I love you Regina." Cora said, "Now let's forget about your father I have a surprise for you."_

 _"Now that you're old enough I want to introduce you to someone." Cora sang as she prepared her morning coffee._

 _"Who, mother?" Regina asked. She fiddled with the mug in front of her, wanting breakfast but knowing it would send her mother into a rage. She felt like she hadn't had a proper meal in months. She dragged on her cigarette again, then flicked some ash into the coffee mug._

 _"A friend of mine named Mr. Gold. He's going to help me rebuild the company" Cora said, her smile wide and beaming. Regina took a deep breath and tried very hard not to burst into tears. If she cried she knew she would be punished._

 _"I can't wait." She whispered._

 _"Well, dearie, you don't have to." Mr. Gold said as she strode into the kitchen. Regina looked up at him. He was small and thin with a dangerous smile. He handed Cora a tiny bag of something, but Regina wasn't sure what it was._

 _"I am Mr. Gold." He said, extending his hand. Regina took it and forced a smile._

 _"You were right, Cora. She is lovely." He said with a nod._

 _"If you'll excuse me for a moment, I need to freshen up." Cora said with a hint of playfulness. She promptly excused herself, leaving Regina with this strange little man._

 _"So, you're going to help my mother fix the company?" Regina asked quietly, trying to smile. She dragged on her cigarette nervously. He smiled._

 _"Indeed I am."_

 _"Oh. Well, that sounds nice." Regina said. Her voice shook._

 _"Oh, come now. There's no need to playact with me. I know you're scared. Here, would you like something to help with that?" Mr. Gold said. His voice was warm and inviting. Regina nodded. He produced a tiny baggie, just like the one he had given her mother._

 _"Rub a little of this on your gums and you'll feel like you can take on the world." He said. Regina just stared at him._

 _"Is that what I think it is?" She asked._

 _"That depends on what you think it is, dearie." He replied. Regina's heart pounded in her chest._

 _"No thank you, Mr. Gold." Regina said quickly._

 _"As you wish. But, if you ever change your mind then give me a call." He said gallantly. He handed her a business card. All it had was a name and a number._

When Regina Mill was 18, her mother told her that love was weakness.

 _"Regina, I can't believe I met you." Daniel said. The pair were curled up in the backseat of Regina's car. They had met six months ago when Regina's car had needed some work done. He was her mechanic._

 _"I can't believe it either." Regina breathed. For the first time in a long time, she felt like she was one of the lucky ones, one of the girls from the movies that found love. Daniel leaned into her and planted a kiss on her cheek. She held him closer; she wanted to hold him so close that they would become one person, even if only for a moment._

 _"Have you told you mother about us yet?" He asked. The spell wavered._

 _"No, Daniel, I haven't. She would be furious." Regina said quickly. Daniel sighed and brushed a loose hair out of her eye._

 _"Regina, I know I don't have much to offer you, but I know what she is doing to you. We can get out of here, start a new life. You can go to college. I'll work on cars. Regina, this is America. We can do anything here." He said. For a moment, just one moment, the stars aligned and Regina almost believed him. His dark hands took hers and pushed up her sleeves revealing the bruises Regina worked so hard to hide. She felt herself tearing up._

 _"If we get married then I can stay here. I'll be a citizen and then the rest of our lives will begin." He whispered. Regina kissed him on his forehead, then moved down to his lips. Suddenly a bright light lit up the car._

 _"Daniel!" Regina cried. Before he could answer, two police officers opened the doors and grabbed him. They pulled him out of the car. Regina scrambled after him, but he was quickly being searched._

 _"It's alright now, little lady." The officer said. Regina tried to push past him._

 _"Daniel! What are you doing to him?" She demanded. Tears came and she wished that she could get through one day without the damn waterworks._

 _"Now, I'm sure that you didn't know this, but this man is a con artist. He's here illegally." The cop explained. Regina took a deep breath, but it whooshed back out. Her breath was wild and she felt dizzy._

 _"Is this your car?" He asked. She nodded and thought for a moment that she might faint. She did. When she woke she was in her room, in her bed. Her mother was hovering over her._

 _"It's alright darling, you're at home." Cora said soothingly. Regina sat up forcefully._

 _"Daniel! Mother what happened to the boy I was with!?" She cried. Cora sighed._

 _"Now, Regina, there is no reason to be upset." Cora said firmly. Regina disagreed. There was a major reason to be upset._

 _"What happened to him!?" Regina shouted. Cora looked at her daughter._

 _"Regina, he kidnapped you." She said._

 _"No. No! Mother, we were just hanging out. What happened to him?" Regina yelled. Then, a realization hit her._

 _"What did you do?" She snarled. Cora sighed once more, feeling exhausted._

 _"My darling, a wetback mechanic was not a good match. I simply alerted the authorities." Cora calmly explained. Something snapped inside Regina._

 _"Why have you done this!? I loved him, mother! I loved him!" Regina screamed. She tore out of the bed and paced. However, she refused to cry. Not now. Cora waited patiently for her daughter to finish._

 _"Are you finished with your tantrum?" Cora asked. Regina's eyes flashed._

 _"This is my life, mother! This is my life and you-"_

 _"Oh, you foolish girl. Your life, your future, belongs to me. Now, I won't have you throwing all of that away for college or a boy or anything!" Cora shouted. Regina trembled._

 _"Did you really think that I hadn't noticed what was going on between you two? Did you really think even for a second that I was going to let you run off with this-this immigrant? I have worked too hard to secure your future. You are not going to ruin this for me!" Cora screamed. Regina just stood there, shaking._

 _"Darling, love is weakness. It fades. The only love that lasts is the one between a mother and child. That's why we're going to find you a good match so that you can have a child." Cora threw her hands up in exasperation and then stole out of the room. Regina finally dissolved into tears. She couldn't do this. No, no, she couldn't do this. This was too much. She stood up and walked to the window. Then she walked to the bed. She walked to her dresser. She walked and walked and found nothing. She couldn't leave, not again. The bruises were still healing. She couldn't do that to her mother again, no matter what had happened. Besides, what would she do if he did run? Daniel was gone. He was gone and it was all her fault. She couldn't do this though. Then, she thought of Mr. Gold. She ran to her nightstand and ripped open the drawer. His business card lay on top of a book and a carton of tampons. She snatched it out of the drawer and darted for the door. She could hear her mother in the bathroom, taking a shower. This was as good a time as any. Regina crept to the phone. She dialed the number, her fingers shaking._

 _"Hello?" Came the voice on the other end. It was a woman's voice._

 _"Um. I would like to speak to Mr. Gold." Regina said, her voice full of tremors._

 _"Ok. Who is this?" The female voice asked._

 _"This is Regina Mills." She whispered. The voice relayed the message on the other end of the line. There was a long pause, then came a voice she knew._

 _"Hello Regina." Mr. Gold purred._

 _"I need help. I need to take on the world." Regina whispered. He laughed._

 _"I see. I'll send Mal over tomorrow and she'll help you out." He said. Then, the line went dead. Regina crept back to her bedroom and shut the door. She leaned against it and sank to the floor. She wept._

When Regina Mills was 19 she met Leopold and her life was changed forever.

 _After the Daniel incident had died down, Cora allowed Regina to take a job. She said it would help her learn how to raise a child and that men loved that. Regina took a job as a nanny under Leopold White. How her mother had found this job was a mystery, but it was wonderful to get out of the house. His daughter, Mary Margaret, was cold at first, but after a few months they were thick a thieves. Regina didn't spend much time with Leopold himself. He was always on his way to work or getting home exhausted. Sometimes they exchanged small talk over a cup of coffee in the morning. The house they lived in was gorgeous; it was a penthouse in Upper Manhattan and Regina loved the view. Mary Margaret had lost her mother two years prior and Leopold often appreciated having Regina around the house._

 _"You know, things have been so different since you got here." He said to her one day. Regina smiled._

 _"Thank you. I love it here." She answered and that put an idea into Leopold's mind. Three weeks later, Leopold invited Regina over in the middle of the day. It was odd because it was a Sunday, but Regina figured he needed to attend a meeting or some kind of event, maybe a funeral? Who knew? When she arrived she quickly noticed that Mary Margaret was nowhere to be found. This made Regina a little nervous._

 _"Ah, you're here." He said warmly, walking over to her and offering his hand. Regina took it, but remained nervous._

 _"Um. What's going on, Mr. White?" She asked. He smiled._

 _"Please, call me Leopold." He said. Regina tensed._

 _"You know, Regina, ever since you got here, the house has been light and Mary Margaret has been so happy." He began. He led Regina over to the balcony and stepped out onto it._

 _"It's so nice to see someone take an interest in my daughter. You do like it here, don't you?" Leopold asked. Regina exhaled slowly._

 _"Of course. The house is lovely and both you and Mary Margaret are almost like family." She said. Was she getting fired? Was he going to ask her to watch Mary Margaret for an extended period of time? Her mind raced with questions, but she never expected what came next._

 _"Regina, as you know, my wife died two years ago and I have been looking for someone not to replace her, but someone to share my family with." He said gently. Regina swallowed. Her mouth was dry. Leopold knelt and pulled a small ring box out of his pocket._

 _"Regina, will you marry me?" He asked. Regina's heart pounded in her chest. She thought she might cry or throw up. She smiled instead._

 _"This is all really sudden. I think-I um. I think I should go." She said. His face fell a little bit._

 _"Alright." He said sadly. Regina bolted. She spent the entire drive home in tears. When she finally reached her house she ran inside._

 _"Mother!" She cried. Cora was sitting at the dining room table, leafing through a magazine._

 _"Regina, what are you doing here? What happened?" She asked. Regina's face was wet with tears._

 _"Mother, Mr. White asked me to marry him." She whispered, horrified._

 _"What?" Cora asked._

 _"He said he wanted to share his family with me and he bent down on one knee and asked me to marry him!" Regina said, louder this time. She knelt in front of her mother and rested her head on her mother's lap._

 _"What did you say?" Cora asked, stroking her daughter's hair._

 _"I didn't say anything. I panicked and came home." Regina answered._

 _"Regina, you finally did something right." Cora said. For a moment, Regina was relieved. Her mother was going to help her get through this._

 _"Regina, I am so proud of you! Now, all we need to do is pick out a dress and-"_

 _"What?" Regina asked, looking up. Cora's eyes were wild with delight._

 _"Well, first you need to go back and accept, but this is incredible news!" Cora beamed._

 _"Mother, Leopold is older than you are." Regina's voice struggled to say. Cora laughed._

 _"Oh, darling, age is just a number. Leopold White is one of the richest men in New York!"_

 _"I can't marry him! I don't love him! I barely know him!" Regina shouted, defiant. She jumped to her feet and looked her mother in the eye._

 _"I won't marry him." She spat. Cora smiled and grabbed Regina by the hair._

 _"Oh, but you will, my dear. You will marry Leopold White and you will be the Queen of New York. Now, why don't you march upstairs while I give him a call and tell him that you've accepted?" Cora snarled. Regina's face emptied of emotion. She felt like she couldn't breathe. Her entire life was crumbling around her and there was nothing she could do. She couldn't run. Her mother just wanted what was best for her, right? Regina walked away, up the stairs, and into her room. She shut the door gently and walked over to her bed. She grabbed the pack of cigarettes on her nightstand and lit one. Then, she reached under her mattress and found the little white pills that had haunted her since the day after Daniel was deported. She hadn't taken them, not even when her mother screamed and beat her. She hadn't taken them when she wanted to die, or when even when she couldn't feel anything at all. But today was different. Today was the end of her life and she didn't want to live like this anymore. She popped two of them into her mouth and swallowed them dry in-between drags of her cigarette. In a few minutes, like magic, she felt a warm loveliness reach up through her body. She grinned and laughed. Regina is dead. Long live the queen._


	4. Chapter 4: Shades of Cool

**Welcome back, my dears. It's time for another chapter. I hope you're all enjoying it. By the way, the chapter titles correspond to Lana Del Rey songs that I have drawn inspiration from for the content of the chapter. Listen if you feel like it. Now, leave a review or I will destroy your happiness if it's the last thing I do…but honestly, with this fic, that will probably happen anyway. Ciao.**

Chapter Four: Shades of Cool

When Regina rose in the morning she often thought about skipping her first bump of oxy. She thought about it, but it never seemed to happen. She would make it all the way to her bathroom, start brushing her teeth and feel the urge to race back into her bedroom and cut a line. On good days she walked calmly. On bad days she never even made it to the bathroom. She would just roll over and inhale the bittersweet trail. By the time she bid Henry a good morning, Regina would be just high enough to smile.

"Good morning, Regina." Mary Margaret said, placing a cup of coffee in front of her step mother.

"Good morning, Snow." She replied, "And good morning to you, my little prince."

"Morning mom." He mumbled.

"Henry's nervous about a test he's going to take." Mary Margaret explained, affectionately ruffling the boy's hair.

"Oh really? Well, did you study?" Regina asked. He shrugged and stared at his pancakes.

"Well, how can you do your best if you don't try your best?" Regina asked, smiling too brightly. Henry shrugged again. His lack of enthusiasm annoyed Regina ever so slightly.

"Maybe if you smiled you would feel better." She pressed, a slight edge in her voice. Mary Margaret sensed the slightest tension growing.

"Why do you even bother? It's not like you care at all." Henry grumbled. Regina froze.

"You're not even my real mom. Why do you care if I do my best!?" He shouted suddenly. He bolted out of the room. Regina's heart pounded and her breath became shallow. Mary Margaret looked into her lap. A deeply uncomfortable silence filled the air. Regina's jaw clenched tight.

"Regina I-"

"Shut up!" She spat, "I'm not your real mother either."

"Regina, you don't have to-"

"I said shut up! God, Mary Margaret, it's like no matter what I do he just won't-" Regina stopped. Her throat tightened and she felt a tiny tear in her eye. No! She could not cry in front of Snow.

"Regina, you were gone for two weeks." Mary Margaret said gently. Regina's eyes flashed as she stood up, furious.

"How dare you!" Regina hissed. She abandoned her coffee and stomped back to her room. Ah, a tantrum first thing in the morning. How quaint. Regina lit a cigarette and locked her door. Henry was turning into a very moody child. He was only ten and he was already on about how she wasn't his real mother. Fantastic. She bumped another line of oxy and climbed back into her bed. She knew Mary Margaret would get the boy to school on time, so when she shut her eyes and dozed off, she didn't even care. Dreams came quickly, assaulting her with a flurry of images she would rather forget.

 _"Dance with me, Regina." Mal purred, pushing her face into the younger woman's hair. Regina laughed._

 _"Why would I dance with you?" She asked, pressing her face into the blonde's neck. They were melting into each other, pretending to fight their way out._

 _"Because you love me." The dragon whispered. Regina laughed, hearty and almost cruel._

 _"Oh, darling, love is weakness." Regina replied. The music around them rolled and rose from the record player on Mal's bookshelf._

 _"You don't have to playact with me, dear. Save it for your husband." Mal said, running her hands down Regina's sides. Regina smiled, leaned in, and kissed her. Then, she changed the subject._

 _"When's your next gig?" She asked. Mal grinned._

 _"Tomorrow night. You coming?"_

 _"Of course. Leopold will be out of town until Thursday. The kid is with my mother. I'm all yours." Regina said._

 _"Perfect."_

Mary Margaret unlocked the front door to her father's apartment and let herself in. Henry was safe at school, but she didn't have class until the evening. Part of her wanted to just leave Regina to her hazy misery, but she was too concerned. She put her purse on the kitchen counter and walked towards her step mother's room. Regina was passed out in her bed, sleeping soundly. Mary Margaret sighed and leaned against the doorframe. It seemed like Regina was not herself more often than not. She had been like this for a long time, but Snow still felt partially responsible. When her father had been alive, Regina spent a great deal of time alone in her room.

 _Mary Margaret was still wearing the princess dress she had worn to her 12_ _th_ _birthday party. In the three days since the party, the dress had been washed twice at Regina's insistence. The little girl ran to the front door to see her father off to work. She always hated when he worked on Saturdays._

 _"There's my little princess!" Leopold said, pulling his daughter into a warm hug. She giggled._

 _"Now, you be a good girl for your step-mother, alright?" He said with a smile. He kissed her on the head and made his exit. Snow sighed and walked into the kitchen. She fixed herself a bowl of cereal and sat at the breakfast bar to eat it. Ten minutes passed, then thirty. Her step-mom was still in bed. Once her cereal was finished, Mary Margaret hopped down off the stool and walked cautiously to her bedroom. She knocked gently, but heard nothing. She opened the door._

 _"Regina?" She asked. She wasn't there. Now Mary Margaret was a little frightened. She boldly stepped into the room._

 _"Regina?" She called again. No response. She crept to the bathroom door that was adjacent to the room and peered inside. Regina was laid out on the tile, not moving._

 _"Regina!" Snow screamed._

 _"Hello! Regina! Snow! I'm so sorry I'm late. The subway was killer this morning!" Eugenia, Mary Margaret's nanny, called as she let herself into the apartment. Snow raced out into the living room, sobbing._

 _"What's happened?" Granny asked, instantly alert._

 _"Regina! It's Regina!" Snow cried._

Snow often thought back to the morning that Regina had tried to kill herself. The anniversary of it would come next month. Three days after her 22nd birthday. Mary Margaret watched as Regina slept. She knew that Regina had called Granny that morning so that she wouldn't be alone when she found the body, or even so that she wouldn't be the person _to_ find the body. Even underneath all those layers, Regina did care about her. Even after she had hurt her so. Mary Margaret regretted pulling Cora into the situation, but she hadn't known any better. What does a 12 year old know about emotional abuse? She didn't know who Cora was then. Snow walked over to Regina and sat down on the bed beside her. There was a half-smoked cigarette on the mattress. She cleaned up the ash and placed the butt into one of Regina's ashtrays.

"Regina." She whispered. The older woman didn't stir. Was she really supposed to be her step-mother? She was only eight years older than her.

"Regina." Snow said louder. She opened her eyes.

"Do you want me to make you breakfast?" Mary Margaret asked. Regina glared at her from her resting position and closed her eyes again.

"I don't need you to coddle me." She sniped.

"Regina, you need to eat."

"Please go away."

"Regina!" Snow snapped, "You will eat something. Henry will be home at 2 and hopefully you will be sober enough to care for him today! He needs his mother."

Regina just stayed there, almost unable to move. She hated being spoken down to and she hated Mary Margaret. Her rage flared up, but it faltered. There were tears in Snow's eyes.

"If you don't show up and act like his mother then you're going to lose him, if you haven't already." Mary Margaret whispered. Then, she rose and walked out of the room. All the drugs, the depression, and the rest…it made her so angry and sad. Mary Margaret knew Regina was hurt. She knew she had lived a nightmare of a life. They had spent Snow's teenage years at each other's throats, but now? She just wanted Regina to live. Was she still angry? Of course, but how could she fight someone who wanted to lose?

Mary Margaret passed the morning cleaning the apartment. After an hour, Regina emerged from her lair. She was dressed in her usual armor, but she didn't fight when Snow insisted she eat a sandwich. Regina choked it down silently. As much as she hated to admit it, the younger woman was right. She spent so much time off with Mal or wrapped up in her own misery that she was missing Henry's life. She had to try to be better. Once the meal was finished, Regina stole into her home office to work on some paper work. Her mind wandered to the cocaine she could bump to make this go by easier. The thoughts became so insistent that she couldn't focus. Just a little, to ease her mind. Noon became one and one became two. Henry didn't come home. Regina chewed her lip as she looked at the clock.

"Mary Margaret!" She called. The younger woman appeared in the doorway.

"Where is my son?" She asked.

"How should I know, Regina? Why don't you call him?"

"I did. He didn't answer three times. You call him." Regina ordered. Snow sighed and obliged. The phone rang and rang, then went to voicemail.

"He could have missed his train." She offered. Regina huffed.

"Then why isn't he answering!?" She asked, growing a little frantic. An hour passed, then another. Regina called the police.

"Hello? My son didn't come home from school and I am very worried about him." Regina explained, almost in tears. Her emotions seemed to have a mind of their own these days.

"Alright. We usually don't file a missing person's report so soon, ma'am. Have you tried calling his friends?" The officer asked.

"My husband was murdered in the last year, so why don't you send someone over to get some information so that you can start a search!?" Regina spat. The officer on the phone sighed.

"Ma'am, I'm going to ask that you calm down."

"Do you know who I am? My name is Regina White and I will have you fired if you don't send-" The line went dead. Regina growled and stomped around the room. She had been chain-smoking since 2 and it was now 4:30. Snow had decided to skip her class to stay and keep Regina calm. She was failing miserably.

"He's upset. Maybe he's just trying to get back at you for-"

"Shut the fuck up!" Regina shouted, "My son is missing and you don't even care! He's your step-brother for Christ's sake!"

"Regina, please. Relax. He'll come home." Mary Margaret said calmly, "You just have to have hope."

"Fuck you! He's a 14 year old kid in the city alone!" Regina snarled. Snow shook her head.

"Then maybe you should be there to pick him up from school instead of spending your whole day pretending you don't have a pill problem!" Mary Margaret snapped. Regina glared at her and if looks could kill, Snow would be dead.

"Get out." She hissed.

"Fine, I will leave this room, but this is my father's apartment. Actually, it's mine. I let you live here and you shouldn't forget that." Mary Margaret said calmly. Then, she walked out. Regina was furious. She slammed her hand against the wall and, finally, the tears fell. It was 8pm before there was a knock at the door. Regina, had passed out on the couch in the living room, but the sound woke her. She rushed to the door and opened it.

"Henry!?" She cried. There he was, but he wasn't alone. Beside him stood a tall blonde woman she did not recognize. Regina reached out to pull Henry into a hug, but he dodged her and pushed himself inside the apartment.

"I found my real mom!" He spat before rushing off to his room. Regina was left staring at the blonde woman, mouth open.

"Um. Hi there. I'm Emma. Emma Swan." She said. Regina just stared at her.

"You're Henry's birthmother?" She asked finally.

"Yeah. Um, could I come in and use your bathroom? I'm sorry. I know this is weird." Emma said nervously. Regina nodded and moved aside. Emma entered the apartment and was startled at how beautiful it was. These people had money.

"This way." Regina said, still in shock. She led Emma past the kitchen and down the hall. She heard the shower running. Perfect timing Snow, really. Regina looked at this woman, this birthmother. She was around her age, with blonde hair that curled gently. She was wearing a red leather jacket and cheap jeans.

"You can use my bathroom." Regina said, just wanting to get her out of the house. She led her through the bedroom and pointed, then sat on the bed. Emma thanked her awkwardly and walked into the Queen's bathroom. It was all marble and pristine. Emma didn't think that she had ever been in a bathroom this nice in her life. She peed and rose to wash her hands. Now, she knew that snooping through this woman's medicine cabinet would be wrong, but oh, she couldn't resist. She just wanted a taste of what this woman lived like. She peeked in the medicine cabinet. The usual suspects greeted her, all immaculately arranged. Some high end makeup products, a toothbrush, and then- No. Emma looked harder, but there it was. There was a perfume bottle on the top shelf filled with white powder. On that same shelf she saw an unmarked bottle of little blue pills, and one of oblong white pills. Now, Emma was no stranger to controlled substances. Between the foster homes and her own sordid life, she had seen them all, but this was unmistakable. Oxys, Xanax, and a little bottle of white powder.

"Fuck." Emma whispered. She quickly dried her hands and rushed out of the bathroom. Regina was gone, but she could hear voices down the hall. She quickly made her way towards them. Regina and Snow were whispering, but she could tell the conversation was heated.

"So, uh. Thank you, for letting me use your bathroom."

"Emma, was it? My name is Regina White and this is my step-daughter, Mary Margaret." Regina said. Emma nodded and ran her fingers through her hair nervously.

"Look, I don't want you to get the wrong idea here. I don't even know how Henry found me. I just wanted to bring him home." Emma said. Regina smiled tersely.

"That's good news." Regina said dangerously. Mary Margaret smiled.

"Thank you for bringing him home." She said gently. The three women stared at one another. Man, this was awkward.

"Well, I guess I should be heading home." Emma said.

"And where is home?" Regina asked.

"Uh, well. I live in Brooklyn."

"I see. Would you mind if I took your cell phone number in case Henry goes missing again?" Regina asked, but it was more of a command. Emma sighed.

"Uh. Sure." She gave the number and Regina saved it.

"Here, why don't I let you out?" Snow offered. Regina just stared them down until they had left the office. Snow lead Emma down the hall and to the front door.

"Again, thank you for bringing Henry home. Regina may not look it, but she was worried sick." Mary Margaret said.

"Yeah, about that. Is Henry ok, like generally, I mean?" Emma asked quietly. Internally, she cursed herself for even asking. She should have just left. Snow chewed on her lip and sighed.

"Why? Did he say something to you?" She asked. Emma shrugged.

"I mean, he found me and compared Regina to the Evil Queen from Snow White, but like, kids are like that." Emma said. She shuffled nervously, then continued.

"Actually, I um. You know what? Nevermind. I'm sure you guys have everything under control. It was nice to meet you."

"Nice meeting you too. Can I get your number as well? Regina can be, well, difficult. So, I'd like your number just in case. You can have mine too." Mary Margaret asked. Emma nodded and they exchanged numbers.

"Just call me if he shows up on your doorstep again. Hopefully, I will be able to get him home before she notices." She said with a weird smile. Snow instantly regretted saying this. Emma nodded.

"Yeah, call me if you need me." Emma said. She also instantly regretted saying this. They looked at each other for a moment and Emma quickly walked out of the door. She almost ran down the hall. When she was safely in the elevator she leaned against the wall.

"Fuck!" So that was the boy she gave up when she was 16. He was 14 years old now. Jesus. On her way home, Emma thought about him, how handsome he was becoming. Then she thought about the step-sister, how concerned she had been, how kind. Finally, she thought about Regina. It was undeniable that this woman was an addict. The pills don't lie. Now, Mary Margaret seemed stable enough, but that didn't make Emma feel better. An addict was an addict and that poor kid would be eaten alive if he hadn't been already. Emma sighed, knowing that she would be seeing them again soon.


	5. Chapter 5: Brooklyn Baby

**Emma is finally here! She's going to be playing a huge role soon enough. I also want to highlight the fact that Regina is truly in "Evil Queen" mode right now. Like, this is who Regina was in canon when she was burning entire villages and such. In season two, it really seemed like dark magic was a metaphor for drugs, so this is really the Evil Queen at the peak of her dark magical power. I was really interested in seeing what would happen if Emma met the Evil Queen. Let me know what you all think!**

Chapter Five: Brooklyn Baby

Emma spent the week trying desperately not to think of Regina White and her son. She went to work, she sat on the train, and she hung out with her best friend James. Throughout every piece of it she saw the boy's face. She saw Regina's face. She saw that little bottle of white powder. Emma paced in her apartment. James sat on the couch, beer in hand.

"Emma, if you want to call her then call her." He said. Emma turned to him, her eyes wide.

"And say what?" She said. She sighed.

"Tell her that you're worried about Henry."

"Look, I don't want to be a parent, ok? I just-I know what that kind of environment can be like." Emma said.

"I know. This Mary Margaret chick sounds reasonable enough. Why not express your concern and leave it at that?" He asked. Emma returned to her pacing.

"Ok. What if I do that? What if she doesn't know, James? I don't want to get involved."

"So you keep saying and yet here we are. For better or worse you care about him. There's nothing wrong with that, Em." James insisted, sipping his beer. Ok. So there wasn't really anything wrong with being concerned for this kid, and yet…She didn't want to get involved in this. She had her own life. Not to mention the fact that this Regina woman seemed like she would chew her up and spit her out faster than she cared to accept. She was the exact kind of person that irked Emma to the core: An entitled rich bitch who was ultra-possessive of their kid without actually doing what was best for him. Emma growled and just as she decided to delete their phone numbers, her ringtone played through the apartment.

"Hello?" Emma said nervously.

"Hi there. Um. This is Mary Margaret from the other day."

"Oh. Um. Is Henry missing again?"

"No, no, he's here. I actually wanted to know if you wanted to come see him." Mary Margaret asked. This stopped Emma cold. See him? Why?

"Uh, are you sure his mother is going to be cool with that?" Emma said with a nervous chuckle.

"Oh, she's not here right now…" Snow said quietly. Not there? What?

"Where is she?"

"I think she's in France this week. Look, if you don't want to see him, that's fine. He asked me to call you and I thought it was worth a shot." Mary Margaret said, exasperation clear in her voice. Emma really didn't know what to say. James made a face at her like, "So, what are you going to do?"

"Ok. I'll be there in a half hour." She said finally. Mary Margaret thanked her and hung up. James grinned.

"You're doing the right thing." He said.

"Go to hell." Emma said back as she put on her red jacket. She walked to the subway and got on the train. Why was she going to see this kid? He wasn't her son. He was just some kid. Yeah, some kid with a mom who was addicted to all sorts if stuff. She sighed as she walked back out onto the street. That was why she was going. She couldn't just leave the kid there. When she finally arrived at the apartment she rang the bell and was buzzed up. Her heart pounded with every step she took. By the time she actually got to the door, she was sweating. She knocked. Henry opened the door.

"You came back!" He said, smiling widely. He threw his arms around her. Maybe this was a bad idea. They led her into the living room.

"Thanks for coming by." Mary Margaret said warmly, "Can I get you something to drink?"

"Uh. Sure. Just some water." Emma said. She sat on the couch that probably cost more than a month's rent.

"So, what's up?" She asked. Henry and Snow looked at each other, then she walked off to get the water.

"What's up with you?" Henry asked. Emma cracked a smile.

"Well, I was just hanging with my friend James. He's my roommate." Emma said.

"Cool." Henry said, taking a seat adjacent to Emma's. The air between them was silent suddenly, but it wasn't as awkward as Emma thought it would be.

"So, you said your mom's in France? That's pretty wild."

"Yeah. She's probably with that woman. Mal." Henry said darkly.

"Regina goes away a lot. She usually takes Mal with her." Mary Margaret explained.

"They must be pretty good friends." Emma said.

"Yeah, friends who fuck." Henry spat. Snow's eyes went wide as saucers.

"Henry!"

"What? It's true! We don't have to pretend that everything is ok in front of Emma!" He snapped. Emma cleared her throat.

"Um. Well, Henry, your mother's choice of partner is her decision." Emma said. Henry rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, it's not that she's a woman. Mal is just a huge bitch." He said, his anger clear. He was so much like his mother. Mary Margaret shook her head.

"Henry, that is quite enough. I know you're angry with your mother, but this is uncalled for. Why don't you go chill out in your room?" She said sternly.

"But Emma's here!" He complained.

"She is and you've been great company." Snow snarked. Henry got to his feet, seething.

"Fine." He grumbled, "Bye Emma." Then, he stormed off. They heard the door slam. Alarm bells were going off in Emma's mind so loudly that she almost didn't hear Mary Margaret's question.

"Are you sure you don't want a glass of wine or something?" She asked. Emma shook her head.

"I don't touch the stuff anymore."

"Ok. Well, do you care if I have some?"

"Please. It's your house." Emma said. Man, these people were a circus. Snow walked off into the kitchen and Emma followed, not wanting to be alone in a strange place.

"So, the kid seems pretty pissed at his mom." Emma said.

"Yeah and he has good reason." Snow admitted, "Regina is-I mean. She's got her issues."

"I know." Emma said. Fuck. She didn't mean to say that.

"What?" Snow asked.

"I mean. Damn it...I saw some suspicious pill bottles in Regina's medicine cabinet when she let me use her bathroom." Emma explained. Mary Margaret sipped her wine, chuckling.

"You're pretty bold." She said and it was almost a compliment.

"You know?" Emma asked, truly shocked.

"I have lived with Regina since I was younger than Henry and she has been 'getting help' for longer than that."

"What? And you're just cool with that?" Emma asked, anger beginning to color her words. Snow held up a hand to stop her.

"No, I'm not, but…I don't know. It's always been like this." She said quietly. Emma shook her head. She shouldn't have come. This was way too much, but at the same time, how could she possibly leave? Mary Margaret was an adult, sure, but she was what? Early twenties? And Henry? Fuck.

"She hasn't hurt you, has she?" Emma asked gently.

"No! God, no! Regina is a lot of things, but she would never hurt us." Mary Margaret insisted. Emma let out a sigh of relief.

"So, why haven't you called social services?"

"I did once, but her mother swooped in and made them disappear. Money talks." Snow said sadly. She sipped on her wine again.

"This is pretty insane." Emma said, laughing nervously, "I mean, I don't even know you people and you're just telling me all this."

"You're right. I'm sorry." Snow said quietly.

"Oh, no, please don't be sorry. I mean, this is weird, but like, I get it. I didn't grow up with a great situation either." Emma said quietly. Snow smiled, trying to lighten the mood.

"Regina does try sometimes…She just," Snow sighed, "She just wasn't ready for all this and-"

"Why are you defending her so much?" Emma asked suddenly. Snow felt tears coming to her eyes.

"Because I know her mother."

Miles and miles away Regina lay on a queen sized bed, her legs wrapped around Mal. She was flying higher and higher and for a moment, it almost didn't matter that her son didn't love her. They cuddled more out of a need to touch something rather than a need to touch each other. Regina's skin felt like it was made of pure pleasure, but there was something ruining it. There was something on her mind, distracting her.

"Mal." She moaned, snuggling her tighter. Mal groaned.

"What?"

"Do you think I'm a good mother?" Regina whispered.

"What?" Mal asked.

"Am I a good mother to Henry?"

"Are you kidding me?" Mal groaned, rolling away. Regina sat up.

"No, I'm not!" Regina snapped.

"Well why are you asking me?"

"I don't know!" Regina shouted.

"Stop fucking yelling at me!"

"Fuck you, Mal!" Regina screamed. Then came the tears. Mal groaned, then got up and looked for her pants. Regina just cried.

"Why are you crying?" Mal asked gently.

"Because you obviously think that I'm a terrible mother." Regina cried. She was hysterical. Mal absolutely hated when she got like this.

"Well, Regina, think about it. Henry ran away to find his birth mother a week ago and where are you now?" Mal asked. The edge remained in her voice. Regina stopped crying suddenly, her anger coming in full force.

"I'm dealing with a lot! I'm here seeking comfort from the woman who supposedly loves me!" Regina snarled. Mal stopped dressing and looked at her.

"Regina, you ran away to France to get high with your girlfriend. Man, you are seriously delusional." She said. Regina just stared at her lover for a moment.

"Is that what you think of me? That I'm some deluded fool? That I don't love my son?!"

"I didn't say that. I know you love Henry, but let's be real here. You love other things more." Mal said calmly. Regina's tears returned.

"I love my son." Regina whimpered. The drugs were really taking their toll on her emotions this evening and her mood swings were in top form. It was hard for her to focus on anything but those emotions.

"Regina, come here." Mal finally said. Regina rose and let the older woman hold her. Sometimes, it really seemed like Regina wasn't one person, but many. She was the queen at work, the desperate mother at home, the child with her mother, and the stupid sap here with Mal. They were all so different. How could they all be the same person? Maybe she was no one at all.

"Do you want to smoke a bowl?" Mal asked. Regina shook her head.

"Where's my phone?" She asked, pulling away.

"Why? Who are you going to call?"

"Henry." Regina answered, frustrated.

"You're high as a kite, darling. Don't call him. Jesus. At least wait until the XTC has worn off." Mal insisted. She walked over to the little queen and held her shoulders from behind.

"Please just come to bed. Go home tomorrow. Just be here tonight. Come on. I can roll us a blunt and we can go sit on the balcony." Mal purred. Regina wiped her eyes and almost said yes. Just as she was about to agree, her phone rang.

"Hello?" She said, her voice gravelly.

"Regina." Cora greeted. This sobered her greatly.

"What's this I hear about Henry going to find his birthmother? New York really is the center of the universe." Cora said, her voice light, almost playful.

"Mother, can we please have this conversation tomorrow?" Regina asked, her voice whiny and childish.

"Why? Can't handle whatever fun you've gotten into?" Cora said mockingly.

"I'm tired."

"Then you shouldn't have answered the phone." Cora snapped. The call ended. Regina dropped her phone onto the bed and strode over to Mal.

"I'll go home tomorrow." She said coldly, leaning in for a kiss. Mal chuckled.

"There she is."


	6. Chapter 6: Pretty When I Cry

Chapter Six: Pretty When I Cry

The plane ride home was always Regina's least favorite part of her trips. There was so much waiting, so much uncertainty. She always sat in her seat, waiting for the plane to take off and wondering if she had scheduled enough hours to sober up before she walked into her apartment. This time, she also wondered about Henry. How was she going to win him back? She knew that she needed to be a good mother, but how did one even go about that? Her own mother had certainly left room for improvement, but hadn't Cora been a good mother? Regina was rich and powerful. She had everything she wanted, didn't she? She did. The only problem was that she had everything that Cora wanted. Was it really so bad? Sometimes Regina didn't know the answer.

 _"You look beautiful, Regina." Cora crooned as she took in the sight. Regina just stood there, her face blank. Cora fussed over the dress' train._

 _"Thank you, Mother." She said quietly. With every passing moment, Regina could feel a little less free. She could feel the cold shackles of this impending marriage hanging on her wrists, along with the ones her mother fitted her for…_

 _"Oh, come on, chin up. You're going to be the Queen of New York, Regina. You will have the world at your feet within the week. Anything you want will be yours." Cora said, like she was giving some kind of inspirational speech._

 _"I am so proud of who you have become and I can't wait to see who you'll be. My darling, you will thank me one day. I know you don't understand right now, but one day you will." Cora said. Regina focused on holding in her tears. She was empty. She was nothing. She was no one. Maybe, just maybe, if she could destroy herself from the inside then there wouldn't be anything to cry about. Her internal monologue screamed at her, but she was losing the battle. Tears sprang to her eyes. Cora's smiled faded._

 _"Regina. Dry it up right now!" Cora snapped, "You'll ruin your makeup, honey."_

 _"Let me go fix it in the bathroom." Regina said. She took off, grabbing her makeup bag on the way out of the room. When she got to the bathroom she let herself sob for a moment, then reigned it all in. She was so stupid and so weak. How was she ever going to survive this? A thought popped into her head. Did she have them? Regina tore through her makeup bag. She did. She popped one, then two of her little white pills. The relief was instant. Soon she would feel nothing, so pain and no fear. Then she would get through this. A laugh bubbled up inside her, a terrified and desperate laugh. She clenched her jaw at looked in the mirror. The sight of her wedding dress made her just want to…there was a thump. For a moment, it almost didn't register, but it had happened. Regina had struck herself on the arm. It hurt, but not enough. She did it again. Then she slapped herself in the face. Her breath was heavy._

 _"Regina! What are you doing!?" Cora hissed, rushing to her daughter's side. Regina scowled._

 _"I'm preparing myself for the wedding." Regina spat. Cora grabbed her wrists._

 _"You need to calm down. You're being crazy." Cora said._

 _"You made me this way!" Regina shouted. She was quickly losing control of herself. She slammed her fist into her own collarbone._

 _"You think it'll make you strong to hurt yourself?" Cora asked, a worried look in her eyes._

 _"Oh, it will if it hurts you more." Regina snarled. Cora sighed._

 _"You know what? I have something that will help with this." Cora said quickly. She opened her purse and pulled out a Xanax._

 _"You're afraid of all the power you're going to have, I know. Just take this and you'll see. You'll feel better." Cora offered her the pill. Regina took it and swallowed it dry. Cora smiled._

 _"Now, no more of that violence, my darling. Let's go back out there and rehearse your big day." Cora said brightly._

When Regina stepped out of the car in front of her apartment she was greeted with an odd sight. She saw Emma Swan making her way down the stairs. Rage creeped into her veins like fire and her heels sounded like thunder as she approached. Emma looked up right as Regina was opening the door. Her mouth dropped open. This was definitely not supposed to happen.

"Regina!"

"What in the hell do you think you're doing here, Swan? Were you in my home, visiting my son? How dare you think that you can just-"

"Woah. Chill. Mary Margaret called me and wanted to thank me for the other day." Emma lied quickly. Well, it wasn't entirely a lie.

"Wait a second. Did you spend the night in my apartment!?" Regina snarled. She advanced sharply, nearly pressing Emma against the wall.

"I just fell asleep on the couch. Look, I am leaving. I am not here to take your son. I was just worried about him." Emma sputtered. Once the words were out of her mouth she regretted them so, so deeply. Wasn't she supposed to be leaving, never to return?

"Worried about him?" Regina asked. Shock and hurt bled through her words and she regretted them so, so deeply.

"Regina, it's not my place to tell you how to live your life, but you have a son and step-daughter who cares about you. You can't keep putting them through this." Emma said firmly.

"Putting them through what?!" Regina snapped.

"I saw the pills." Emma said. Regina's breath caught in her throat, but she kept her walls high.

"You don't know me. You don't know my life. How dare your presume to understand what I'm going through." Regina growled.

"You know what? Fine. If you want to spend the rest of your sorry life at the bottom of a bottle then be my guest, but you should know that I am worried about this kid and about Mary Margaret. She has my number and if you can't clean yourself up then I will be back, Mrs. White. I will come back and I will find a way to get him out of here." Emma said slowly. Then she pushed past the shaking addict and stomped out of the apartment building. Regina fumed for a moment. Who did this woman think she was? Did she know who she was dealing with!? She pulled out her phone and dialed Graham.

"Hello, my dear." She purred.

"Regina. What can I do for you?" He asked.

"Find out everything there is to know about a woman named Emma Swan." Regina ordered.

"Why?" Graham asked. He loathed Regina's little projects.

"I don't pay you to ask questions. I pay you to hunt. Now do it!" Regina snarled. She hung up. This Emma Swan had no idea who she was messing with. She had no idea what she was capable of. She would soon find out. She stormed up the stairs. She would have Snow's head for this. How could she?! Regina burst through the door.

"Mary Margaret!" She shouted. Snow was sitting on the couch with Henry. They both looked her, frozen in shock.

"Regina! You're home already. Wow. How was your trip?" Snow began. Regina pursed her lips.

"Save it. Why did you invite Emma Swan into this house? She is trying to destroy this family!" Regina shouted. Henry looked away, but Snow wouldn't be intimidated.

"Henry, would you please go to your room for a moment? Your mother and I need to have a conversation." Mary Margaret said, eerily calm. Henry bolted. Regina crossed her arms, her temper hanging by a thread.

"How dare you." Regina growled. Snow just shook her head there were tears in her eyes.

"Regina, you have a lot of nerve telling Henry that Emma is trying to destroy this family, you know that?" Mary Margaret said. The anger in her voice was clear, but the tears beneath remained contained. Regina started to speak but Snow held up a hand.

"Please don't start, Regina. We really need to talk." She said. Regina didn't care. She wouldn't be overpowered by this child, this lying little child.

"I've got nerve? You brought Henry's birthmother into our home! She just wants to confuse him and clearly she's won you over. Do you really hate me so much!?" Regina screamed.

"No, Regina. Quite the opposite. I love you a lot, actually, despite everything you have done. Henry deserves better. You know he does." Mary Margaret said. Regina inhaled sharply, reloading her ammo, but Mary Margaret cut her off.

"Regina, you need to get help! You need to get help right now and you can't come back until you do." Snow said. The tears came now. Her hand jumped to her mouth to stifle them, but it was fruitless. For a moment, Regina looked the same as she did when Snow really was a child, when they were both so much younger.

"What?" She whispered. Snow swallowed hard.

"You can't keep disappearing for weeks at a time and you can't let Henry watch his mother get so high she can't even help him with his homework. Do you remember when you came home so fucked up that you woke him up at four in the morning to make cookies!? What about the time I had to go to his parent teach conference instead of you because you had locked yourself in your office? This is all just the past year, Regina." Snow said. Regina felt herself losing control. She was so tired. She was so angry.

"Mary Margaret I-"

"No, Regina. No excuses! Go say goodbye." She whispered. Regina could feel the tears streaming down her face, but she refused to acknowledge them. No. She would not cry. She already had her things packed from France. They had planned this. Regina walked past the woman who had watched her unravel, her head held high. Her face was twisted with rage, but what could she do? Mary Margaret was right and she hated that. She hated everything. She wanted to die again…but Henry. Oh, god, Henry. She couldn't even remember waking him in the middle of the night. Had she really done that? Regina stopped at the mouth of the hallway and leaned against the wall to steady herself. She couldn't apologize, not to Snow, so she walked to Henry's room. He was laying in his bed, facing the wall. She entered the room.

"Henry?" She asked. Her voice seemed to impossibly small. He didn't move. She walked to his bed and sat on the edge.

"Henry, I am leaving for a little while…I love you." She whispered in an attempt to holdback her tears. He sat up and turned to her. His eyes were wet with tears of his own.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. He started to cry again, but made no move to hug her or accept her apology.

"Goodbye Regina." He said coldly. Then he turned back around and laid down again, his body shaking from his restrained sobs. Regina got up and walked out of the room in complete and utter shock. She was dizzy. She thought she might throw up. Snow was waiting right outside the door. They walked down the hall together. After what felt like an eternity, they reached the front door.

"Regina, if you come back and you're not clean…Well, don't." Snow said. Regina looked at her, her face a mixture of emotions. Snow looked back, concern and sympathy clear in her face, but there was anger too. Regina's expression settled on fear, and for a moment the women shared something that might have been called a connection. Snow opened the front door and Regina walked through. The door shut behind her. Suddenly, Regina felt like she couldn't breathe. She gasped for air and huge sobs ripped through her. She looked at the stairs and thought about throwing herself down. Maybe it would be for the best. No. She just needed to think, right? Right. She descended the stairs as fast as she could and walked out into the bright morning. It stung her eyes. Her car waited for her. She climbed inside and found her purse. Three pills, then five made it into her mouth. Ok. Ok. Now she could think. She took out her phone and dialed Mal. Voicemail. She stared at the device. Who else could she call? She had no other friends. Her mother was out of the question. The hellfire that would rain down on her would be catastrophic. She called her mother. Voicemail. No. She was alone now.

"Where to, Mrs. White?" The driver asked. Regina looked up as though she didn't recognize him and maybe she didn't. This wasn't her life, right? Then she remembered why this was happening. She called Graham.

"Give me her address." She hissed. Graham sighed.

"Hello Regina." He said, instantly exhausted by her.

"Just give it to me!" She snapped.

"What are you going to do?" He asked.

"Just. Give. Me. The fucking. Address."

"Fine. I'll text it to you, but don't do anything stupid." He said finally. He hung up and a few seconds later her phone buzzed.

"Driver!" She called.

 **Honestly, why did I write this? This chapter got me real fucked up. Holy shit. I've destroyed my own happiness and we're not out of the woods yet, folks.**


	7. Chapter 7: Gods and Monsters

Chapter Seven: Gods and Monsters

 **Ok. So, first things first, thank you all for your wonderful responses. I am so glad that you all enjoy this story so far! Now, I know the last chapter was heartbreaking, but trust me, we are in the eye of the storm. Good luck fam. Let me know what you think!**

Emma Swan was finally home. What a crazy night, and a crazy morning for that matter. She tossed her bag onto the couch and shrugged off her jacket. Man, what a crazy family.

"Woah. Did you sleep over there?" James asked. He was sitting at their little kitchen table, munching on some toast.

"Yeah, I ended up having a long conversation with the kid's older step-sister. Man, their mom, Regina, she is one twisted witch." Emma said, kind of laughing. She was still in disbelief.

"Really? What's her deal?" James asked. He got up and started putting on another pot of coffee.

"Well, apparently she was married to Mary Margaret's father when she was 19. Mary Margaret's the sister. Their marriage was not a happy one, cue the surprised gasps." Emma explained. James shook his head and leaned up against the counter.

"Is this Mary Margaret cute?" He asked with a faux-seriousness.

"Come on, man."

"I'm just asking. You never know who you will find." He said, laughing. That's James; so charming.

"Anyway, apparently Regina's been popping pills since forever and her mom's this psycho, uber-controlling bitch. It's nuts, man." Emma exclaimed. She sighed, and made her way to the couch. She dropped onto it with another long sigh.

"Hey, what's wrong?" James asked, picking up on his friend's sudden mood-dip.

"I just thought that giving Henry up was giving him his best chance, but now I'm wondering if- I don't know, man." Emma said sadly.

"Hey, don't beat yourself up. You weren't in a place to care for him and you made the right choice at the time. I mean, this Regina person sounds crazy but come on, you met the kid. He was smart and articulate. He looked healthy, he had a sense of humor. Nothing in this world is black and white, Emma. Maybe you just-"

A knock at the door cut him off. They exchanged a confused look. Hadn't they had enough surprise guests? James walked over to the door and peeped through the little hole. He turned in a flash.

"Uh, Emma? There are two huge dudes and a really angry woman outside." He said nervously. Emma flew off the couch and raced to the door. She looked through the hole. How did Regina even know where she lived!? Emma sighed.

"That's Regina." She said. James's eyes widened.

"What is she doing here?" James mouthed.

"Like I know!" Emma half-whispered. Regina knocked again, this time louder and more forcefully.

"Emma!" She shouted. The pair exchanged a worried look.

"I can tell her you're not home." James offered. Emma shook her head.

"No, I'm going to handle this." She assured her roommate. He nodded and pointed to the kitchen, where he would be if she needed him. Emma opened the door.

"Regina. What are you doing here?" Emma asked, her nerves masked by an overly cheerful voice. Regina looked as though she wanted to do nothing more than incinerate Emma on the spot.

"Miss Swan, I would like to congratulate you." Regina hissed. She took a step toward the blonde and Emma found herself retreating. Before Emma was aware of what was going on, Regina was inside of her apartment and the two security guards were shutting the door.

"Ok." Emma managed.

"You wanted my son and you have him. You even got Mary Margaret on your side, though I'm sure she was only too happy to turn on me." Regina snarled.

"Ok. What are you talking about? I just went over there to say hello. Mary Margaret and I talked, but I didn't turn her against you." Emma said slowly. Regina was having none of it. She was furious and scared and on the brink of losing her temper in a whole new capacity.

"How dare you! It was a closed adoption!"

"Hey now, he found me, lady!" Emma snapped, "So maybe the problem isn't mine. Maybe the problem here is you!"

"I am a good mother!" Regina roared.

"Your kid ran off to find a complete stranger! Clearly you are not mother of the fucking year!" Emma roared back. This snapped something inside of Regina and she launched herself at the blonde. The oxys were raging in her blood. She couldn't feel anything but the righteous rage inside of her. Her hands found their way to Emma's throat and Emma's hands crashed against her face, her neck. They grappled for a moment until Regina felt herself being lifted up from behind.

"Woah! Everyone calm the fuck down!" James shouted. Regina struggled in his arms.

"A little help here?" James called to the two guards. Claude and Rivers stood still as stone. They only took orders from one person.

"I love my son! I've changed every diaper, soothed every fever, and endured _every_ tantrum! You may have given birth to him, but he is _my_ son!" Regina screamed, trying desperately to break free from James' grip. Emma climbed to her feet.

"Why are you fucking here, Regina!? I don't want to take your son!" Emma spat. Regina seemed to be wearing herself out. Her struggles became less violent and tears appeared in her eyes.

"I don't know!" Regina sobbed suddenly. Emma and James exchanged a look of shock.

"Mary Margaret kicked me out." Regina continued, "The reporters are going to have a field day."

"Ok. Why not find a hotel instead of bombarding me in my home?" Emma said, exasperated.

"I don't know. I just- I love my son." Regina insisted. Her eyes were bloodshot and her face was red and puffy from crying.

"Are you high? Ok. Stupid question. Just _how_ high are you right now?" Emma asked. This woman, this huge mess, was very tiring.

"Fuck you." Regina snapped suddenly. Then, she turned on her heel and stomped to the door. What _was_ she doing there? She might've been embarrassed, but what did this stupid woman even matter? Regina turned back for a moment.

"Stay away from my family." She said. Then she walked out, slamming the door. Her loyal bodyguards followed. Emma and James just stood there for a minute. What had just happened?

"So, that's Regina." Emma said. James shook his head.

"Wow. What the fuck." He said.

"Yeah. Hold on. I'm going to call Mary Margaret." Emma said. James walked into the kitchen and grabbed his cell phone.

"Wait, who are you calling?" Emma asked.

"Uh. The police."

"Don't."

"She just assaulted us!"

"Yeah, but if her money can make social services disappear then I bet the cops are going to be no help. Just let me deal with this." Emma insisted. James rolled his eyes.

"Fine. I'm going to go shower." He called as he walked towards the bathroom. Emma called Snow.

"Hello?" Snow said. Her voice seemed tight, like she had been crying.

"Hey, Um. So, Regina just paid me a visit."

"What? Oh, Emma, I'm so sorry. I had no idea. How did she find you?"

"I don't know, but she was a mess. Did something happen?"

"Yeah, I mean, I told her she had to go get help for the drugs. I told her she couldn't come home until she did." Mary Margaret explained quietly.

"Ok. Well, does she have any friends who can make sure she goes?" Emma asked. She cursed herself internally. Why the hell did she care? Snow let out a cold laugh.

"You mean friends who aren't addicts or her mother? Oh, yeah. Loads." Mary Margaret sarcastically sniped.

"Woah. Ok. Chill. I was just asking." Emma said. There was a silence.

"Why do you care what happens to her?" Snow asked suddenly. It was a fair question. Emma sighed.

"Look. I used to…I had a drinking problem when I was younger. It was after the whole giving up my kid thing and I just…I know how hard it is. Narcotics are no joke and I don't know. Nevermind. If she comes back then I'm calling the cops." Then Emma hung up. She retreated back to the couch and let her phone drop. These people were insane and she wanted no part of it. She had been worried about Henry, but he was with his step-sister. Regina was gone…for now, and that was the truth. Regina _was_ gone in more ways than one. She climbed back into her car. Rivers and Claude followed in a car of their own. Where was she supposed to go now? A hotel was out of the question. She hated hotels. A recovery program? Her mind played footage of what would happen if the press got word of that. A recovery program was out of the question. Her only real option was one of her houses. The closest one was in Long Island. So be it. The drive there seemed longer than it had ever been and she nodded out a couple of times during the trip. When they arrived, Regina stepped out of the car. Ok. She just had to stop taking pills and then she could go home. Yes. All she had to do was not take any more pills. Even the thought of it made her want a whole handful.

A sprawling estate stood before her. Ten bedrooms. Twelve bathrooms. There was a chef's kitchen and a formal dining room. She loved this old house. It was never a house that Leopold ever came to. It was supposed to be her mother's house, but the old witch never wanted to live here. Banishing Cora to Long Island didn't work, but it was a nice house all the same. It would do nicely for her…change.

"Claude. Rivers. I want you two to go home and watch over Henry. Just see that he has everything he needs." Regina said.

"Ma'am, I don't-"

"Rivers, please. Snow White wants me to clean up? Then I'll clean up. For now, anyway. I will be fine." Regina said. Her voice betrayed the terror in her heart, but both men were smart enough to take the woman at her word.

"As you say. If you need us, please call." Claude said. Then, they climbed into their car and departed. She sent away her driver as well. Now she was alone. She entered the house and looked around. It was empty, but the furniture and fixings were all beautiful. She had picked them out herself, after all. Regina lingered in the doorway for a few moments, then bolted upstairs to the room she had set aside for herself in the event that she were to visit. She raced to the medicine cabinet. The entire cabinet was full of every pill she could possibly want. She fished out a Xanax from one of the bottles to calm herself down and instantly felt its sweet relief. As calm spread through her, a tiny thought poked itself through her haze.

 _"Wow. You're not even trying, are you?"_ It said. Tears welled in her eyes and spilled down her face. She had to try. She _had_ to. Regina grabbed the bottles and began dumping them down into the toilet. Ambiens, little orange Suzie Q's, Codeine, Adderall, all down into the water. She flushed. She wondered if this was a good idea. She looked at the two bottles she hadn't flushed. One bottle of Xanax. One bottle of oxys. These were the good ones. These were the life preservers. Ok. She could keep the Xanax. She let the oxys go. Tears were flowing freely, but she couldn't give in. No. She had to try. She had to try for Henry. She took the Xanax and walked out of the bathroom. Regina laid out on the bed and popped another bar into her mouth. It was just for right now. She just had to calm down. Then she could do this. After a few minutes, she nodded out.

 **The next chapter will be the beginning of Regina's detox experience. It's going to get ugly. Don't worry. The savoir is on her way. xoxo**


	8. Chapter 8: Without You

**Thank you all for your support. I've got over 1,000 views and I couldn't be happier. I took a little time to revisit some of the source material to gain a better understanding of our leading lady. Let's see if it paid off. Let me know how I'm doing.**

Chapter Eight: Without You

 _Regina walked quickly through the streets of a barrio she shouldn't have ventured into. She had tried to dress down, to fit in, but it had utterly failed. People on the street gazed at her like they would devour her if she tripped. She made sure to keep her step steady. Finally, she arrived at the pawn shop. She knocked on the door and waited. There was no answer. She knocked again to no avail. Then, she mustered up her courage and entered. The pawn shop was quiet and dark; there were murmurs coming from the back. Her heart pounded, but she pressed on._

 _"Well, well, well, what brings you to my shop?" Mr. Gold asked, approaching from the shadows. Regina jumped._

 _"Oh my god! Mr. Gold!"_

 _"No need to panic. Just me." He said with a laugh, "What can I do for you? Come to partake of more little helpers?"_

 _"No, no. I actually came to return the ones I had left." She said quietly._

 _"I don't do refunds, dearie."_

 _"I don't care about the money, or haven't you heard? I'm the richest woman in New York." Regina said coolly._

 _"Oh right. Congratulations are in order. Believe it or not, I was just about to call you. Would you like to come into the back? Maybe have a drink?" He asked. Regina sighed, slightly annoyed, but nodded. He led her into the back of his shop where two other men were sitting._

 _"Gentlemen, this is Regina White, the Queen of New York. Regina, this is Jefferson and Victor Whale." Gold introduced. Regina nodded._

 _"Charmed, I'm sure." She said coldly. She reached into her purse and fished out the little bottle of pills._

 _"Take them back, Gold." She snapped. He sighed._

 _"As you wish. I guess I'll be seeing you, then." He said. Victor and Jefferson exchanged a look. Regina turned to go, but then she stopped._

 _"There's actually something else I wanted to talk about." She said slowly. Gold smiled._

 _"Alright." He said, the glee apparent in his voice._

 _"My mother said you are a very powerful man. Surely your influence reaches far…I was wondering if you could help me find someone." Regina said, her voice thick with emotion. Gold sighed._

 _"I'm afraid that's not my area of expertise." Gold said. Her face fell._

 _"Please. I'll do anything, please I just need someone to help me find…to find someone who was deported. Please, Mr. Gold." Regina pleaded. Gold sighed again._

 _"I'm afraid it will cost you." He said._

 _"Anything. Money is no object."_

 _"Please, Regina. I don't want your money. I actually don't think you have anything I want." Gold said with a pretend sadness._

 _"However, I think our good doctor here might be interested." He offered. Whale smiled._

 _"Victor Whale, ma'am. I'm a plastic surgeon, a visionary, if you will." Whale said, offering his hand._

 _"And you're good at finding people?" Regina asked. She didn't even bother to look at his hand._

 _"I'm afraid that's my thing, miss." Jefferson pointed out. Regina narrowed her eyes at the pair, then at Gold._

 _"What do you want?" She said evenly._

 _"We need a little help getting the good doctor to Mexico to perform a special surgery." Jefferson explained. Regina's eyes lit up._

 _"Mexico?" She said. Jefferson nodded._

 _"We need you to take him in and out of the country undetected. Can you do it?"_

 _"Yes." She said, "Yes, I can. I have a private jet. We'll get in no problem. Now, how are you going to help me find-"_

 _"Your beloved mechanic?" Gold finished, "Jefferson is very good at finding people and it just so happens that he may know where to look for your precious Daniel."_

 _"How do you-"_

 _"Your mother talks, dearie. Now, do we have a deal?" Gold asked, extending his hand. Regina took it and shook._

 _"Absolutely."_

Regina woke in the same place she had fallen asleep, not in her home. She rolled over. It was nearly noon. She had no idea how long she had been out, but she could feel the nausea rising in her stomach. This was usually the part where she popped a few pills, but she couldn't. She took a deep breath in and then let it go. She got up and changed her clothes, trying to find something comfortingly normal to start her day with. Then, she headed down the stairs to the kitchen and lit a cigarette. She was very worried and every passing moment made her feel worse. No. She had to do this. For Henry. Maybe some breakfast would be a good idea. She looked in the fridge and saw that there was nothing. Shit. She closed the door and sighed. Tears sprang to her eyes and her hands shook. Panic crept into her breath.

"Just the drugs." Regina said to reassure herself. She knew that giving up narcotics and the rest wasn't going to be easy. She just had to remain calm and in control. Her stomach screamed and she began to sweat. She forgot about the lack of food and puffed on her cigarette. Ok. Maybe she just needed to lie down. Then, she had an idea. She could call Henry. Maybe if she could just talk to him, maybe she would feel better. She walked to the phone that hung on the kitchen wall and dialed his number.

"Hello?" He asked.

"Henry!"

"Mom? Aren't you supposed to be-"

"I am, Henry. I want to redeem myself." She said. There was silence.

"Hello?" Snow asked.

"Mary Margaret." Regina realized. Her stomach rolled.

"Regina, what do you want?"

"I want to talk to my son."

"Well, it seems he doesn't want to talk to you…How are you doing?"

"Fine, dear. Actually, I'm doing great." Regina spat. Her stomach threatened to turn on her completely. She faltered.

"Ung."

"Are you alright?" Snow asked. Then, Regina vomited onto the floor. She felt awful, possibly worse than she had ever felt. She groaned in pain.

"Regina!"

"I'm trying. To. Change. For Henry." Regina insisted.

"Regina, are you alright?" Snow asked, suddenly quite worried. She could hear the older woman's breath on the other end of the line; it was shallow and wet.

"Please, Henry. I love you." She said, beginning to grow delusional.

"Regina, what's going on?" Snow asked, terrified. Regina vomited once more, then dropped the phone. She didn't care that Snow was calling for her. Her body shook gently, but she knew she needed to find a bathroom. She carefully made her way down the hall. There it was. Regina tried to move faster, but she ended up crashing into the sink and falling to her knees. Her body shook with pain and every movement made her dizzy. She made it to the toilet and continued to vomit.

 _"We'll be arriving in a few minutes." Regina assured her companions. Jefferson and Whale nodded._

 _"Thank you, your majesty. You have no idea what a huge help you've been." Jefferson said warmly._

 _"Now, when we touch down, I need to take care of some business. Whale will attend to his. When I come back, I can take you to Daniel." He explained. Regina's smiled faded._

 _"What sort of business?" She asked._

 _"Just something for Gold. It's nothing to concern yourself with. Just get yourself checked into the hotel and I'll be back to fetch you." He said. Regina didn't like this one bit, but she also didn't care what this shady business was. She was finally going to find Daniel and that was all that mattered. When the plane landed, Whale and Jefferson bid her farewell and made their way into the city. She lingered by the plane for a moment, but then left to do as Jefferson asked. Once she was gone, he returned and moved to where the fuel was stored. He pulled out his phone._

 _"The cargo is secure." He said quietly. Gold giggled._

 _"Excellent. You've really put on a show for our little queen." He purred. Jefferson laughed._

 _"You're too kind. Once I've made my deliveries, we will proceed as planned."_

 _"Very good. Oh, and Jefferson? Make sure it hurts."_

Mary Margaret stared at her phone for a few seconds after Regina hung up. She didn't like the woman, but she was suddenly very worried about her.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Your mother sounds like she's really trying, Henry." Snow said quietly. He huffed.

"Whatever." He spat. Mary Margaret smiled sadly. You could see Regina in his little scowl.

"I need to make a phone call." She said suddenly. Henry furrowed his brow.

"Why?"

"Look, for better or worse Regina is family. I need to make sure that she is going to be ok." She said. Then, she walked into another room and called Emma.

"Hello?" Emma said, slightly annoyed.

"Emma, I need to ask you something."

"Ok. What? I'm kind of at work."

"I wanted to know if you could go check on Regina. She just called me and she sounds like she needs help. I'm worried she might-"

"Mary Margaret, I think I made myself clear. I want nothing to do with this. Look, Henry is a great kid, but Regina literally assaulted me yesterday. I would prefer to never see her again, ok?" Emma explained, growing more and more irritated.

"I know. I'm sorry. I just can't leave Henry alone and you said you had experience and…I'm just really worried about her." Snow said. Emma stayed silent.

"I can pay." Snow remembered, "Name your price and I'll pay it." She insisted. Emma chuckled.

"Ok. A million dollars." She joked.

"Done. When can you leave?"

"What!?"

 _Jefferson smiled as he entered the rundown house. Gold's heroin had been delivered and he was going to procure and excellent paycheck this week. Regina knew nothing of this element of their trip, but Gold assured her that if he did his part well, she would continue to be useful in the future. He just had to make her a monster by destroying the thing she loved most. So, he would do exactly that. The plan had begun six months prior, when Gold had found Daniel. They had been feeding him dope since then, and now? His humanity was nearly gone. Daniel's life after being deported hadn't been great, but it had been a life before they had found him. Now he was merely a shell of his former self. The madman maneuvered his way through the house, stepping over other junkies until he found the one he was looking for._

 _"Hello, Daniel." He said. Daniel stirred gently, but the drugs were powerful and he could barely open his eyes. He said nothing from his place on the floor. He was perfect. Jefferson looked around quickly and found a spare syringe. He filled it with a fresh dose and left it on the table beside Daniel. He checked to make sure that none of the other creatures saw._

 _"This one is just for you. Now, I have a very special guest for you to meet, Daniel. She's someone from your past." He said. Daniel's eyes opened and he spotted the syringe. He took it and smiled._

 _"Thank you." He said. Jefferson grinned and walked out of the house to the spot where he had told Regina to wait._

 _"Ok. He's in there, but I should warn you. He may not be the person you remember." He said gently, taking her into a hug._

 _"I don't care. I just need to see him." She whispered, allowing herself to be held for a moment._

 _"As you wish." He said. Jefferson led her to the door and opened it. She peered inside. There were people strewn all around the house. They were in varying levels of intoxication. One or two looked dead, but she honestly didn't want to know if they actually were. She was led deeper into the house and then she saw him._

 _"Daniel!?" She cried. She raced over to him and threw her arms around him. He was going in and out, but her voice brought him to the surface._

 _"Regina? Regina, is that you?" He asked. Jefferson spied the syringe he had left. It was empty._

 _"Oh, Daniel! I've missed you so much." She sobbed. He laughed weakly._

 _"I thought you had forgotten about me." He said, clumsily trying to hold her._

 _"Never! I never stopped thinking about you, not even for a moment." She said passionately. He smiled and let out a sad laugh. Then his eyes closed. She let go of him and he slumped over to the side. She tried to keep him upright._

 _"Daniel!? Daniel!" She screamed. His eyes were rolled into the back of his head. His breath became labored. Jefferson remained calm, but if he could have, he would have smiled._

 _"What's wrong with him!?" Regina cried, looking to Jefferson for help. He gave her a panicked expression, but made no move to assist._

 _"Call an ambulance!" She screamed, "Daniel! Daniel!" But he was gone. Oh, the only thing left was-_

 _"¡Policía! Todos abajo y puso sus manos en el aire!" Right on time. Jefferson grabbed Regina and pulled her to her feet._

 _"We have to go. Now!" He hissed. She fought him for a minute, but the police were pouring through the front door._

 _"Daniel!" She cried, but Jefferson shushed her fiercely._

 _"We have to go right now!" He spat. Then, he pulled her through the house and pushed her out the back door. Once they were outside he ran, pulling her back to the jet. Once they were safe, she threw herself violently against the door of the plane, sobbing openly._

 _"I'm sorry, Regina. I'm so sorry. Please, just go inside and I'll check on Whale." He said gently. She nodded and obeyed. He pulled out his phone._

 _"Hello?"_

 _"Everything was perfect. The police arrived just as he was dying. It was beautiful, really." Jefferson reported. Gold chuckled._

 _"Good." Then the line went dead. Jefferson called Whale._

 _"You can come back now. Everything went better than expected." He said. Whale, who had been at a nearby bar, arrived within minutes._

 _"Ready?" He said. The pair made their way into the jet to find Regina weeping in her seat. She looked so small, so perfectly vulnerable._

 _"Jefferson told me what happened. I'm so sorry, child. I only wish I had been there." Victor said gently. She looked at him and sniffed. He gave her a tissue._

 _"I want to go home." Regina whispered. So they did. A few days later, Regina knocked once more at Gold's door. This time, however, he answered._

 _"Regina, what a surprise. What can I do for you?" He said. Her face was plastered with a chilly determination, and she had come dressed all in black._

 _"I came for a little help." She said, stepping inside, "I'm sure they told you about Daniel." She said quietly. Gold nodded, looking ever so sorry._

 _"Yes, my dear. What a terrible tragedy. Come into the back and let's see what we can get you." He said gently. She wanted the pain to fade and be swallowed completely. She didn't care about anything else, not Leopold or her mother. She had told them she was seeing a psychiatrist, but she was doing something better. She knew that popping pills was a dark road, but she no longer cared. She secretly hoped she would overdose one day, but until then she would fly. Gold led her through the shop and pulled back the curtain, to let her pass. Mal waited for her this time._

 _"Hello, dear." The blonde purred. This was going to be the beginning of a very lucrative alliance._

Emma climbed out of her car and checked the address Mary Margaret had given her. Yep, this was the one. She scowled and paced a bit. She could not believe she was about to go into this house and help a crazy drug-addled psycho through her detox. She remembered the money she was promised and scowled again. A million dollars was a million dollars and she could barely believe this was happening. Emma sighed, then gathered her courage, and finally entered the house.

"Regina?" She called.

"Uh. It's Emma. Mary Margaret sent me to check on you and make sure you were alright!" She called louder. No answer. This made Emma nervous. She walked through the house and found the kitchen. There was vomit on the floor. Emma sighed. So, it had begun. She looked around some more and finally heard heaving. She raced to the door. Regina was lying in the tub, completely clothed. She had a little bit of sick on her dress and she was soaked with sweat and water. She looked like she was on death's door and the only indication that she was alive was the occasional dry heave. Emma raced to her side.

"Hey there, champ." Emma said softly. Regina's eyes strained to see her.

"Swan." She groaned, trying to get up.

"Woah, take it easy. I'm here to help you."

"Fuck. Off." Regina struggled to say. She dry heaved again and coughed violently. Her body shook.

"No. I'm here to help you and I'm going to help you whether you like it or not." Emma said. Her voice was strong and for a moment, Regina almost believed her.

"Now, let's get you out of that dress. Did you bring more comfortable clothes?" Emma asked. Regina glared at her and flared her nostrils, but said nothing.

"Ok. That's fine. I brought some because I know you're a huge bitch and would be absolutely no help to me." Emma said cheerfully, "Wait here."

"Go. To. Hell." Regina groaned.

"Yeah, yeah. You're welcome." Emma answered brightly. Then, she dashed back out to her car and grabbed the duffel bag she had brought. Did she like this? No. She hated this. Did she want that money? Yes. She really did. School loans, credit card debt, and her apartment would all suddenly be paid off. She could totally handle a fussy pill head and she would, for the money. Emma headed back inside and found Regina crawling out of the bathroom, sobbing loudly. Emma sighed. It was going to be a long week.

"Regina?" Emma said gently.

"It hurts. Oh my god. It hurts." Regina said quickly through her tears. Emma knelt on the carpet beside her.

"I know it does. Come on. Let me help you into something more comfortable, ok?" Emma offered. Regina glared at her, but the pain was immense. She absolutely didn't want this woman to help her. She could do this on her own, damn it. Another wave of nausea and muscle pain rolled through her.

"Ok. Ok. Please." Regina heard herself say. Emma helped the brunette to her feet and steadied her against the wall. She fished a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants out of her duffel bag.

"Can I unzip your dress?" Emma asked. Regina nodded. So, she did. The black sheath dress fell to the floor and Regina was left in only her underthings. Sweat poured off of every inch of her skin.

"Do you want to try putting the shirt on?" Emma asked. Regina nodded, shakily taking the shirt. She turned around and let her bra drop. Then, she pulled the shirt on. It clung to her damp skin.

"Ok. Now let's do the sweatpants." Emma said. She held them out for Regina to step into. The brunette placed a hand on Emma's shoulder and climbed into the hideous article of clothing. Regina hated herself in this moment. She hated herself for giving in and accepting the help, but she was in so much pain. She faltered, but Emma caught her.

"Ok. It's alright. I've got you." She whispered. Regina wrapped her arms around Emma and for the first time in a long time, she felt safe.


	9. Chapter 9: Bel Air

Chapter Nine: Bel Air

For three days Regina barely spoke to Emma. She cried, she shook, and she couldn't keep her food down more than about ten minutes, but she barely spoke. She spent a good amount of time pretending that Emma's presence annoyed her, often rebuffing the blonde's attempts to help her. At night she would crawl into the bathroom and sweat herself to sleep, but even that didn't last. All day and all night, Regina was assaulted and reassaulted by the demons of her past. Sometimes she saw Leopold out of the corner of her eye with his gentle smile and cruel wishes. Sometimes, when her bones screamed out in pain, she swore her mother was right behind her with a belt, whipping in her lessons. She felt as though she was going mad. Doing almost anything required a strength she didn't know she had, but when she faltered, Emma was right there somehow. The blonde was always there to hold her hair back as she hugged the toilet and to mop her brow when she was too weak to do it herself. On the fourth day, Regina's curiosity got the better of her and she finally asked the one question she couldn't answer herself.

"Why are you here, Miss Swan?" She hissed through the agony. Emma sighed in her chair next to the bed.

"Your step daughter is paying me a million dollars." She admitted. Regina laughed a hearty laugh.

"Good." She said. That meant that neither of them would owe anything to the other when this was done. Regina turned over in the bed, away from her nursemaid and tried to sleep. Emma sighed. She had seen this woman endure a whole lot, but she still didn't understand her any better. Regina's face screwed up with pain and a layer of sweat covered her body suddenly.

"Are you alright?" Emma asked. Regina's breath was shaky and a few moments passed in silence.

"No, Miss Swan. I am not alright. Happy now?" She hissed.

"At least you're talking to me." Emma said.

"Go fuck yourself." Regina managed through clenched teeth.

"Aww. I love you too, Regina." Emma mocked. Regina sighed, but she was feeling a little more than extremely sensitive and the sarcasm stung. She began to cry again.

"Shit. I'm sorry." Emma said. She was exhausted. They both were. Regina's sobs intensified.

"I don't know how this happened." She whispered through her tears, "I just wanted to win, for once. All my life I fought becoming her, but here I am. Oh god, I'm worse."

"Her who?" Emma asked.

"My mother." Regina said quietly. Emma rose from her chair and sat beside her charge on the bed.

"I know how you feel." Emma said. Regina turned to shoot her a look, but saw that there were tears in Emma's eyes.

"I hated my parents for abandoning me when I was a kid and then, I did the exact same thing." Emma admitted. A wave of nausea passed through Regina. Emma sensed it and grabbed the trashcan beside the bed. Regina dry heaved into it for a few minutes, then laid back down.

"I suppose I should thank you, then, for fucking up. If you hadn't, then I never would have met my son." Regina said. Emma laughed.

"I suppose I should thank you too. I never would have seen him again if you weren't such a mess." She said. Regina was nearly delirious with pain and nausea, but she saw a flicker of something pass through the blonde woman's face. Regina tried to sit up, but found it almost impossible.

"What do you need?" Emma asked. This was usually the part where Regina glared at her and continued on her own, but she was far too tired for that anymore.

"My cigarettes, please." Regina said. Emma couldn't help but smile.

"I'm not condoning this, but where are they?" She asked. Regina pointed weakly to the dresser, where her purse had ended up. Emma returned with the cigarettes and glanced around the room for an ashtray.

"Check the bathroom." Regina suggested, reading her mind. Sure enough, a little glass dish sat on the side of the sink. When Emma returned, Regina was sitting up now, puffing away on her cigarette.

"How long have we been here?" Regina asked.

"This is my fourth day, I think."

"Fuck." Regina breathed.

"Tell me about it." Emma shot back.

"What time is it?" Regina asked.

"It's four in the morning." Emma answered with a laugh. Regina snorted in spite of herself and put the cigarette out in the ashtray. Then she laid down and closed her eyes, attempting to sleep again. Emma sighed.

"I'm going to be in the room next door if you need me." She said. Regina nodded and Emma made her escape. She had to hand it to her, Regina was taking this like a champ. Regina, meanwhile, waited until the other woman was gone before she burst into tears again. It felt like her skin was burning, her joints hurt like hell, and she wanted to scream. She just wanted to scream and scream until her voice broke. She had to hold it together in front of this stranger though. She closed her eyes and, by nothing less than a miracle, fell into a fitful sleep. Her dreams came quickly and violently. One moment she was standing beside her wedding cake, tied to a stake, while her mother lit the pyre beneath her. In the next moment Mal was fucking her from behind while Gold looked on, throwing money and pills at her. Then she was shivering naked in front of Leopold. He approached, his lips pulled into a hungry grin.

 _"Oh, Regina, it's supposed to hurt the first time."_ He said. She wanted to run, to scream, but she couldn't. Her body wasn't her own. She watched as her hands reached for him and pulled him into an embrace. She felt her lips against his. Inside the cage of her mind, she screamed and fought, but her body refused to listen. She screamed as loud as she could and suddenly she saw Emma.

"Hey! Hey! Regina wake up!" She urged. Regina's voice failed her for words. Only sobs came out.

"You were dreaming. Are you ok?" Emma asked. Tears poured out of her eyes. Emma sighed and climbed into the bed with her. Regina reached out and found Emma's shirt. She clung to it for dear life and quickly wrapped herself around the blonde woman. Emma took that as a big 'no.'

"Shhhh. It's ok. They're gone." Emma whispered. She had heard names. Someone named Leopold, her mother. Regina cried openly, her hands shaking. She barely registered that Emma was someone she had to keep up the walls for, someone she hated. She just needed to hold someone, someone who didn't want to hurt her for a minute. Just one minute. After a few minutes, the sobs died down and Regina realized what was happening. She let go and Emma moved away.

"You want to talk about it?" Emma asked gently. Regina sniffed. She couldn't go back to sleep anyway.

"About what?"

"Whatever you were dreaming about." Emma pressed. Regina stayed silent.

"Who's Leopold?" Emma asked quietly. Regina looked away.

"My dead husband." She whispered.

"You still dream about him?"

"Often."

"How long-"

"People thought he was such a good man. They treated him like a fucking saint…but how could he be?" Regina began. The words were flowing now, the ones she had desperately needed to say but never had.

"I was nineteen when he married me! He thought he was being such a great guy by waiting to consummate the marriage but he got sick of waiting. So one night he-he just came into my room and he…I hated him for that, but you know who I really hated? I hated myself for letting him do it. I was weak. I was so fucking weak."

"Regina, you weren't-"

"Yes I was! I couldn't live with myself knowing what he had done to me. So I just didn't want to feel weak anymore…" Regina's tears came back in full force. Emma opened her arms for another hug, but Regina shook her head. She grabbed a cigarette off of the bedside table and lit it, taking long drags through her tears.

"God, I feel like hell." Regna exclaimed. Emma sighed.

"I'm sure you do. Hey, you know, you've been a real trooper through this whole thing and I'm sure your stomach could use it. Do you want some breakfast?" Emma asked. Regina just looked at her for a moment.

"Emma, I killed him. Well, I had him killed anyway. I tricked a man into killing my husband and then framed him for assaulting me! I did countless other crimes! So, still want to make me breakfast?" Regina snarled. Emma looked at her. She was so tired. They both were.

"Look, Regina, I'm not here to judge you, ok? I'm really not. I'm not that shocked anyway. Now, you have clearly got some issues and it's really clear that you're fucking unhinged, but shit happens, ok?" Emma said, her voice thick with emotion. This answer confused Regina. Emma growled in frustration.

"Look, I get it, ok? When I drank I got into fights all the time and frankly, I would have killed someone if I hadn't found someone who cared about me. That's what makes you and me different though. I found someone who cared. David stopped me from shooting the ex who sent me to jail for him. If he hadn't? Well, then I think we would have even more in common. Now do you want some fucking toast or not!?" Emma shouted. Regina just sat there, shocked to her core.

"Yeah." She whispered, "I'll take some fucking toast."

"Good." Emma said, then she ran out of the room. She hadn't meant to admit that. She hadn't meant to get invested in this stupid woman, this infuriating woman. But despite her best efforts, she cared. Emma found herself hating this "Leopold" character. Maybe not enough to be cool with Regina's confession, but enough to understand. Emma made some toast and some eggs from the groceries she had gotten a few days prior. When the eggs were done she looked up and Regina was slowly making her way to the dining room table. Emma furiously went about her tasks, angry at the people in Regina's life; almost as angry as she was at the people in her own. They ate in silence and Regina was able to keep the food down.

Regina didn't know what to make of this woman. A part of her was wary of a woman who accepted the fact that she had been instrumental in a murder. A larger part, however, was confused. Why did this woman care suddenly? Why had she confessed to her own dark past? Was it a trick to get Regina to trust her? The thoughts stormed between them until Regina's ringtone broke their silence. Emma rose and walked back into the bedroom to retrieve it. The caller ID read: "Mal 3" By the time Emma had returned to Regina, the call had been missed.

"Who's Mal?" Emma asked, handing the phone over. She knew, but she wanted to hear it from the source. Regina sighed.

"Mal is my girlfriend, or I guess she was." Regina explained. Emma raised an eyebrow.

"Why's that?"

"Mal wouldn't give up her drugs for anything, least of all me." Regina said sadly.

"Man, is everyone in your life an asshole?" Emma asked almost laughing at how dismal Regina's situation was.

"Do you think I would pop all those pills if they weren't?" Regina sniped. Emma shook her head, laughing a little.

"I see your point. Do you want to go back to bed?" The blonde asked. The words had rolled off of her tongue so easily. Regina's eyes widened. It seemed too intimate and yet, Regina found herself wanting to say yes. She felt better than she had in a long time, and though she still felt pretty awful, she couldn't help but be glad that this persistent and irritating woman had come to look after her. Emma cursed herself internally for the implication of her words, but she really wanted a "yes." This frustrating, homicidal, mother of her kid looked like she had never been asked before, not about anything. She was the kind of person who was **told** and it bothered Emma more than she wanted to admit. Regina looked different for a moment than she had before. She looked softer, gentler. She looked ten years younger.

"Yes." Regina whispered. So they did. They walked slowly back to the bedroom they had come from and Regina climbed in between the sheets. She looked back at Emma. The blonde felt like she was moving in slow motion as she climbed in beside her. They laid apart for a few minutes until Regina shifted closer. She pressed her shoulder into Emma's. Emma swallowed hard.

"I'm glad you found someone who stopped you." Regina whispered.

"I'm sorry you didn't." Emma replied. Then, they slowly drifted to sleep.

When Emma woke, Regina's arm was draped over her stomach. She looked down. Regina was topless and sweating profusely.

"Hey, are you ok?" Emma asked gently. Regina shook her head.

"Alright. Let's get you to the shower, ok?" Emma said. Regina nodded and let herself be led. Once Regina was sitting where the water could hit her, Emma looked away. She had seen this woman naked quite a few times during the time she had been here, but it suddenly made her blush. Something had changed. Suddenly, there was a voice loud and clear at the front door.

"Regina! Mother is here!" Cora called. Both Emma and Regina froze. Regina's body began to shake and her eyes welled with tears.

"Ok. Wait here. I'm going to get rid of her." Emma said quickly. Regina gasped for air and couldn't properly answer. Emma dashed into the bedroom and pulled on her jeans. She took a deep breath and walked into the hall. She didn't know the details of their relationship, but she had gathered enough from what little Mary Margaret had told her and Regina's reaction. The blonde woman raced to the front door.

"Who the hell are you?" Cora asked brightly, "One of Regina's whores? Well, you can leave now."

"Uh. No. My name is Emma and I'm helping Regina detox." Emma said. So, this was the big bad monster, huh? Cora was dressed in a pantsuit and there was a tiny little dusting of white on the collar.

"Oh really?" Cora asked dangerously.

"Yeah and I don't think it's such a good idea for you to see her right now."

"Bullshit. I'm her mother." Cora snapped.

"I know who you are." Emma challenged, "And I don't think you should see her right now."

"Let me guess. You're going to stop me?" Cora asked coldly. Emma nodded. Cora advanced one step, then another.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" The old woman snarled.

"Mother stop it!" Regina shouted. She was dripping wet, wearing a long t-shirt and the shorts Emma had let her borrow. She entered the room looking weak and shaky. Her voice, however, was strong.

"Regina, honey, what's this I hear about-"

"Unlike you, mother, I care about my son. I'm getting clean for him." Regina said proudly.

"Oh, Regina. What lies has this woman filled your head with?" Cora crooned, moving to touch her daughter. Emma moved in front of Regina, but Regina gently pushed her out of the way.

"I'm turning my life around."

"You're a fool!" Cora laughed, "You really think this sorry display is going to make Henry love you?" The old woman cackled cruelly, fueled by drugs and demons of her own.

"No. I don't think that." Regina said, shaking, "But Henry deserves better than what you gave me!" Cora raised her eyebrows, her grin wild.

"Well, well, well, you have been busy. You look awful, my dear."

"Better than you, you old bitch." Regina snapped. Cora sighed, almost sad suddenly.

"You know, I really did come here to help you, Regina, but I can see that you and your new girlfriend have it all under control." Cora said softly. Then, she turned on her heel and walked out. The pair waited until they heard the car leave. Regina collapsed, crying.

"I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have done that. Oh my god. Mother wai-"

"No, no. It's ok, Regina. It's ok. You did the right thing." Emma assured her, pulling her into a comforting hug. Regina fought her embrace.

"No! She's my mother. She only wants what is best and I shouted at her!" Regina sputtered, her anxiety shooting out of control. Emma held on tighter.

"If she truly loves you, then she will understand that detoxing makes us say things we might not mean." Emma insisted. Regina stopped fighting but the tears did not. After a few moments she looked up at Emma. Emma smiled down at her.

"You're not my girlfriend." Regina snapped. Emma laughed and Regina let out a nervous chuckle.

"No, I'm not." Emma said, "Now come back to bed so we can finally get some sleep."

"Fine." Regina said, and they did.


	10. Chapter 10: Million Dollar Swan

**Welcome back, dears. The slow burn begins! Plenty of SwanQueen goodness in this one. The fic will probably end in a chapter or two after this, but there will be a sequel showing their courtship called: "The Love Game of Regina Mills." So, make sure to keep an eye out for that once the fic ends. Enjoy and drop me some love. Oh, and btw, the song is actually "Million Dollar Man" but you get the picture.**

Chapter 10: Million Dollar Swan

The days passed amiably between the two women. Something had certainly changed between them, but neither one wanted to explore what that was either within themselves or with each other. They shared a bed most nights so that Emma would be right there if Regina had another nightmare, and she had many. Little by little, the shakes died down. Soon the vomiting ceased altogether. The muscle pain and emotional delicacy remained, but it was highly bearable by the end of the week. Regina woke on the eighth day almost feeling like a person. She opened her eyes and looked over at Emma, who was still sleeping. Regina quickly realized that her arms were wrapped around her companion. She had no idea why, so she removed them immediately. She rose and got dressed in clothes of her own for the first time since her detox had begun. This was the first time Regina had been sober in years. It was scary, but thrilling in its own way. Maybe she could do better. Maybe she would be worthy of her son's love one day. Regina walked out of the room and padded down the hall to brush her teeth without waking Emma. Emma Swan. What a conundrum. Regina didn't totally understand why this woman gave a shit about her. How could she? How could anyone? Regina looked at herself sadly in the mirror. Just a sad old addict. She felt like crying, but managed to keep herself together. Regina was eager for the emotional side of her withdrawal to stop so that she could get through an hour without bursting into tears. At least she could eat and sleep now. Once her teeth were brushed and her hair was combed she made her way into the kitchen.

"Good morning, Regina. How did you sleep?" Emma asked, shooting her a smile.

"Better." Regina answered, unsure of how her companion had gotten down here first.

"You certainly look it. Want some toast?"

"Yes." She said. They ate together in a comfortable silence. Emma poured her some coffee once she had finished her first cup.

"Thanks." Regina said quietly, "You know, I'm feeling a lot better. You don't have to cook for me anymore."

"Oh. Sorry." Emma said. Regina smiled.

"It's fine. Thanks for breakfast."

"So, uh. Now that you're feeling better, I should probably get going, huh?" Emma said gently. Regina sighed.

"Yes, I suppose you should."

They looked at one another for a moment, but felt that the intimacy that had manifested was slipping back into the shadows. Soon, it would be like this week hadn't happened. Soon they would simply go back to their lives. Regina's would be weird and different, but better. Emma's would be much the same, but emptier somehow. After Emma cleaned their breakfast dishes and made sure that Regina had enough food for another day or two, she packed her things. Regina watched quietly, not wanting to hover, but unable to leave. She chain smoked. Finally, the time had come. Emma stood at the door, about to leave. She lingered.

"You know, I admire you." Regina said, softly.

"Why's that?"

"Life handed you shit and you made lemonade." Regina snarked.

"So, will you." Emma said warmly. She put her duffel down and went in for a hug.

"Thank you, Emma, for everything."

"I guess this is goodbye then."

"I guess it is." Regina said, pulling herself out of the embrace.

They lingered for a moment, unsure of how to proceed. They had to part after all, it seemed. No sudden symptom was going to force Emma to stay.

"Well, call me if you need anything." Emma said quietly.

"Ok." And then Emma left. Regina felt the absence of her companion immediately. It was like all the air was sucked out of the room, all of the magic that was keeping her from completely freaking out. She took a deep breath to steady herself and took off in search of her cigarettes. She needed to stay grounded. She needed to quell the anxiety that was already starting to build. Maybe she couldn't do this. Maybe she was broken beyond repair. Woah there. Ok. Regina took another deep breath. She just needed to calm down.

When Emma arrived at her apartment James was waiting for her. He embraced her warmly.

"You're back! I was just starting to miss you, man." He said. Emma laughed.

"Yeah, sure. You missed me from the moment I left." She sniped. He smiled.

"So, how was her majesty, the monster?" James asked, putting on a silly voice for effect.

"Actually, she was great."

"Wait, what?"

"I mean, she really stuck to her guns and made it through the week without incident. She really went through hell. I mean, sweats and pain and all that and she didn't relapse once. Besides, her mom is a complete psycho. She stormed the castle, so to speak." Emma said, her excitement and pride clear in her voice.

"You really care about her." He observed, startling Emma.

"What? No. I just see a little bit of myself in her and I'm happy to help those in need. There's actually a really sweet person underneath all that bitch."

"Not to mention that she's a total fox." He teased.

"James. Stop it." Emma said firmly. He laughed.

"You've really got it bad, Em." James teased. Emma's temper was close to being lost, but the phone in her pocket buzzed.

"Saved by the bell. Hello?"

"Emmmmma." Regina slurred. Emma's heart dropped.

"Regina? Regina, what did you do? Are you ok?" Emma demanded. Regina sniffled, tears apparent in her voice.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Emma. I'm so sorry." She whispered. Then, she hung up. Emma raced into her room to grab some more clothes for the duffel, cursing the whole way.

"Are you going back? You just got here!" James called. Emma didn't skip a beat and packed quickly.

"James, she needs me." Emma replied as she grabbed her stuff and exited the apartment. The door swung shut and James shook his head.

"Sucker." He said with a chuckle. Emma drove as fast as she could without killing herself. When she arrived at the house in Long Island she didn't even bother with knocking. She just ran in, ready to save Regina if she needed to. Regina was lying on the kitchen floor, clearly high out of her mind.

"Fuck!" Emma shouted. She ran over to the woman on the floor and picked her up, fireman style. She raced to the closest bathroom and laid her in the tub. Regina was largely unresponsive, just a murmur here and there. Emma turned on the shower with some cold water. Regina jerked awake, but struggled to remain conscious.

"Emma?" She murmured, "Just Xanax."

"For fuck's sake, Regina. I was gone for what? A whole fucking hour? Jesus."

"I didn't want you to leave." Regina whimpered.

"Then why didn't you say so? This is so not cool."

"I didn't think you would come if I didn't…" Regina whispered, her grip on reality going in and out. The water seemed to be helping a little.

"Well, I would have stayed if you had asked. I would have just come back if you had asked." Emma said, clearly upset and more than a little angry.

"No, you wouldn't." Regina insisted. Emma sighed.

"How much did you take, Regina?" She asked, trying to regain her composure. Regina sniffed, trying to stay calm, but the drugs and the water and Emma…She wept. Regina looked up at her suddenly and really looked at her. She had come back. Emma had really come back. Emma helped her out of the tub after a few minutes and led her to the bedroom they had been staying in. She found new clothes for the broken woman from her drawers and placed them on the bed.

"Can you get dressed?" Emma asked gently. Regina nodded, so Emma turned around. Though it took her a considerable amount of time, Regina did manage to change her clothes. She climbed into the bed, shivering. Emma slipped off her jeans and joined her. Regina wrapped herself around Emma and smiled. Emma sighed. Regina sniffed and began to cry once more.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered, feeling so stupid, so weak.

"I know you are, but this is not cool, ok? Just…Just don't do this again. You've worked really hard. Regina, look at me. You've worked too hard to have your happiness destroyed." Emma said, "Even if you're the one destroying it."

Regina tried to process what she had heard, but it made little sense. How could anyone care about her like that, especially someone who had seen her so low, someone who knew her darkness? She had no idea how to process the emotions she felt, nor how to express them properly. Was this…? Regina didn't know what this was. She had been staring at Emma for a few seconds and Emma began to chuckle nervously.

"Uh, Regina? You good? Do you need me to get the trashcan?" She asked. Regina just continued to look at her, slowly moving in closer. Emma could feel the other woman's breath on her lips. In a moment of complete and utter drug fueled madness, Regina placed her lips against Emma's ever so gently. Emma's eyes widened and she pulled back, startled. Regina's eyes searched for some explanation in the other woman's face, but found nothing. Then, the brunette turned over and hoped she would soon pass out. Emma just laid there, still as stone. Had that just happened? No way. That hadn't just happened. There was no way that Regina White had just kissed her. A blush crept up her neck, but she remained completely motionless as if moving would break something intangible between them. After a few minutes of this, Emma noticed that Regina had finally fallen asleep. She sat up and threw her legs over the side of the bed. Fuck. That was definitely not part of the plan.

Emma walked out of the room and headed out onto the front porch of the house. Something about this infuriating woman made her want to drink again. The urge swelled, but Emma just laughed. Her drinking days were long over and she was glad of it. Regina, on the other hand, was in for another bout with withdrawal. Emma punched one of the porch's posts.

"Why are you so determined to ruin yourself?" She whispered.

 _Emma was feeling good, real good. She had a bottle of tequila in one hand and a bottle of cheap whiskey in the other. The party around her raged and swelled with music, with bodies, with invitation._

 _"Who's ready to get fucked up?!" She shouted. A chorus of cheers rose from the crowd. James, her reluctant companion tried to help her down from the counter she had leapt onto._

 _"Emma, come here." He insisted. She refused._

 _"Aw, come on daaaad. Loosen up!" Emma shouted. James smirked and shook his head._

 _"Emma, come on. We were supposed to-"_

 _"I'm not supposed to do anything."_

 _"You have an exam tomorrow and so do I!" James reminded her. Emma rolled her eyes. Like she cared. She was sure that her undeniable luck would get her a good grade in the end. What did it really matter though, in the end? All she could see was that baby. Over and over again the baby was brought to her and cast off. She had been out of prison for three years and that baby still haunted her every day. She took a long swig out of the whiskey bottle. Why was she even bothering with college? She didn't have anyone to impress, no parents or anything. This was such a waste of time. Emma hopped off the counter, suddenly broody and stormed through the house. She finally made her way outside and sat forcefully on the front porch. There was a couple to her left that made out noisily. How annoying. Emma looked up to the sky and almost made a wish, but what was the point? This wasn't a fucking fairytale. Then she looked down, out into the night and saw someone she had hoped she would never see again climbing out of a long black car._

 _"Neal!?" she whispered, "Neal!?"_

 _"Emma?" Neal said, his face lighting up with joy. Her face, on the other hand, did not. Her face was full of fury. She grabbed one of the bottles by the neck and smashed it against the step she was sitting on. Alcohol splattered all over her jeans and shattered glass shot into the air around her. The couple shouted at her, but she couldn't hear them. She just had to get to Neal. Her boots made clear tracks with every step from the force of her stride._

 _"Emma, woah. Emma, look I'm sorry! I-"_

 _"Shut the fuck up!" She screamed, pointing the broken bottle at his face._

 _"Emma, I had no idea-"_

 _"You fucking left me for the fucking cops! I went to prison, you fuck!"_

 _"I know. I know and I'm so sorry, Em." He said, nervously eyeing the bottle._

 _"Well, guess what? I don't forgive you." She snarled. She swung the bottle, but missed. Neal swerved and grabbed her from behind, trying to calm her down._

 _"Let go of me, you fucking coward!"_

 _"Emma, please just calm down."_

 _"Is this woman bothering you, son?" Mr. Gold asked, limping over. He had a gun in his hand, ready._

 _"Papa, please. There's no need for that. Emma is just really fucked up and-" Emma broke free from his grasp and lunged for Gold's gun. The cripple couldn't stop her from overpowering him. Now she was very drunk, very angry, and very armed. She pointed the gun at Neal. Gold cursed himself for not bringing back up. He hadn't anticipated this. They put their hands up and waited._

 _"You ruined my fucking life!" Emma screamed. She was crying now._

 _"Emma, just put the gun down." Neal said slowly._

 _"Shut up, you stupid sack of shit."_

 _"I'd listen to him, dearie. You have no idea who you are messing with." Gold said dangerously._

 _"I had a baby, Neal! In prison! Because of you!" Emma screamed, louder and wilder. Both men froze. A baby?_

 _"Wait, what?" Neal whispered. Emma refocused and placed her finger on the trigger of the gun._

 _"That's right, Neal." Emma snarled. She readied her aim. This was going to end right now. Right before Emma could complete her revenge, James tackled her to the ground and wrestled the gun from her hand._

 _"Get the fuck off of me!" She barked. James just held on tight. He threw the gun away, as far as he could._

 _"It's ok, Emma. I'm here. I'm here." James insisted. Emma sobbed. Neal and Gold just stood there, completely dumbfounded. Gold quickly pulled out his cell phone and dialed a number._

 _"Jefferson. Special job for you. I need you to find a child." Gold said quickly. Then he turned to the car. They had a lot of dope to sell that night and he was in no mood for any more hiccups._

Jefferson had indeed found the child. He had found him and Gold had known exactly who to give him to: A lonely woman who remained entirely under his control. Regina had only been too glad to adopt Henry. It didn't matter that he was already four. Gold cut through a lot of red tape and Regina was just so happy that she didn't ask too many questions. Regina believed this child would change her, and she was right, but she was still such a young fool. She finally had the one thing that would love _her_ above all else, but that was exactly the problem.

 _Snow and Henry sat on the floor, waiting for Regina to return. Snow peered over at this new child. He had been at their house for three weeks and he hadn't said much. Now, it was clear to Snow that Regina liked him better and that made her sort of angry. In the next room, Regina was digging through her purse for a little something, anything. Her mother would be coming in twenty minutes and the kids weren't fed, the house was a mess, and she felt like hell. She had no idea how to face those tiny people who constantly craved her attention; they relied on her. She just needed a little something to help her through the day. If she could just get through this day, she wouldn't need the drugs anymore. She just had to get through this visit. Finally! She found a little baggie of white powder. It wasn't what she was looking for, but it would work. She shook a little onto her finger and snorted it quickly. Ok. Now she could do this. Now she could face the children. Regina walked back into the living room and put on a big smile. She hated the way Snow looked at her. Her eyes always seemed to say, "I know that you want to die." Henry had not yet grown accustomed to his new surroundings and he never had to know that she had tried to kill herself. Snow was ruined forever, but he was perfect. He never had to know who she really was, and if he never knew, then he would love her. This was the first time since her marriage to Leopold that she felt like she was going to be able to survive._

Regina finally stirred in the bed. She had no idea how long she had been out. She felt awful again and she cursed herself for popping that Xanax. She had just wanted to be calm. She cursed herself again. Ok. It seemed that some stupid part of her needed Miss Swan's presence to feel safe. Regina vowed to find that part of herself and destroy it. This wasn't meant to last forever. She had to learn to cope without the blonde. Why did the thought of Emma leaving make her want to cry and scream? She didn't even know Miss Swan and this Swan character certainly didn't know her…but that sounded fake even in her private thoughts. Emma did know her. She knew the darkest parts of her and here she was, ready to save her. Regina slammed her hand on the pillow, then raised her hand to strike herself. She glanced behind her to make sure the other woman was not present and slammed the heel of her palm into her collarbone. The sweet sting greeted her like an old friend, but it seemed wrong this time.

"Regina, you're up. What are you doing?" Emma asked from the doorway. Regina's head whipped around to look at her, tears sneaking into her eyes. The sudden movement made her nauseous and her hand flew to her mouth. Emma dove for the trashcan and brought it to the other woman. Regina vomited.

"It's ok." Emma said soothingly. She rubbed Regina's back. Regina finished and looked up at the blonde.

"I just don't understand." She whispered.

"Well, you reintroduced a substance back into your body. You're going to re-experience some of your withdrawal-"

"No, not that." Regina snapped. Emma sighed.

"Ok. Then what?"

"Why are you here?" Regina asked. Her voice was so small, so fragile. Emma's heart broke.

"Look, I know you don't think you're worth the effort, but…Sometimes shit happens and it makes us feel like we're not worth it. I'm here to show you that you are not all bad, Regina…because that's what we do. That's what decent people do." Emma said. She was stretching it, she knew. Decent people would have called a hospital or some professionals by now…but Emma knew how delicate this woman was. She wanted to help her; she just didn't want to admit it yet. She could see that Regina was desperate for love, for acceptance, and Emma wasn't interested in being devoured by the black hole what was the Queen's heart... She had to stay strong and she…Regina was just staring at her intently, searching her face for any sign of-

"Miss Swan, what's wrong?"

"Uh. Nothing. You were just staring at me."

"Oh. Sorry." Regina said, turning away. Neither woman knew what to do next. Neither woman knew what the other wanted, or even what they themselves wanted. Emma sighed and flounced onto the bed. Regina laid down gently beside her.

"Hey, Regina?" Emma asked.

"Yeah?"

"I know you don't want me to leave, but honestly, I kind of want to go home." Emma said quietly. Regina sighed, deeply wounded.

"Oh." She whispered, turning over.

"Hey now, it's not like that." Emma insisted, rolling to face Regina's back.

"Hey. Come on, look at me." Emma said gently. Regina sighed, irritated, but turned around.

"Why don't you come with me?"

"To your apartment?" Regina asked, "With your boyfriend?"

"James is my best bud, but he's not my boyfriend. Look, I need to go back to work and you don't want to be alone, so, is just makes sense." Emma said. Regina sighed and rolled onto her back. She felt like hell, but the blonde made a good point.

"Where will I sleep, Miss Swan?"

"Well, I figured we could just keep sharing a bed so I can keep an eye on you, but I can sleep on the couch if you want me to."

"Fine." Regina said quietly. She turned over, away from Emma and released the biggest smile she had inside of her. Emma let out a sigh of relief and settled onto her back again.

"Maybe in a few days you'll feel well enough to go home." Emma offered. Regina's brow furrowed.

"Don't ruin the moment."

"Moment? I'm sorry, were we having a moment?" Emma laughed. Regina sighed. She had thought they were, but maybe not.

"I'm just not ready to think about my old life yet. I have so many people to see, to explain to…I'm still pretty ripped from those Xanax, so can we just lay here?" Regina asked. They both sighed. Regina lifted her arm, inviting Emma in closer. Emma stared at the offering, but took it, sliding in behind Regina. Regina wiggled her backside against Emma and settled in. Emma blushed and hoped that the other woman would not take notice.

 **Wow. This got long. Review and let me know!**


	11. Chapter 11: Born To Die

**So, it looks like is having some kind of issue because traffic stats are not showing up. Reviews are all I have to know whether or not I am running this fic into the ground, so please leave one. "You're not fucking it up." Is perfectly acceptable.**

 **In other news, I have been REALLY sick lately. Hence why I haven't written anything. It seems to be settling down finally so here you go!**

 **Xoxo Q.M.**

Chapter 11: Born to Die

The ride back from the house in Long Island was oddly quiet. Regina was highly anxious and Emma? Emma was surprisingly anxious as well. She wondered if bringing the other woman home with her was a good idea, but James had said it would be fine…Regina stirred in the passenger seat of the yellow bug and put on her sunglasses to keep out the morning light. Emma sighed.

"You know, we could have taken one of my cars." Regina said coolly. She needed to get her mind off of the waves of pain in her joints.

"Why? My little yellow baby is great for long trips." Emma said, patting the dashboard. Regina rolled her eyes.

"It's a deathtrap, Miss Swan."

"Aw, come on, Regina. No fussing. You'll hurt her feelings." Emma said, poking out her bottom lip for effect. Regina let out one small laugh.

"Are you feeling alright?" Emma asked gently, refocusing on the road.

"I feel pretty awful, but I will manage."

"Ok. You want to listen to some music?"

"That depends largely on what you consider music." Regina said, smiling her socialite smile.

"Rude. I listen to awesome music."

"I'm sure you do." Regina said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"So, do you want the aux cord or what?"

"You're making me choose?" Regina asked, clearly uncomfortable.

"You're the one who feels like shit." Emma said. Regina sighed and fished her phone out of her purse. She scrolled through her music library, but had no idea what to choose. After a few minutes, Emma chuckled.

"Just put it on shuffle, Regina. I'm pretty open." Emma said warmly. Regina sighed, slightly frustrated. Why was she being such a child about this?

"Actually, I'd like to sleep, Miss Swan." Regina said suddenly. Emma shrugged.

"Ok. I can wake you up when we get there."

"Please do." Regina growled. Then, she leaned on the window and pretended to fall asleep. Emma sighed, but focused on the road. She could sense that her companion was uncomfortable. Was this a bad idea? Maybe she should have just stayed in Long Island…or maybe everything would be find once Regina wasn't in so much pain. What that "fine" would look like was beyond Emma's grasp. What did she want out of this anyway? Emma looked over to the woman in her passenger seat. She knew she was only pretending to sleep and the sentiment sort of annoyed her, but she tried to let it go. Regina was in pain and clearly out of her element. Maybe she would relax a little more once she got to Emma's. Emma snorted. As if that would happen. If anything, Emma was slowly beginning to realize that Regina discomfort was probably going to get worse. Wait a second. Why did she care?

 _"You know why you care."_ Emma thought sourly to herself. She sighed and turned onto an exit. She pulled up to the 7-11 and gently touched Regina's shoulder.

"Hey." She said. Regina stirred. Maybe she had actually fallen asleep…that, or she was a really good actress.

"Do you want something?" Emma asked gently. Regina shook her head, unable to speak properly through the pain and nausea. Perhaps leaving the house was a bad idea.

"Ok. I'll be right back." Emma promised. She left. Regina stared out the window, watching this blonde stranger walk away from her. Why _had_ she come? She could have called her guards to come stay with her, keep her from doing anything stupid…but she hadn't. Though she would never admit it aloud, much less to anyone else, she liked Emma. She wanted to be near her, to be comforted by her. Regina scowled through another roll of sickness. She opened the car door and dry heaved. Skipping breakfast had been a stroke of genius. She just sort of sat there for a few minutes, staring at the road. Her mind drudged up an image of Henry and the chill in his eyes when he had told her goodbye. She supposed she had deserved it. How had all of this happened? She remembered adopting Henry. She remembered Leopold's proposal. She remembered the first time Mal took her into herself. She remembered Cora. None of it seemed to come together for her in her mind to make sense, but all the pieces were there. She was really only missing one.

 _"So, this is it." Mal said loudly. They walked through a long hallway and entered a small room at the end. There was a bed with a large curtain that hung over the top, like a canopy. There was a record player and guitars of varying styles. Mal walked over and let herself fall into the mattress. Regina lingered by the door._

 _"Mal." She whispered. The older woman was already rolling a joint, but Regina wasn't so sure about all of this. She fiddled with the sleeve on her dress._

 _"What's wrong, princess?"_

 _"Nothing."_

 _"Ok." Mal accepted too easily. She returned to her task. Regina cautiously walked over to the bed and sat gingerly on the side. She sighed deeply._

 _"Ok. Tell me what's wrong or I'm not going to give you any of this." Mal said. Regina fiddled with her sleeve again._

 _"What if we get caught?" She whispered. Mal let out a laugh that was both cold and warm somehow._

 _"Caught? By who?"_

 _"My mother." Regina said quietly. Mal turned and looked at her young companion._

 _"How long are you going to let her dictate your life, Regina?" Mal asked. She slid a hand up Regina's knee, resting it on her hip. The younger woman almost shuddered._

 _"What about Gold?" She asked. Mal laughed again._

 _"Oh, come on. I'm pretty sure they're too busy rolling around in sheets of their own to even notice what we're up to. Now kiss me." Mal ordered gently. Regina let a tiny smile play at her lips. She leaned in and kissed her companion, her lover, her savior. Mal grinned through the kiss, chuckling._

 _"You kiss like a married woman." Mal whispered. Regina shifted uncomfortably._

 _"Don't say that."_

 _"Why not? It's true."_

 _"I hate thinking about it. I'm not really married to him, not in the way that matters." Regina said, her voice firm and defiant. Mal smiled._

 _"There's my rebellious girl." Mal said. Then, she leaned over and found the joint she had rolled. She sparked it up and took the virgin hit. The old dragon passed it to Regina and watched as she took a long pull._

 _"Ever since I met you…Things have been different, Regina. I asked you to come here for a very special reason tonight." She said._

 _"Oh yeah?" Regina said, advancing on the other woman, her predatory instincts springing to life._

 _"Not yet. Here, wait a sec." Mal hopped up and walked over to one of the guitars. She pulled it into position and strummed. She winked and began to play. Regina watched in a mixture of awe and pride. Was this her doing? After a few minutes of playing, Mal placed the guitar back onto the floor. Regina exploded in applause. Feeling a little awkward and a little pleased with herself, Mal sauntered over and took back the joint._

 _"You're playing again." Regina said._

 _"Yeah. I am, and I have you to thank. I got my fire back, but that never would have happened without you."_

 _"Oh, come on. You didn't need me to-"_

 _But Mal cut her off with a kiss. She placed the smoking joint into an ash tray on the bedside table and gently pushed Regina onto her back. Ever so slowly, she climbed on top of the brunette, smiling._

 _"Uh. Mal?" Regina practically squeaked. A blush crept up her neck._

 _"Shhh. I want to give you something in return, something wild." Mal purred. Regina's eyes darkened. She thought briefly of her dear, beloved husband who was probably settling into bed now. She wondered if he missed her. She wondered if he knew who she was with and what she was doing and she smiled wide. She pressed her hips into the woman above her. Well, if she was going to do this she was really going to do it. She was going to throw herself in the fire because when she did she ever get something that was hers? Never. Her life was never her own. Did she love this woman? Did it matter? Regina released a breathy sigh as Mal's lips descended her neck. The blonde's deft fingers opened her dress exposing her chest. Regina hated her mother and her husband and all the people who had stood in her way, driven her to darkness…So she decided that she would take it and she would destroy them with it._

 _"Wait." Regina whispered. Mal paused._

 _"What's wrong?"_

 _"Nothing. Just pass me that joint so we can really enjoy this." Regina purred. Mal chuckled and their night descended._

"Hey, you ok?" Emma asked, pulling Regina out of her memory.

"Yeah. I was just nauseous. Nothing new."

"You want some water?"

"No." Regina said quietly. She pulled her body back into the seat of the car and rested against the padding. She began to sweat again. Emma shook her head.

"Why are you being stubborn right now?" She asked. Regina glared at her. Emma sighed and walked around to her side of the car. She stepped in a slammed the door a little harder than she meant to.

"I'm going to assume you're acting like this because you're in pain." Emma said. Regina remained quiet.

"Hold this." Emma said and she thrust a can of diet mountain dew into Regina's lap. They didn't speak for the rest of the drive. When they finally arrived at Emma's apartment, Regina was in poor spirits. She didn't want to meet this James person, no matter how charming he was advertised to be. She didn't want to think about her life. She wanted to go back to Long Island. She wanted her fucking drugs. Emma ushered the pouting woman up the stairs and they arrived at the door.

"Ok. I don't know why you're being so moody all of a sudden, but I'm not going to hold it against you, ok? I know you're going through a lot. Just say hi to James and you can hang out in my room if you want to be alone." Emma offered. Regina looked at her and extended a hand. Her fingertips brushed the collar on Emma's shirt. She scowled and withdrew her hand.

"Ok..." Emma said, confused. Then, she opened the door. James jumped off the couch and ran to greet them.

"Emma! I'm so glad you're back." He said, embracing his friend. Regina lingered in the doorway until Emma nodded to her.

"Uh James. You know Regina. Regina, this is James."

"Hello." Regina muttered. James offered her a hand to shake, but she made no move to take it.

"Ok! So, I'm just going to go set her up in my room. I'll be right back." Emma exclaimed. She dragged her charge down the hall and pushed her into her room, shutting the door behind them.

"Regina. I need you to talk to me. I know I said I was going to be chill, but I really need you to level with me here. What's wrong?" Emma said, her voice thick with concern. The problem was that Regina didn't really know. She was upset, that much was clear, but she couldn't put her finger on why exactly. Maybe it was all the thinking she had been doing. She hated to reflect on her life…

"Regina." Emma said sternly.

"I don't know!" She snapped. Emma put her hands up.

"Ok. Well, can you tell me what you're thinking so hard about? Maybe we can talk it out." Emma offered gently. Regina scowled and went to sit on the bed. She crossed her legs, and glared at the wall. Who was she actually glaring at?

"I've just been thinking, Miss Swan." Regina growled.

"Ok."

"I have been thinking about my life; how all this happened."

"Ok. And?"

"And I'm not enjoying the process!" Regina snarled. Emma sighed.

"I'm sure you're not."

"And I've been thinking about something else." Regina whispered, "I've been thinking about you."

Emma wasn't sure what to say to that. She wanted to ask more questions, but she wasn't sure she wanted the answers.

"I just…I don't know what I'm going to do once I leave here. I'll be clean enough to go home and be with my family, but…I don't know!" Regina explained, her anger rising again.

"Why are you so angry?" Emma exclaimed. Regina's eyes met hers. The queen's rage was palpable and yet, there was something softer and more vulnerable beneath it.

"Because…because I like having you around and I don't want to lose you and I hate that. I hate myself for wanting to talk to you. You tried to steal my son!" Regina cried. Emma shook her head.

"No, don't start that again. I am not here to steal your son. I'm doing this for the money, remember?" Emma deflected.

"So that's it? I pay you and you're gone." Regina said coldly. Emma sighed.

"Wait. I…Regina, look…I like you too, ok? I didn't need to bring you here, but I wanted to." Emma murmured.

"You think I don't know that?" Regina asked. They spent a moment or so not speaking, wondering what the other was thinking and not wanting to admit to their own emotions.

"Maybe we can be friends when all of this is over." Emma said gently. Friends? Regina wasn't overly familiar with the concept. She didn't know what that was. She got to her feet and strode over to Emma, making her retreat a step. Regina leaned into the blonde, her breath tickling her lips. Emma sucked in a breath, hoping the other woman hadn't noticed, but knowing that she had. Regina's eyes darkened.

"I'd like that, Miss Swan." Regina breathed. Emma swallowed hard and tried to back up, but found herself with her back against the wall. Regina didn't understand what friends were, or what they did. She had only one friend and their relationship was certainly unusual.

"Cool." Emma squeaked. Regina was _way_ too close to her. Why was she standing so close? A moment passed between them, but it was broken by James knocking on the door.

"Uh. Emma? I was going to order Chinese. Are you in?"

"Yeah!" Emma answered. Regina didn't back down from her stance. She smirked and closed the distance between them, culminating in a kiss.

"I'd like some too." She purred. Emma was so confused. So, they were friends now? Friends with weird sexual undertones? What? Emma swallowed again and her hand found the handle of the door. She opened it and slipped into the hallway. James raised his eye brows at her.

"What's up with you?" He asked. Emma sighed.

"Nothing. Let's go get some eggrolls." She said, pulling him down the hall. When they got to the front door Emma called back to Regina to let her know that they were leaving, then tore out into the city.


	12. Chapter 12: West Coast

**THANK YOU for all of the views, favorites, follows, and kind words. They have made this writing experience SO wonderful. Bless all of your perfect little faces.**

 **Xoxo Q.M.**

Chapter Twelve: West Coast

"Emma, what is your deal?" James asked, half laughing as his roommate pulled him onto the street.

"What? My deal? I don't have a deal. I'm just really hungry." Emma insisted. Her nervous laughed completely gave her away.

"Uh. Ok. We can pretend that you're being totally normal right now or you can tell me what's up."

"You suck, James." Emma groaned. The guy just laughed and clapped his hand on Emma's shoulder.

"I do. Now tell me what's wrong." James said gently. Emma sighed and stopped walking. The blaring chaos of New York at midday seemed to reflect her mood.

"Ok. Regina's crazy." Emma hissed.

"Oh is that all?" James mocked. Emma glared daggers at him and turned to keep walking. He caught her hand.

"Em." He said sternly. Emma stopped, huffing loudly, but not turning to look at him. How could she?

"She kissed me, James." Emma said finally.

"What!?"

"Yeah! She kissed me! Twice! I have no idea what the fuck to do about this!" Emma explained, shouting and laughing and feeling completely overwhelmed. James sighed and they fell into a gentle pace.

"So do you like her?" He asked softly. She looked at him as they walked, totally shocked.

"Why are you so calm right now?" She asked. He shrugged.

"You didn't answer my question."

"James! She is a barely sober psycho with a taste for narcotics and barging into people's houses to fight them and-"

"Blondes, apparently."

"Oh my god! What is your problem!?" Emma shouted. James sighed.

"I don't know, Em. You're right. She's a pretty fucked up person…but my question stands. You're the one who raced off to save her when she called." He pointed out. Emma sighed and opened the door to their favorite Chinese place.

"Yeah, I did." She accepted. They walked in and ordered their usual.

"You think Regina wants anything specific?" James asked. Emma shook her head.

"She would have said something. I'm surprised she didn't. Just make sure to get her an eggroll."

"Ok. So you do like her." James said. Emma rolled her eyes.

"Just get the extra eggroll." She snapped. Back at the apartment, Regina was pacing in the living room. She wanted to smoke a cigarette, but it occurred to her that she shouldn't smoke in Emma's apartment. That would be rude right? Wait. Why did she care? Regina pulled out a cigarette and her lighter, but stopped. She sighed, irritated. Maybe she was going soft. Then, she walked to the front door and stopped again, feeling anxious about leaving…but the urge to smoke was too strong. She took off into the New York street. The white hot blare of the sun greeted her when she finally made it outside and she hissed. She was still sensitive to all of this and she regretted leaving her sunglasses inside. She lit her cigarette and relief washed over her. Then, it hit her. The door to the building had locked behind her. She would be trapped out here until the pair returned with food. Regina cursed herself for not thinking at through.

"Fuck." She whispered. She leaned against the side of the building. The day wasn't too hot, but this was certainly not ideal. At least she was dressed properly. She puffed on her cigarette and contemplated Emma Swan. Why had she kissed her exactly? It was hard to say. She liked her, sure, but suddenly Regina felt sort of exposed. Why _had_ she kissed her? She thought about all the times she had kissed Mal. That had been different; usually the result of a substance running in her veins. No, kissing Emma was not like that…then she thought of Daniel.

 _"It was more like that."_ She thought softly. Then she pushed the thought out of her mind. No way. There was no way she was comparing them. There was no way they were the same and yet…She flicked her first cigarette and promptly lit another.

"Regina? What are you doing outside?" Emma asked, her arms full of bags. Regina looked up from her thoughts startled. She held up her cigarette.

"Oh right! Sorry about that. I didn't give you the key. Thanks for not smoking in the apartment. Is something wrong?"

"No. Why?" Regina asked, flicking the cig into the street.

"You just look like you were really thinking about something." Emma said. Regina looked at Emma for a moment, trying to figure out how she felt. James cleared his throat.

"Well. Who wants food?" He asked pushing past Emma and unlocking the door. The unlikely trio headed up the stairs and back into the apartment. James and Emma quickly set the table and fixed some glasses for them while Regina looked on awkwardly. When the table was ready they all sat down and ate together.

"So, Regina," James began, "How's the detox going?" Emma shot him a look.

"It's fine." She answered quietly, pushing rice around on her plate.

"Emma was just telling me about your house in Long Island. It sounds gorgeous."

"Well, it technically belongs to my mother." Regina said coldly. James nodded, either oblivious to her mood or simply able to look past it.

"Either way, it sounds like a dream. But then again, you own half of Manhattan, so I guess it's pretty old hat for you." He said. Regina sighed.

"It is a lovely house, I suppose." Regina said. Emma sensed the tension and smiled extra wide.

"Where's Killian?" Emma asked quickly. James chuckled.

"Oh, you know. He's on one of his tours. He should be back this week."

"Who's Killian?" Regina asked.

"Oh. He's my boyfriend." James said, smiling.

"Oh." Regina said quietly.

"Disappointed? I understand." James said, an air of humor in his voice. Regina snorted.

"You couldn't handle this." Regina smirked. She ran her tongue over her bottom lip for effect. Emma swallowed hard.

"Watch out!" James laughed. Regina smiled at him, feeling herself loosen up a little.

"You had better. After all, look at what happened to the last man who tried to love me." Regina purred. James and Emma exchanged a shocked look, but Regina just chuckled.

"Oh come on. He was _my_ husband. Shouldn't I be the scandalized party in this joke? I'm not. The grief counselor said that humor is healthy." Regina explained. James just shook his head.

"You're really something, Regina." He said. She smiled.

"Thank you, dear. So, where did you meet?" Regina asked.

"I met him during a cruise to the Caribbean."

"Oh, how nice."

Once their lunch was over, James headed off to the gym leaving Emma and Regina alone in the apartment. Their time together was a little more awkward now that Regina wasn't constantly vomiting or writhing in bed. The Queen sat on the couch while Emma paced.

"Why don't you come sit down?" Regina asked. Emma sighed and stopped walking to look at her.

"Regina, why did you kiss me?" Emma asked finally. The brunette didn't answer for a moment because she had been thinking about this all day.

"Was it unwanted?" Regina whispered. Emma resumed her pacing.

"I mean. I don't know! Jesus!" Emma snapped. Then, she turned on her heel and made for the door.

"Emma!" But Regina was too late. Emma had left her alone in the apartment. Regina rose to go after her, but stopped.

 _The music raged around her in the club. Regina sat nestled in a cushy chair, overlooking all of it._

 _"Would you like another drink, Mrs. White?" The waitress asked. Regina nodded._

 _"Yes, and bring me Mr. Jones." The Queen snapped. The younger woman nodded and quickly rushed off to obey. Mal sat to the right of her lover, preparing a line or two of their favorite treat._

 _"What are you going to do to him?" She asked. Regina chuckled darkly._

 _"That depends on what he says. If he's been a good little boy, then he will get a good little reward."_

 _"And if he's been a bad boy?"_

 _"Well, then he will find out why they call me the Evil Queen." Regina mused. When the lines were ready, Regina and Mal shared them, then a quick kiss. Regina returned to her throne and sighed, content. After a few minutes, the waitress brought Mr. Jones before the Queen._

 _"Mrs. White. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance." Killian said softly, kneeling. Why this woman insisted on such theatrics was beyond him, but he knew what noncompliance could cost him._

 _"Tell me, Mr. Jones, did you do the job?" Regina asked, smiling. Killian faltered and Regina's face tensed with rage._

 _"About that, actually." He started._

 _"Don't tell me you showed up without-"_

 _"Of course not!" He shouted. Regina paused, shocked that anyone would dare to cut her off. Mal chuckled._

 _"Good. Then you will receive your payment." Regina said, settling down into her chair. Her mother was dead. She was finally dead. A grin began to spread across her face. Mr. Jones, though mysterious, had successfully sunk her mother's ship and she was finally free. She had gotten rid of everyone who had ever stood in her way._

 _"Thank you, Mrs. White. I look forward to relaxing on a puertorican beach."_

 _"Oh, and you will. You'll have enough to retire there for the rest of your life." Regina assured him. He nodded._

 _"May I go?" He asked. Regina smiled._

 _"You're certainly cheeky, aren't you? Yes. Please go." Regina said. She had what she wanted. What did she care what this man did. He left quickly, but it didn't occur to Regina to follow. She turned to Mal._

 _"I did it, baby." She whispered. Mal smirked and sauntered up to the throne. She threw on leg over one side, then pulled herself into a straddle on Regina's lap._

 _"Yes, you did." Mal whispered back. Her lips crashed against those of the younger woman's. One hand held her suspended over the chair and the other slipped down to Regina's face. It slid down her chest to the waistband of her slacks._

 _"Shall I take you right here, as you survey your kingdom? Or, would you like me to bend you over the ottoman instead?" Mal purred. Regina smirked and raised her hips to meet Mal's fingers. They locked eyes and Mal slipped her hand into the slacks._

 _"So wet." She whispered. Regina hummed with pleasure, but before they could get any further, Rivers burst onto the balcony._

 _"My apologies!" He shouted. Mal pursed her lips, irritated. Regina pushed her out of the way._

 _"What!?" She snarled._

 _"I just got a call from Henderson."_

 _"And this is a good reason to disturb me because!?"_

 _"Henderson was on your mother's ship." He said urgently. Regina stared at her guard for a moment, then the cold realization hit her. She was on her feet in an instant._

 _"Find Jones. Find him right now! Send everyone and get my car ready!" Regina barked. Rivers nodded and left._

 _"Regina?" Mal asked gently._

 _"If he thinks he can play me then he is wrong! I will find him and it will be his head!" The Queen shouted. Regina's phone buzzed on the table near them. She raced to see who had texted her. It was from Cora, and all it said was, "I love you too, darling." Regina threw the phone and it shattered on the floor. Though they searched for days, they never did find Mr. Jones. It probably would have helped if Regina had known his first name._

Regina sat alone in Emma's apartment, furious that she had fled. She waited one minute, then ten, but Emma hadn't come back. She sank into the couch. What was she doing? She had probably just kissed her because she needed someone to feel close to, even for a moment. Regina groaned and pondered this blonde, this Emma Swan. She liked her. She wanted to possess her. She wanted Emma to want her. She just didn't know how to say it. She didn't know how to ask for safety or forgiveness or any of it. How could she? She had lived a sordid life. She had taken lives and ruined many more. How could anyone ever possibly love her? But, before her spiral into despair was complete, Emma burst back through the door. Her eyes were wild and she advanced on the other woman quickly. Emma pinned Regina to the couch and kissed her. The brunette's mouth opened, accepting the gift. She arched her back into the embrace and soon they were tangled on the couch. Emma's hands made their way lower and lower until they stopped. She pulled up for air.

"Godddamn it, Regina." Emma whispered. Regina sighed and let herself relax onto the couch.

"Goddamn it yourself." Regina said back. Emma crawled off of her and sighed, getting to her feet.

"I don't know what to do." Emma admitted.

"You think I do?"

"Yeah, actually."

"Well, newflash Miss Swan. I don't. I don't know if you've noticed, but my life is in shambles. Forgive me if I don't really know what I'm doing." Regina explained, sitting up. Emma rolled her eyes.

"I just want you. I want you so badly, Regina, and it freaks me the fuck out." Emma said, exasperated.

"Then come here." Regina urged. Emma looked at the beautiful woman before her, terrified of what her next move might mean. She took a seat on the couch.

"I can't make you any promises." Emma whispered.

"I don't care." Regina said. Then, the Queen cupped the blonde woman's face and pulled her in for another kiss.

 **That flashback is going to come into play soon. Don't you worry. Ciao!**


	13. Chapter 13: Old Money

**Yay is back! Reviews and views are coming back. All is right with the world.**

 **Bless all of you for reading, commenting, and for all of the follows/favorites. It means the world to me.**

 **Why don't we check in with some of our other awesome characters before we get back to our ladies?**

 **Xoxo Q.M.**

Chapter Thirteen: Old Money

When Mal woke, she was lying in one of the beds that she had shared with Regina. Was this still Paris or was she in Prague now? She sat up with great effort and three her legs over the side of the bed. She gazed out of the enormous sliding glass window onto the beach. Oh right. She was in California again. The old rocker chuckled and bumped a quick line of coke, you know, just to get her started. She wiped her nose and brushed her teeth. You'd never guess that she was almost 40 from the way she partied or the way she fucked, but it was the truth. Once her teeth were clean and her face was washed, she looked for her phone.

"Good morning, darling. How are you?" Cruella asked.

"Fine. What time's the gig?" Mal grumbled.

"You've got one at 4 and another at 7. Then you're on a plane."

"Ok."

"Tell me, darling, is your little princess there with you?" Cruella asked. Mal smirked and put the call on speaker so she could get dressed.

"How do you know about that?"

"Oh, the real question is how am I only finding out? Ursula heard the lady's protests straight from her mouth, you know."

"Oh really? Well no. She's not here." Mal confessed.

"I can't imagine why you choose to spend your time with her. She's so frigid."

"Did you seriously call me to gossip about Regina?" Mal snapped, pulling on her leather pants.

"Actually, I called you to let you know the news. Regina is sobering up."

"What?" Mal asked over the collar of her shirt.

"She _was_ detoxing in her house on Long Island. There was a blonde woman there and, apparently, she took your little princess home."

"To her house?"

"No, darling, to her apartment."

"Wait. What?" Mal snapped, finally dressed.

"The blonde took Regina to her apartment in Brooklyn." Cruella finally clarified. Mal laughed.

"Oh really? And how, pray tell, do you know all of this?"

"Well, darling, I have my pups all over the city. They always know how to sniff out a good story. I can just see the headlines now: Billionaire Widow Kicks her Drug Habit While-"

"Don't be nasty, Cruella." Ma warned.

"Please, darling. You wound me. A girl's got to eat. Now, tell me, is there anything you would like me to do?"

"Do? About what? About Regina? Why? She's a big girl. I'm sure she knows what she's doing."

"As you say, darling." Cruella purred. Then, she hung up. Mal stared at the phone for a minute. Regina was getting clean? Why? She walked through the house to find her cigarettes and when she found one, she lit it and took a long drag. The smoke poured from her mouth and nose. If Regina was cleaning herself up then…this wasn't going to work anymore. That sort of hurt Mal, just a little bit. She thought back on all of their times together, both the good and the bad. Then there was this blonde. _That_ really did hurt Mal. She found herself clenching her fist. She wasn't one to be discarded or replaced. She grabbed her phone and dialed a number.

"Hello?"

"Hello Mal. To what do I owe the pleasure?" Cora asked, her tone clipped, but attempting cheeriness.

"You sound stressed."

"Well, if you must know. Regina's skipped out on her responsibilities. I've been picking up a lot of slack."

"It must be hard getting everything you want all the time."

"What do you want?" Cora snapped. Mal considered her options.

"Nothing. I just wanted to call and tell you how much I look forward to seeing you at the wedding. Regina and I won't wear white, of course, but you know she still screams like a virg-" Mal was cut off by the end to the call. She smirked. As angry as she was, she wasn't going to rat Regina out to Cora. The old witch probably knew what was going on anyway, but Mal wasn't going to enlighten her either way. The old dragon sighed sharply, but not as sharply as Cora.

"Really now." She whispered, trying to calm her nerves. Regina had been gone for days, making a big drama about stopping her drug intake. What a child. She had been to see Henry twice now, and it seemed the boy was just as dramatic as her daughter. These kids needed to sharpen up. They needed to straighten up and fly right. What was the use in so much blubbering and whining? And Mary Margaret was even worse. She was entirely obsessed with this idea that Regina was doing the right thing. Regina was wasting a ton of time and money. That's what she was _really_ doing.

But was it? Was it really? Well, at the moment, Regina was enjoying the feeling of Emma's tongue. Her hands were grasping at the air, sometimes the couch. One hand flew to Emma's hair and took root.

"Easy there." Emma breathed into Regina's sex. Regina could barely hear her. She was far too wrapped up in the bursts of pleasure that were rolling through her. It almost made her forget about the rest of her fucked up life. Such was the joy of fucking. She was so close. So, so close and then wow. Streaks of light crossed Regina's eyes and she released a long exhale. Emma chuckled and crawled up to her face to give her a kiss. Regina wondered, for a moment, where her clothes had gone, but it didn't matter. Right now there was only this pleasure, this sweet relaxation. This was the best she had felt in days. Then, it began to fade. She felt the steely pangs of reality sneaking their way back into her consciousness. Emma tried to bring her into a snuggly embrace, but she stopped her.

"I'm going to go smoke a cigarette." Regina said quietly.

"Uh. Ok."

"I'll be back in a minute." Regina assured her. Then, she rose and dressed quickly and silently. She grabbed her cigarettes and opened the front door.

"Regina, are you ok?"

"Yeah." She said, then she left. Emma sighed on the couch, but rolled over to look for her clothes. She dressed and wondered what the other woman was doing. Did she suddenly regret this? Was this a bad idea? Was Regina angry? Who could honestly tell? Emma pressed her fingers into her temples. At least Regina had been good. Lots of married women weren't, but then again there was Mal. The thought made Emma pause. Mal. Emma hadn't even considered her. She had forgotten about her completely. So…this was just a sex thing, right? Ok. That was fine. Emma scowled and headed off to the shower.

Outside, Regina was puffing hard on her cigarette, trying desperately to clear her head. What was she _doing_!? Was she losing her mind? Fucking Henry's birthmother after a week of detoxing? Really, Regina!? Even when she was getting her life together she was still such a mess. Anxiety rose in her chest. Maybe there was no escaping this. Maybe she was doomed to always be a mess. She would never be a good mother to Henry. She would never be stable. She would die alone and chaotic and-

"Regina, are you ok?" James asked suddenly. Regina's head was spinning and her breath was shallow. Sweat dripped down her face and she was shaking. She couldn't speak. She couldn't breathe.

"Hey, hey. It's ok. Are you ok?" James asked again. He approached her gently and placed a hand on her shoulder. She jumped, noticing him for the first time.

"Regina. It's James. Just take a deep breath for me." He urged gently. She tried, but found herself struggling with the simple task.

"I can't- I can't breathe." She sputtered. He took a deep breath and then another. She tried to mimic him and after a moment, she was able to do the same. Her heart rate slowed a little bit.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. Tears sprung to her eyes.

"It's alright. Come here." He offered. She looked at him and then reluctantly allowed him to embrace her. Sobs came now. He soothed her with soft noises and eventually she settled down.

"I don't know what came over me. I'm sorry." She said. James smiled.

"Totally fine. You were just having a panic attack. Killian used to have them all the time."

"Oh."

"So, do you want to go upstairs? Maybe get some water?" He asked gently. She stepped back and nodded. Together they headed up the stairs. When they entered the apartment, Emma was still in the shower, so Regina placed herself on the couch to wait. Was this the part where they had a reasonable conversation about their feelings? Regina snorted despite her awful mood. Like that was going to happen. She fished her phone out of her pocket and saw a missed call from Mal.

"Um. Can I borrow you key? I need to make a call." She asked. James nodded and handed her a bottle of water and his key. She accepted it, averting her eyes from his face.

"You know, there's no need to feel embarrassed or anything. It happens." James assured her. She smiled as best she could and nodded. Then she headed outside to call Mal.

"Well, well, well. Look who it is." Mal purred.

"I'm sorry I didn't answer."

"It's not a big deal. Word on the street is that you're leaving your party days in the rearview."

"Yeah."

"Well, how are you doing?" Mal asked. Concern was clear in her voice.

"Better than expected. The first few days were absolute hell." Regina admitted. Mal laughed.

"I fucking bet."

"Mal…I-"

"Oh, don't start. It's fine. I know about the blonde you're hanging with now."

"Wait, Mal, it's not-"

"It doesn't matter." Mal whispered.

"Mal."

"Regina, I'm proud of you, you know." She said quietly. Tears pooled in both of their eyes. In all their time together, the older woman was never one for sentiment. She was never one to really show her emotions, but Regina was one of her weaknesses.

"Mal, please."

"I love you, your majesty, but you know I'm not going to stop…and I know that's not going to work. So, I don't know. Just hit me up sometime, will you? I've got a gig in New York in a couple of weeks. I'll keep it PG. You can bring Henry."

"Mal-" But the call ended and Regina was left to cry alone on the sidewalk. She wiped her eyes quickly and composed herself on her trip up the stairs. James took notice of the redness on her face, but knew better than to say anything. She took a seat at the kitchen table this time, suddenly unwilling to face the place where she and Emma- No. She couldn't think about that right now. Her heart hurt and her stomach hurt. Maybe this was why people didn't come back from darkness. Retribution was a painful road full of unexpected nightmares.

"So, are you feeling better?" James asked. Regina smiled weakly.

"It's been quite a day." She said.

"I see that. Do you want to watch a movie or something?" He asked. Regina shook her head.

"No, it's fine. You don't have to entertain me. I've got a lot to think about. So, I guess I'm just going to sit here and think." Regina said gently. Tears threatened to come back and she was powerless to stop them. Thankfully, James just sighed gently and walked into his room leaving Regina alone in the kitchen. She rested her head on the table and just sat. It was almost as if her life was rushing around her and she was just a leaf in the wind. She felt incredibly powerless and small, but she did feel like herself. Unfortunately, her mind and body were awful places to be…but they _were_ hers at long last.

"Hey." Emma said as she swept into the kitchen. Regina, startled, turned to look at her.

"Oh, hey."

"You good?"

"Oh, you know me. I'm fabulous." Regina said dryly.

"Ok."

"Are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Are you 'good,' as you put it?" Regina asked, a little fire returning to her. Emma rolled her eyes and managed a smile.

"Yeah. I'm good." Emma said. Regina looked at her for a moment and Emma looked back. The sincerity of her words struck Regina just so and tears welled up in her eyes again. The blonde rushed to her side.

"Hey, what's wrong? Do I need to get the trashcan or are you just crying for no reason?" Emma asked quickly. Regina chuckled through her tears.

"No, there's a reason this time." She said hoarsely. Emma took her into her arms and rested her chin on the brunette's head.

"This has been a weird week." She said. Regina agreed wholeheartedly, but for now, she just wanted to be embraced. A minute passed, then another, and the moment became stale. Regina pulled back and Emma moved away.

"So, do you want to tell me what happened?" Emma asked gently. She moved to the fridge to fix them both some juice.

"Not really, but I suppose I will tell you. Do you have apple?"

"Yeah." Emma confirmed. She brought the juice to the table and sat down.

"Well, I talked to Mal. She sort of decided that we end our little…thing. I don't know. I knew she wouldn't stop popping pills for me, but it still kind of hurts." Regina admitted. Emma sighed and bit her lip. What was she supposed to say here? She decided to say nothing.

"I have known her for a long time, but I suppose I shouldn't be that upset about this. We were just friends, in the end. We still are, I suppose. It was different with her…You make me feel very differently." Regina said. Emma managed a grin.

"Yeah?"

"Yes, actually. I almost don't want to go home because it means that I won't see you…" Regina whispered. Emma reached across the table and took the other woman's hand.

"You will." She insisted, "I don't really know what's going on, but I like you, Regina. I want to keep seeing you even if you go home. Honestly, you make me want to do stupid romantic stuff and I hate that…but I can't help it." Emma said, laughing gently. Regina smiled and leaned in for a soft kiss. Their hearts beat quickly in their chests. Whatever this was, they needed it. A swift knock at the door broke them apart. James quickly appeared to answer it.

"Killian!" He said, throwing open the door. A dashing man walked into the apartment in full navy regalia. He kissed James once on the cheek and again on the lips. Emma rose and walked over to him, kissing his cheek and pulling him into a hug.

"I thought you weren't coming back for a while!" Emma said. The former pirate grinned.

"I managed some time off, to see my prince charming." Killian said. Emma gestured to the kitchen where Regina sat quietly drinking her apple juice.

"Killian, this is Regina." She said warmly. Killian looked at Regina and his smile faded instantly. Regina looked at Killian and her eyes widened.

"You!" They both exclaimed. Regina jumped to her feet, her eyes narrow, and her nostrils flared. Killian balled his one hand into a fist. Emma and James exchanged a quick look of confusion and horror.

"Do you guys know each other?" James asked, trying to maintain the peace, but doing it poorly. Killian pointed at the former Evil monarch with his prosthetic hand.

"What the fuck is she doing here!?" Killian exclaimed.

"Me? What the fuck are you doing here, pirate!?" Regina shouted back. Emma and James rushed to their respective partners in case a fight was about to break out.

"Pirate!? How dare you! I am a captain now, you stupid slut!"

"Hey!" James shouted, but neither the pirate nor the queen were listening.

"Captain of what? The fucking-"

"Regina! Chill out!" Emma snapped. Regina paused, but the snarl on her face did not diminish in any way.

"Frigid bitch!" Killian shouted.

"Gimpy bastard!" Regina fired back.

"OK! Ok. We get it. You know each other. Jesus." Emma said. Regina and Killian were still furiously glaring one another down.

"Killian. Why don't I help you unpack? Come on." James urged. The former pirate nodded and allowed himself to be led deeper into the apartment, muttering nasty things under his breath. Once he was gone, Emma took Regina by the shoulders.

"Would you like to explain or what?" She said. Regina huffed and took her seat once more at the table. She sipped her juice, her feathers thoroughly ruffled.

"I don't really want to tell you."

"Well, fine, but you can't keep screaming at him. He's James' boyfriend and-"

"Fine. I will tell you, but you have to understand that this was a long time ago."

"Ok." Emma said, taking her seat. Regina fiddled with her fingers and sighed a very long sigh.

"When I met him he never gave his first name. It was just 'Mr. Jones.' I hired him to…Well, I know this is going to make me sound like a monster, but I hired him to kill my mother." Regina said quietly. Emma's eyebrows shot up, but she didn't say anything.

"He was a gun for hire back then and I wanted him to sink my mother's private ship with her on it. He claimed the job was done, but he had betrayed me. I never found him after that." Regina explained. The anger was clear in her voice.

"Wow, Regina. That's pretty fucked up."

"I am well aware of that, Miss Swan." Regina whispered. She wiped little tears out of her eyes.

"It sounds like you've lived a very colorful life."

"Rethinking your kisses?"

"No, not yet. We've all done things we wish we hadn't. You do regret that, right?"

"Fuck you. Of course I do. I hate my mother, but I'm glad her blood isn't on my hands." Regina spat. Emma tried to smile.

"Well, for now, that's what matters." Emma said, leaning in for a kiss. Regina regarded her for a moment, but accepted the kiss. She silently hoped they never spoke about Leopold, because that was one choice she didn't regret.


	14. Chapter 14: Ultraviolence

**Thanks for all the love. I really feel like "Old Money" was so perfect for Mal and Regina's story and it is still killing me.**

 **The fact that keeps going down is also killing me.**

 **Also: James is Charming. Apparently that wasn't entirely clear. CaptainCharming is one of my favorite low-key ships, so I had to include it.**

 **This is going to be a rough flashback to start the chapter, so brace yourselves. There's a bit of Spanish in their conversation, but I included a translation in parentheses. I hope that doesn't ruin the flow. Lana is puertorican (as am I), so I have the headcanon that Regina is as well.**

 **Xoxo Q.M.**

Chapter Fourteen: Ultraviolence

With enough pills in her system, Regina knew she could do anything. It was almost as if she lived in a dream of her own weaving. She had cursed the rest of the world to never truly know what she was thinking or feeling. She was a living lie. These people did not deserve her true self, nor did they deserve her kindness. She remembered the day when she made the decision. She was visiting her father for the last time.

 _"Mija." Henry whispered. Regina sat next to his hospital bed, clutching his hand._

 _(My daughter.)_

 _"I'm here, daddy. I'm here." She whispered back. He smiled gently, but a fresh wave of pain washed over him and he winced. Regina wiped her eyes, but she knew this was it._

 _"Te amo, mija linda." He said, with great pain. She kissed his hand over and over again, wishing that this wasn't her life._

 _(I love you, my beautiful daughter.)_

 _"It's ok, daddy. I'm here. You're going to be ok." She insisted. He chuckled weakly._

 _"No, mija. I have to go. Pero, te amo."_

 _(But I love you.)_

 _"No me dejes, por favor. Te necesito. Te amo." Regina whispered._

 _(Please don't leave me. I need you. I love you.)_

 _"Dile que me despedi."_

 _(Tell her I said goodbye.)_

 _"Daddy, no."_

 _"Mira-"_

 _The heart monitor flat lined, and all the breath left her body. No doctors came. No nurses. This was expected and Henry Sr. was not meant to be resuscitated. He never finished his sentence...The long beep played loudly in Regina's head all the way home to New York even through the Percs and Xanax she took on the plane. When she finally arrived at her apartment, Leopold was waiting for her. The sound of the heart monitor was blaring in her ears and when he held her close to comfort her, she found herself pushing him away._

 _"What's wrong, Regina?" He asked, genuinely confused. Her body was so full of poison, but she could still feel the pain of her father leaving her forever._

 _"Everything." She snarled. Everything was wrong. Her father was dead and she so deeply wished it was Leopold in the ground instead. She looked at his wrinkles, the white in his hair, and her face screwed up in revulsion because it almost reminded her of her father. He reached for her again, but she smacked his hand away._

 _"Please, Regina. Let me help." Leopold urged. The flat line of the heart monitor screamed in her ears. It almost made her want to see her mother. Almost. Finally, he grabbed her and pulled her into an embrace, anything to calm her._

 _"I know losing a parent can be hard." He said gently, lovingly even. Regina's whole body tensed in his arms. She wanted to scream and scream and kill him. She wanted so sharply to kill him. Watch his body fall to the ground and bleed out while she watched and laughed. Her breath came in bursts. Was she crying? It was hard to tell._

 _"Dad?" Came a tiny voice, piercing through Regina's thoughts in the darkness. Snow stood in the hallway, watching her struggle against Leopold's hold._

 _"What's wrong, Snow?" He asked, keeping hold of Regina. In his mind, his wife still needed to be comforted._

 _"I heard the front door." She said quietly, rubbing her eyes._

 _"Regina just got home from her trip." Leopold explained warmly. He hadn't explained Regina's absence. He thought it would be too painful for the girl._

 _"Welcome home!" Mary Margaret said. She walked over and joined in their hug. Regina was suffocating. She thought she was going to really scream now. Maybe she would pass out. The drugs coursed through her skin and she gathered her strength, but it was overcome quickly by her poisonous rage._

 _"Get off me! Get the fuck off me!" She shrieked. Both Leopold and Mary Margaret stared at her, one with anger in their eyes and the other with fear._

 _"Regina." Leopold said, his tone dangerous and commanding. Regina's eyes filled with terror._

 _"Regina, what's wrong?" Mary Margaret whimpered._

 _"Everything." Regina insisted. Robbed of her usually sharp mind, it was all she could say._

 _"Darling, please go to bed." Leopold said to his daughter. She would have protested, but tonight she did not. Then the unhappily married couple were alone._

 _"Regina, I will not tolerate this language around my daughter. I know you've had a hard day-"_

 _"No! You don't! I've lost my family!" She screamed, no longer caring if the child heard them fight._

 _"We're your family." Leopold said, almost hurt._

 _"No you're not! You're not my family! You're my warden!" Regina shouted. Now, this_ _ **did**_ _hurt Leopold. Had he not always tried to make her happy? Who had paid for her to go stay with her father? Who had paid for his medical care? He looked at her and suddenly, he realized what was going on._

 _"Are you high?" He hissed. His wife's face scrunched with rage._

 _"How dare you! I will not speak to you while you're like this." He said, keeping his voice low._

 _"Fuck you!" She snarled. He slapped her. This stopped Regina for a moment. She was shocked and the taste of metal spread through her mouth. She held a hand up to her lip and realized it was split. She laughed, hollow and cruel. It wasn't like she could feel it anyway._

 _"Hit me again." She said darkly. Repulsed, Leopold clenched his fist, but did not strike her._

 _"Look what you made me do. Regina, I am going to ask that you sleep in the guest room tonight. Hopefully, by morning you will have collected yourself and we won't have to talk about this again."_

And they didn't, but Regina often remembered that night. Through the drugs and the years she always remembered. When she arrived at her apartment with Emma in tow, she found herself lingering in the hall outside the elevator.

"Hey, are you ok?" Emma asked. Regina exhaled sharply and nodded. Then, she walked up to the door of her apartment and knocked politely. Mary Margaret opened the door, a huge smile plastered across her face.

"You're home." She said warmly, moving aside so the pair could enter. Regina walked into her apartment. She had changed a great deal since Leopold's death. It almost made her feel comfortable. Perhaps she should have sold it, but her thoughts were interrupted by Henry. There he was, standing in the living room mute from emotion. She looked at him and swallowed. Tears came to her eyes and she began to walk closer to him, hesitantly. He let her take a few steps before quickly closing the gap and embracing her. God, he was getting so big.

"I've missed you, Henry." She whispered, her voice thick with the tears she was failing to conceal.

"I've missed you too." He said. Emma and Snow watched quietly from the door until the hug ended.

"Well, I've made salmon. Henry, will you please set the table?" Mary Margaret asked. He nodded and raced off to do so. Emma sighed.

"I guess I should be going." She said, not really knowing what to do.

"Oh, nonsense. Stay. I've made enough food and I need to write you your check." Snow said.

"Is that alright, Regina?" Emma asked. Regina wiped her eyes and nodded.

"Yes. Now, I need to go change into something that belongs to me and isn't made of cheap cotton." She said, her regal demeanor almost returning. Maybe it would be back by the time she changed.

"Hey! I got that shirt at Target!" Emma called after her.

"So, how was her majesty? I hope she didn't give you too much trouble." Snow said, leading Emma into the dining room. The blonde chuckled. Clearly this chick had never seen someone detox before.

"No, she was a real trooper."

"That's good…and she's clean now?"

"As a whistle. All of her stashes were cleaned out, right?"

"Every one. Her personal body guards said they knew about all of them."

"Good…Regina's really something, you know?" Emma said. Snow regarded the blonde for a moment, but agreed.

"She is. She's had a rough go of it."

"She really has…but she's tough as nails."

"I am also intelligent, beautiful, and some would even say magnificent." Regina said, sweeping into the room. She was dressed once more in her familiar clothes. This was a particularly favored red dress with an Alexander McQueen jacket thrown on top. How she had pulled herself together into this vision so quickly, Emma would never truly know.

"There she is." Snow said. It was nice to have the older woman back, and she hoped it would be for good this time. She hoped that Regina would be happier this time. She had so much hope for their future. Maybe they could be a family this time.

"Ok. I've got cups and stuff." Henry said, his arms full of Tiffany's glass. Regina rose gracefully and helped him place the glassware onto the table.

"Why don't you go grab some ice? I will help you get the plates." Regina offered. Emma held up a hand.

"No, that's ok. I can do it. I don't like sitting here watching other people do stuff for me. Besides, this is your special dinner."

"Thank you, dear." Regina said, surprisingly touched. She settled into a seat at the table. Snow reached out and took her hand.

"It's nice to have you back." She said. Regina exhaled slowly.

"It's nice to be back."

"I know that you've had a very hard week, but I want you to know how proud I am of you." Mary Margaret said. Tears were just beneath the surface of their exchange.

"I did what I needed to. For Henry."

"Of course."

"Have you heard from my mother?" Regina asked suddenly. Snow sighed and nodded.

"Oh yes. Cora came by a few times to see how things were going."

"I'm so sorry I wasn't here to-"

"No, Regina, please. It's fine. She behaved for the most part. If anything, she was a little more tame than usual. It was odd." Snow said, recalling the visits.

"Odd? How so?"

"She almost seemed as if she was sort of lost. At one point, she asked for the time and seemed surprised when I gave her the answer. It was unlike her."

"That's strange, but I suppose she isn't as young as she used to be. It's about time the old bat went senile." Regina said with a chuckle. She laughed, of course, to hide her concern. Cora was many things, but even if she was confused, she would never let on about it. Before Regina could grow truly concerned, Emma and Henry returned with plates and filled glasses. Regina watched anxiously as they balanced crystal glasses and plates, but nothing was broken in the end.

"This is wonderful, Mary Margaret. Thank you." Regina said, taking another bite of the salmon. Snow grinned and pretended to bow. Henry was in surprisingly good spirits considering the terms of Regina's departure. Emma, on the other hand, seemed uncomfortable and out of place. She had grown up in foster care and she considered her Brooklyn apartment pretty upscale but this? This was a whole other level of money. She was drinking from a glass that she actually knew the brand of. They were drinking Fiji water instead of tap. She was pretty sure the flatware was actually silver. Emma glanced over at Regina and found her to be more beautiful than she had ever seen her. She was so calm, so collected, and so different than the woman who had shaken and screamed in Long Island. Regina sipped water from a crystal glass like it was perfectly formed for her lips. Emma felt her mouth go a little dry, so she reached for her own glass. It slipped out of her fingers and water spilled all over the table.

"Sorry!" She yelped. Regina smiled.

"It's fine, dear. Let me go get some paper towels." Regina said, rising. She returned with them and cleaned the spill. Everyone was relatively quiet through this, consumed with watching the regal woman. Henry watched to see if she had changed. Snow watched to see the woman she once knew. Emma watched to see this gorgeous vision be so "above it all" and yet so domestic simultaneously. How was Regina even possible?

"There. All better." Regina said, smiling.

"Thanks." Emma muttered. Was she blushing? She really, really hoped not. Not in front of the kid.

"So, Emma, what do you do for a living?" Mary Margaret asked once Regina had taken her seat.

"I am a bailbonds person."

"Oh. That sounds interesting." Snow said. She had no idea what that meant exactly, but didn't want to seem ignorant, so she didn't ask.

"It pays the bills." Emma said quietly. She felt _so_ out of place. Her line of work only served to continue that separation. She felt so blue collar.

"Well, it sounds a lot more interesting than sitting at a desk all day. You probably don't even have to go to the gym." Regina said. Emma half-smiled.

"So, what do you do, Mary Margaret?"

"Oh. I am studying to become a teacher."

"Wow. That's cool."

"Yeah."

A silence fell over the table until they finished eating. Mary. Margaret thought to open a bottle of wine, but figured they probably shouldn't. Temptation would be cruel. Instead, Snow opted to help Henry with the dishes. Regina said she wouldn't mind handling the check.

"So, she promised you a million, right?" Regina said, fishing her checkbook out of her home office's desk.

"Yeah…but you know, I-"

"Please. You helped me in a big way, Miss Swan. Think of it as a gift." Regina said. She wrote the check and handed it over.

"I'm back to Miss Swan now? Oh man. I knew you were mad about me spilling that water." Emma flirted. Regina bit her lip and smirked.

"Thank you, Emma." She said. The words melted the blonde woman's heart and it took everything inside of her not to lean over the desk and kiss her.

"Did you mean what you said?" Regina asked.

"About what?"

"About wanting to keep seeing me?" The once regal woman looked so small asking that question. She was afraid of the answer, but she had to know. Emma sighed and closed the gap between them.

"I mean, this is a lot. I don't know." Emma heard herself say. Her body language and her words created a paradox between them, cold and hard. Regina swallowed slowly. Emma took the check off of the desk and looked at it, finally moving away.

"So that's it? You just wanted your money." Regina said, growing angry.

"No, Regina, it's not like that-"

"No? How dare you lie to my face." Regina snarled. Emma dropped the check on the desk and tried to embrace the other woman, but Regina wasn't having it.

"Perhaps it would be better if you just left."

"Regina, don't-"

"Don't order me around in my own home."

"Regina! Come on. This _is_ a lot and you know it. What if I'm not ready for all of this?"

"Not ready for what, exactly? You were certainly ready to spread your legs for-"

"What if I'm not ready to have a kid!?" Emma shouted. The anger in the brunette's heart faltered. Tears welled up in the blonde's eyes and she tried to hide her face.

"I gave him up, Regina. I can't just swoop back into his life and expect him to forgive me!" Emma said, quieter now. The other woman gently approached her and drew her into a warm embrace. They were both so tired.

"Emma, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…I should have realized."

"Yeah, you should have." Emma snapped, half joking. They stood wrapped up into each other for a few moments, then Regina pulled back.

"Why don't you go home? Take a break from all this. I'm not good at healthy pacing or boundaries or whatever. Why don't we talk soon?"

"Yeah." Emma said quietly. She kissed Regina's cheek, took her check, and allowed herself to be walked to the door. Snow and Henry sat in the living room with odd expressions on their faces.

"Emma's going to go home now." Regina announced. Henry nodded and rose to say goodbye. When Emma extended her hand for a handshake, Henry lunged toward her in a strong hug. He held her tightly and for longer than a moment. When he let go, he smiled.

"Bye Emma."

"Bye kid." Emma said, her voice cracking just a little. She made for the door rather quickly after that. Once she was gone, Regina exhaled a very long sigh. She was finally home, but this time was different. She had no armor anymore. She turned to the two expectant faces that scorched into her back. She felt naked now that Emma was gone. No one knew what to say exactly. Here she was; the mother and monster. She was home and now they were expected to carry on as normal, right? It was impossible to say. There were no rules for where they were now.

"So, how was Long Island?" Mary Margaret asked.

"It's lovely this time of year." Regina said quietly. Her skin itched.

"Oh, yes." Snow said. Silence returned. Henry fidgeted on the couch.

"So, you're better now? You're not going to do drugs anymore?" He asked suddenly. Regina tilted her head to the side, flooded with emotion. She had hurt this boy, this wonderful and amazing boy so much…All of her rages and revenges had seemed to important, but they had caught her son in the collateral damage.

"Yes." She said quietly, "I'm never going to do any of that again."

"I really did miss you." Henry whispered, tears springing to his eyes. Regina walked toward him, cautiously at first. Snow nodded encouragement to her and she sat down on the couch beside her son.

"I missed you too." She whispered. Then, she wrapped her arms around him and kissed his head. Emma's home coming was not so sentimental. She walked through the door and both James and Killian were nowhere to be seen. The door to their bedroom was closed though, so she smirked and paced in the kitchen. The smirk faded when she thought about her earlier conversations. A son. Her son. Ok, Regina's son…but…Fuck! This was too much. Maybe she could move to Boston, start up some new work. She's find clients and she would never have to see the socialite and her fucked up family ever again…but the thought of Regina lying alone in her bed made her sorry she even considered leaving. For better or worse, she wanted to sleep beside the powerful mess of a woman. Regina was a paradox wrapped in a nightmare, wrapped in a day dream, wrapped in a few more nightmares…Emma slammed her hands on the kitchen counter. She had a good gig going here. Why ruin it with the ball and chain of a child and his beautiful, but highly problematic mother? Emma knew the answer. She knew it and she hated it and she tried to fight it, but she knew. This enigma, this Regina, she had accidentally gotten under Emma's skin in a way that no other woman had.

"You alright there, love?" Killian asked, startling Emma from her stormy thoughts.

"Yeah. Where's James?"

"He's napping. He's always out like a light after a good shag." The former pirate said with a chuckle. Emma rolled her eyes.

"Nice." She said.

"You look like something's eating you."

"You're not wrong."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"That depends, are you going to flip out and call her a crazy slut again?" Emma asked. Killian sighed and took a seat at the kitchen table.

"Ah, so it's Regina. Man, you two really know how to pick 'em." He said.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that both you and my beloved seem to have chosen the darkest hearts on the market." He said. He smiled at her, but fiddled with his prosthetic hand.

"You know, when I met James I was living the high life in Puerto Rico. I had a hook back then…I was neck deep in some pretty shady shit. I'm sure Regina told you how she knew me. She didn't lie, Swan."

"Yeah, she said you were a gun for hire."

"Yes. I was and then some…but I got tired of it. I had more money than I ever needed, but I was miserable. Then James struck up conversation with me at the bar."

 _"You look like you need a drink." James said, smirking. Killian sighed into his rum._

 _"Oh, I've had a few." He muttered._

 _"Are you here by yourself?"_

 _"Isn't that obvious?" Killian snapped. James sighed._

 _"Easy there. I was just making conversation."_

 _"Well, shove off, mate. I'm not in the mood." The pirate said, sadness clear in his voice._

 _"Was it a woman?" James asked gently. Killian just laughed._

 _"You know, you could say that. I just…I think I took a look into my future and I'm suddenly at a loss of what to do."_

 _"Sounds heavy, man."_

 _"Yeah. It is,_ _ **man**_ _. So, will you please go away?"_

 _"Do you really want me to?" James asked. Killian turned at looked at this strange and very nosy man who was interrupting his nightly sulk and found himself suddenly feeling the icy sting of loneliness._

 _"Fine. Stay if you must." Hook said quietly. James smiled._

 _"So, what's the future look like?"_

 _"Now who's heavy?"_

 _"Talking helps." The charming blonde said. Hook found himself smiling a bit._

 _"It used to look like heaven. No one to worry about you, or drag you down…Lots of money. But now? Now it just looks sort of empty. I had a client send me out on a job. No I'm not going to tell you what I do for a living. Anyway, this client, she was just so, I don't know. She was heartless and insatiable and so, so sad. It was so vividly apparent to me and I only met her once."_

 _"And you think she is your future?"_

 _"She was consumed by revenge and that reminded me of myself." Killian said quietly. He tapped the side of his glass with his good hand._

 _"So, why don't you let it go? Why not give up on your revenge?" James asked suddenly. As if it was so simple. He said it as though giving up on revenge was just a switch you flipped in your mind._

 _"Because the man who took my sister from me is still out there." Hook snarled. James sighed and looked at his watch._

 _"Then I guess you have a lot to look forward to." He said. He hopped off the barstool and fished a cocktail napkin out of his pocket._

 _"Here." He said, placing the napkin on the table, "If you change your mind."_

Emma shook her head and laughed.

"Seriously? That's so lame." She said.

"It wasn't. I found it rather charming, actually."

"So, when did you call him?" Emma asked.

"I called him a few days later, actually, but that's not entirely the point of my story. My point is that Regina used to be a very different, very awful person. She's not that person anymore, it seems…and I'm _not_ saying that you should fix her or that you're her savior or anything like that. I'm just saying that people _do_ change, when they choose to. People change and if Regina really wants to, she might be ready for a happy ending." Killian explained. Emma shot him an incredulous look.

"Yeah. I'm not really worried about that part."

"Oh."

"She has a son, man." Emma admitted, sinking her head onto the table.

" _Oh."_

"Yeah, and not just any son. He's the same kid I gave up when I was 16."

"Wow."

"Yeah. Exactly. Wow."

"I thought you liked kids." He pointed out.

"I do. I love kids…I just- I like kids and I like Regina. I like all of it. It's just a lot." Emma said finally. Killian nodded.

"That it is, mate." He said smiling, "And when you finally let yourself have it; it's going to be amazing. Do you really like her?"

"I do. She went through a lot while she detoxed. I'm sure James told you the whole story."

"He did."

"Anyway, she went through so much and she was in so much pain, but she like, she pushed through. She was so beautiful and powerful. She's been through some shit, but she pulled herself out of it and it was really wild to watch." Emma said.

"Her mother is certainly something."

"Right? She was totally psycho."

"You met Cora? Wow. Things really are moving along, aren't they?" The former pirate said, laughing.

"Not like that. She sort of barged in during the detox and, man, it was intense."

"Cora's a tough pill to swallow for sure." Killian said. There was clearly something more to the statement, but he chose not to elaborate and Emma didn't ask.


	15. Chapter 15: The Other Woman

**This is it, my dears. The end at last. I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I did. The sequel will be coming soon. Be sure to check it out! It's going to be a lot fluffier. There are going to be a lot of flashbacks in this chapter, many of them about Cora. So, get ready for some child abuse! Besos.**

 **Xoxo. Q. M.**

Chapter Fifteen: The Other Woman

This was the day that Regina was finally going to resume her duties as CEO of her company and she was going to greet the day with unabashed confidence. She donned her long black slacks, the ones with the suspenders, and a crisp, white button-up. Regina selected Louboutin booties, the ones with the little spikes on the toe. Satisfied, she allowed herself a small moment of victory. When all else was stripped away, she had her clothes; her wonderful, gorgeous clothes. A smile played at her lips. Yes. She could do this.

"Claude, do get the car ready," she calls on her way out of her room. He smiled to himself and nodded.

"It is good to have you back, Regina." Rivers said, smiling wide.

"And it is good to be back. Thank you both. Oh, by the way, I got you another tin of altoids." She said, offering the mints she fished out of her purse. They were accepted with a deep sense of gratitude. It really was nice to have the Queen back in action. Snow and Henry were still getting ready for their respective school days. Now that Regina wasn't spending her days in hazy rages, Mary Margaret was able to take more classes, and she was doing so with glee.

"Good morning, dears." Regina said, sweeping into the kitchen. She was smiling and this time it wasn't a drug induced smile. It was a real smile. How about that.

"Good morning, Regina."

"Morning, mom."

Ah, there it was; the reason Regina could smile so wide. She was back to being "mom." All those chills and sweats and vomit spells were suddenly more than worth it.

"Ready for school, my dear?" Regina asked. Henry nodded and munched on a granola bar. Snow was eating a more thorough breakfast at the table, but she didn't have to leave for another hour or two.

"Are you going straight to work?" Mary Margaret asked. Regina nodded.

"Most likely. I need to pry the crown from my mother before she gets too attached." The older woman said, pursing her lips. Snow nodded, but looked like she had something to say.

"What?" Regina asked.

"Nothing." Mary Margaret said. Henry fidgeted by the door. They were going to be late.

"Fine, but I know you're lying." Regina said quickly as she checked her phone. She and her son walked out of the apartment hand in hand. Regina was smiling with a fresh level of joy. Everything seemed to be working out perfectly.

"Mom?"

"Yes, dear?"

"Is something wrong with Grandma?"

"Why would you think that?" Regina said, suddenly a little more worried.

"She just seemed weird when I saw her." He said. They made their way outside and climbed into the car. The urge to smoke a cigarette was strong, but she decided to wait until Henry got out of the car. Regina didn't say anything for a moment because, truth be told, she didn't know the answer to his question.

"Don't worry about her, Henry. If there is something wrong, then I'll handle it. You just worry about school." She said finally. He nodded, but seemed troubled.

"Is Emma ever coming back?" He asked quietly. They hadn't seen the blonde for a week.

"That's up to her, honey." She said gently. Did she want Emma to come back? Of course she did. She knew that she couldn't force her though. Regina knew that Emma would return in one way or another, but she knew that the other woman couldn't be rushed. They rode to Henry's school in relative silence after that. When they arrived, Regina leaned over and hugged her son. He hugged her back, then gave her a peck on the cheek before slipping out of the car. A girl walked up to Henry quickly once he was on the sidewalk. She batted her eyelashes and Regina watched as Henry took her hand. A gasp popped out of Regina's mouth, but her driver pulled into traffic before she could process the scene.

"To the office, ma'am?"

"Yes." Regina said offhandedly. She leaned against the window. Henry was into girls was he? Wow. She chuckled. Puppy love was a funny thing. She certainly had her share of it. She flexed her hand, trying to remember what it had felt like to hold Daniel's. She thought of Mal too.

 _"Tell me, Regina. Are you a bad girl?" Mal asked, clicking her tongue. Regina was laid out on her bed, her eyes full of lust and delight. Leopold and Mary Margaret were in Italy for the weekend._

 _"Only for you." The younger woman purred. Mal threw her head back and laughed._

 _"I would fucking hope so." The blonde said, puffing on her joint. She descended on Regina, blowing smoke all the way. Deft fingers undid the buttons on the young queen's blouse, pausing to palm a breast, and then returning to their work. It was almost gentle, almost loving. When the shirt was off and the bra was discarded, Mal straddled the brunette's hips to admire her work. Regina's heart fluttered and her blood pumped faster. The joint was placed between her lips and she dragged on it. If Regina closed her eyes, she could feel something akin to happiness welling up inside of her. She had everything she could ever want right here._

 _"Mal?"_

 _"What?"_

 _"I love this." Regina said, squirming beneath her lover._

 _"I love the way you kiss me and hold me," Regina sat up with Mal still straddling her and wrapped her arms around the older woman's neck, "and fuck me."_

 _"Oh yeah?" Mal whispered, her voice husky with desire. Her bright blue eyes glittered, and if Regina believed in god, she would know what heaven looked like. She placed her lips onto Regina's gently, barely touching them._

 _"Yeah." Regina whispered back. Mal ran her fingers down the younger woman's back, making her shiver. Perky breasts pressed into Mal's chest and she hummed, pleased. This girl, and she was a girl of 22, was so beautiful and yet, so deliciously dark. Mal ground her hips into Regina's almost playfully._

 _"Don't tease." Regina hissed, but this worked against her. Mal grabbed her hands and held them high above her head. Regina struggled, but she was no match._

 _"You're such a brat." Mal said, "I'll tease you if I want."_

 _"Oh yeah?" The younger woman said, defiant._

 _"Yeah." Mal confirmed. She placed a kiss on her little lover's cheek, then a hungrier one on her jaw. The kisses moved down and the hands were released. Regina bucked her hips, trying to gain control, but it only made Mal laugh. The younger woman fell back against her pillow, pouting._

 _"See? You're a total brat." Mal purred._

 _"You love it." Regina said. Mal slid down the other woman's legs, grateful that the pants had been lost earlier. She placed a finger on the silk of her lover's underwear and grinned. Regina squirmed, desperate for more contact._

 _"Stay still." Mal ordered and she was promptly obeyed. The older woman traced slow, feather-soft lines through the silk until she found the spot that so desperately wanted to be found. A tiny gasp fluttered out of Regina's mouth, but she remained obediently still. The long fingers moved this way and that, but never quite where Regina wanted them to. She whimpered gently. This was all she loved, but as empty as it was, it was enough for now._

Their tryst was never more than that, a tryst, but she found herself content to think about their past. She made a mental note to make it to Mal's next gig. She made an even more pressing note to not bring Emma, but Henry could come. Regina shifted in her seat. She fished a compact out of her purse and went about fixing her make-up more out of habit than actual need. She was nervous to see Cora. If something really was wrong with her mother then she was right to be nervous. Even after all the hell they had been through…she was still her mother.

 _"Regina, dear, you need to listen to me. I know you wanted a birthday party, but we just can't do it right now." Cora said, a little sad and a little stern._

 _"But why, mommy?" Regina asked. She wore a little blue dress. The one she had gotten for her eighth birthday last year._

 _"Your father lost his job, but don't worry. We're going to fix this. For now, though, we can't have a party." Cora said coldly. Regina pouted._

 _"But mommy I-"_

 _"Enough, Regina!" Cora snapped. The child's lip quivered and tears began to form._

 _"You dry it up, right now." She commanded. Regina's face twisted with rage, but she held back her tears._

 _"I hate you!" She shouted. Cora slapped her hard across the face._

 _"How dare you talk to me like that." She snarled. Regina glared her down furiously, but the tears came out in full force._

 _"You had better stop before I give you something to cry about." Cora warned._

 _"I_ _ **have**_ _something to cry about. Why else would I be crying!?" Regina blubbered. Quick as a whip, Cora grabbed her daughter's wrist and dragged her through the house. Henry, who had been sitting in the living room in his chair, got up and tried to stop the scene from unfolding further._

 _"Cora."_

 _"You don't get to speak. You don't get to do anything. One of us has to be a parent to this child!" Cora hissed. Regina squirmed and cried, but her mother's grip only tightened._

 _"She's only a child."_

 _"A child with no respect!" Cora spat. She pushed past her useless husband and dragged Regina to the basement door. Cora inhaled sharply, the cocaine still dripping down her throat. If this child wanted to cry then she could, but she needed to learn how to control her emotions. Cora lifted her child and carried her down the stairs. Regina kicked and screamed, thrashing about. She swung her head as hard as she could and it slammed against the wall._

 _"Regina! Stop it!" Cora shouted. A bump was forming on the little girl's head, but she wasn't ready to stop yet. Cora practically threw her onto the floor of the unfinished basement. Regina was on her feet in a flash, her eyes flaring with anger. They stared at one another. Cora had to stop this. She had to quell this little rebellion before the girl was old enough to really do any damage._

 _"Regina, I don't want to do this, but you have left me little choice." Cora said, her voice even and cold. She walked over to the laundry and looked through it until she found what she was looking for. Cora pulled a belt out of Henry's pants. The fool never took them out when he put his laundry downstairs for her to wash. She snapped the belt. Regina's fury faltered and she took a step back._

 _"Mommy. No." She whispered, "I'll be good."_

 _"It's too late for that now." Cora said. She rounded on Regina and grabbed her by the back of her neck. Regina tensed, but the grip was like a vice. Cora cracked the belt across Regina's back. The child screamed._

 _"Regina, if you accept your punishment like a big girl then I won't have to make it longer." Cora said. The child looked at her mother and pondered her words. She nodded and stopped fighting. Her body shook with fear. Cora let go of her daughter and moved to a chair that sat in the corner. Regina followed without a word and allowed her mother to bend her over her knee. The belt cracked ten times._

"Mrs. White! You're back!" The young secretary exclaimed, rising in respect. Regina smiled.

"Yes. I am. Why don't you take an extra hour for lunch today? I need to speak with my mother." She said. Katheryn nodded and quickly made herself scarce. Regina took a note about her secretary's hasty exit and made a small plan to be nicer to her in the future. Regina rolled her shoulders back and stretched her neck. She stood right outside of her office. Mirrors lined the walls of her building, as they always had. She looked into the large one that had been built into the door. Her hand moved to the scar on her lip. Perhaps it was about time that something had happened to Cora.

After the beating that had ensued on her ninth birthday, Regina had resigned herself to never ask her mother for anything ever again. She would sit and stew in her anger instead. She would help herself so that her mother didn't have to worry or get her hands dirty. When Regina was 12, she spent four days walking around with broken ribs she had earned from a trip down the stairs before she finally begged her mother to take her to the hospital. This stupidity had earned her a good slap. When Regina got her first period, she hid the blood for as long as she could, but Cora found out. Rather than another lesson, Cora bought her a rose.

 _"You're a woman now." Cora crooned, stroking Regina's long black hair, "A bit of an early bloomer, but a woman all the same."_

 _"I am?"_

 _"Yes."_

 _"But it hurts." Regina whispered. The cramps in her abdomen were vicious._

 _"Oh, I know, my sweet. You have to be strong now. There's no more time for tears." Cora said kindly, taking Regina into a warm embrace. It was nice to feel her mother's kindness for once, so she let herself enjoy this moment. It wasn't a common one._

Many years later, in her early years of marriage to Leopold, Regina was visited by Cora.

 _"Why haven't you given me any grandchildren?" Cora snapped, keeping her voice low so that no one in the restaurant would overhear them._

 _"Mother." Regina warned. This was supposed to be a nice dinner for her birthday, but she quickly realized that this was a mistake._

 _"You've been married for two years, Regina. You can't expect me to believe that this isn't somehow your doing."_

 _"Mother, can we please just have a nice brunch?" Regina pressed. Her thoughts moved to the Xanax in her purse, but she held off for the moment. The painkillers were still humming in her cheeks, making her too warm._

 _"How can you expect to get the money if you don't give him an heir? You don't want that little princess of his taking over when he dies, do you?"_

 _"Mother! Please." Regina insisted. The waitress walked up to their table._

 _"Can I start you off with something to drink?" She asked. Regina nodded, but Cora ignored her._

 _"Two waters and a gin and tonic." Regina said, tired. The waitress looked between them for a moment, but decided to obey rather than get involved. She didn't even ask for Regina's ID._

 _"Drinking already? It's not even noon, Regina." Cora hissed._

 _"Mother, it is my birthday. Can we please just get through this? Why don't you tell me about your trip to China. That must have been fun." Regina said, softening. She fished a Xanax out of her purse and popped it into her mouth, swallowing it dry._

 _"You have to understand. I'm worried about you, sweetheart. Does Leopold not want to sleep with you?" Cora asked gently. Regina was very glad that she had popped that Xanax._

 _"That is none of your business."_

 _"I think it is."_

 _"Here is your water and your drink." The waitress said, placing the glasses on the table. Regina sipped her gin and tonic deeply before the waitress even had time to leave. Once she was gone, Regina bit her lip. The drugs and the gin were lowering her walls._

 _"I don't know what's wrong, mommy. I don't take birth control. We don't use condoms. I don't know what it is."_

 _"There, there, dear. We will figure this out."_

Regina fixed her skirt and touched at her scar again, remembering. She opened the door to her office and stepped through. Cora sat at her desk, looking through a pile of papers. Her glasses weren't on her face.

"Good morning, Mother." Regina said brightly. Cora looked up, startled.

"Regina! Where have you been?" She asked, slightly annoyed. Regina's heels clicked across the floor as she advanced on her mother. She was more alert than she had ever been in her life.

"I was in Long Island. You know that." Regina said, still smiling.

"What?" Cora asked, returning to her papers.

"What's wrong, Mother?" Regina asked gently. Cora glared at her.

"I'm trying to work, Regina, it would be nice if you didn't bother me." She snapped. Regina walked over to her desk and glanced over her mother's shoulder, almost unbothered by her mother's sharp tone. The papers were out of order, some of them were unrelated to each other. Anxiety rose in her chest.

"Mother, what are you working on?" She asked. Cora rolled her eyes.

"I don't have to explain what I do in _my_ company. You wouldn't understand it anyway." Cora exclaimed, clearly frustrated. Regina's temper flared a bit.

"Excuse me? This is _my_ company, actually. This is _my_ desk. So, I would appreciate it if you could move." Regina said coldly. Cora snapped her head in her daughter's direction.

"How dare you speak to me that way. You might think you're too old for the belt, but I'll have you know-"

"Mother!" Regina shouted, "Why are you acting like this?"

"Watch your tone. You'll never get a husband with a temper like that." Cora said, feigning sweetness. Regina's eyes went very wide and she silently watched the woman that raised her shuffle through the papers once and then again.

"Where is that no good father of yours? He could help me if-"

"Mother." Regina said quietly.

"What?" Cora asked, her tone showing the tiniest bit of fear. Regina had a million questions for her, but there was nothing she could say. She didn't want to know the answers.

"Nothing. I need to make a phone call." Regina said quickly. She exited through the door in a flash and shut it hard. She pulled out her phone. Both Rivers and Claude were by her side in an instant, silently waiting for orders. None came, but Regina scrolled through her phone. She wasn't sure who to call, truth be told. She could call Mal, though the older woman wouldn't be the most helpful. Emma? That was out of the question.

"Hello?"

"Hey."

"Regina, I'm in class what's up?" Snow whispered.

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Regina, what's wrong?" Snow pressed.

"You were right about my mother. Something _is_ wrong." Regina whispered. Her voice was thick with emotion. She felt highly exposed outside of her office, in the hall, where people could see her.

"Oh."

"She was pretending to work in my office. She thinks my father is still alive." Regina whispered. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes and she desperately wanted something to calm herself down.

"Do you think we should take her to a doctor?"

"Obviously." Regina snapped. Mary Margaret sighed.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you." She said quickly.

"It's fine. You've done worse." Snow said, louder now because she had walked out of her class.

"Right. Well, I suppose I should go get Cora to a doctor then."

"Yeah, I suppose you should."

"Bye."

"Goodbye, Regina." Snow said, then the call ended. That had been a bit less than pleasant, but now wasn't the time to fret over it. Her relationship with Mary Margaret was tense, to be sure. Sometimes it was tenser than others. This seemed to be one of those times. Regina sighed and pressed her head against the floor length mirror-door. She had to go back in there and somehow force her mother to go to the doctor. So much for getting back to work. She turned and looked at herself in the mirror again.

 _"Fuck." Regina whispered, taking more and more of Mal's fingers into her. The older woman smirked and her thrusts became harder._

 _"You like that?" She hissed. Regina could barely speak. A whimper slipped past her lips, but nothing more. Mal chuckled and kissed her lover's neck. The younger woman was seeing stars. The smell of the marijuana engulfed them both from their earlier activities. The pills swirled through their minds and bodies, increasing the pleasure. They were in the eye of a hurricane of feelings, so much so, that they didn't hear the front door open. They didn't hear the heels clicking down the hall, nor the bedroom door being pushed aside._

 _"Regina!" Cora shouted. Screams and scrambling ensued. Mal remained exposed, but Regina needed the shield of sheets._

 _"Mother!?" Regina snapped. Cora walked into the room, a dangerous look on her face._

 _"Is this what you've been doing all this time? Fucking Mallory!? How dare you!" Cora shrieked, reaching for the sheet. Mal extended a hand to stop the old witch, but was met with a menacing glare._

 _"You can get the fuck out." Cora snarled, "I need to speak to my harlot daughter."_

 _"Mother please-"_

 _"Shut up!" Cora shouted. Mal didn't move. She wasn't going to be ordered around by this-_

 _"If you don't get your sorry ass out of this bed and out of this fucking apartment, then you can kiss your arrangement with Gold goodbye." Cora warned. Mal's face twisted into a mask of rage, but she obeyed, picking up her clothes on her way out of the room. She listened in at the door, but remained outside. Regina trembled, naked before her mother, save for the sheet. Anxiety ripped through her._

 _"So, this is who you want to be." Cora said, suddenly calm and cold. The ice in her voice pricked a thousand little painful needles into Regina's heart._

 _"Mother I-"_

 _"I told you to shut the fuck up, Regina. I warned you. All I have done for you and this is how you repay me! By slutting around on the side! And with a woman no less!" Cora spat, ripping the sheet off her daughter's body. She grabbed Regina by the wrist and dragged her out of the bed. She barely struggled. Cora pushed her into the bathroom, in front of the sink._

 _"Look at yourself. I said look! You stupid slut. What if it had been your husband instead of me? Huh? What if he had found you?"_

 _"I don't know." Regina sobbed. Her olive skin glittered from the sweat of her tryst._

 _"You don't know, do you? Well, I'll give you a hint." Cora whispered, "He would have thrown you out onto the fucking street. Do you think I would have come to get you? Do you think I could even look at your stupid face after that? Answer me!"_

 _"No, mother."_

 _"You're damn right. Honestly, Regina, I have no idea why you are so hell-bent on ruining everything we have built. Do you truly hate me so much?"_

 _"No, mother." Regina sobbed._

 _"Stop crying. You're far too old for tears." Cora said, sounding incredibly tired, and she was. She was so tired of this silly little girl always trying to run away or wriggle out of all of her carefully laid plans._

 _"I'm sorry, mother." Regina whispered. Cora nodded._

 _"You are, but not sorry enough." Cora said sadly. She walked away, examining things in the bathroom; she was no longer able to look at her daughter. She picked up a glass bottle of aftershave, then a razor. She examined them with feigned interest. Time passed slowly and Regina found her resolve._

 _"I don't love him." She said quietly._

 _"What did you say?"_

 _"I said, I don't love him. I hate it here. His little brat of a daughter and his stupid house. He loves his wife and he doesn't even see me! He sees_ _ **her**_ _face when he climbed on top of me. He thinks I don't notice, but I know. I don't care about the money. I hate it! Mal is the one thing I have that makes my life bearable."_

 _"Her and all the pills you pop." Cora sneered. Regina bristled._

 _"I would think that you could understand this. You haven't been sober in years! You're not exactly the fucking wife of the year either. After all, weren't you fucking Gold while you were married to Daddy!?" Regina snapped. Cora turned and threw the bottle. It hit Regina hard in the face, knocking her into the mirror, which shattered upon impact. Regina screamed, blood running down her face. Glass was everywhere, in her skin and all over the sink. She slid to the floor, her hands hovering in front of her cuts. Mal rushed back into the room, no longer worried about Cora's threats._

 _"Oh my god. What the fuck, Cora?!" Mal shouted, approaching Regina._

 _"I don't like what she was saying to me." Cora said, shock clear in her voice. She walked out of the room without looking back. Maybe she shed a tear or two, maybe she didn't. She was gone all the same. Mal cradled Regina in her arms, letting her sob and scream. The glass burned in her flesh._

 _"Come on, we have to get you to the ER." Mal said. Regina was too afraid to move. She could feel the blood running down her lip and into her mouth. Her eyes still worked, but she couldn't bear to touch her face. The pain was white hot and the aftershave mixed into the cuts. She shook her head at Mal._

 _"No." She insisted. She didn't want to go. She didn't want to be seen like this._

 _"Fine. Let's rinse you off then." She insisted, helping the younger woman to her feet. She leaned her on the counter and moved to turn on the shower. Regina was so small, leaning against the marble, naked as the day she was born. Blood ran down her face and onto the white of the marble. Regina saw it through her tears and frantically tried to wipe it away. Marble stains so easily._

 _"Come here." Mal said. Regina just kept trying to get the blood out._

 _"I'll get it, Regina. Just get in the damn shower." Mal snapped, trying to mask her concern. Finally, Regina walked into the shower. The water was agony, but it cleaned out the aftershave. Mal slipped her clothes off and climbed into the water. She picked pieces of glass out of her lover's face. The damage wasn't too bad, but there was a serious gash on her top lip. It seemed to be the only major injury. Regina just cried. She cried and cried and cried. Mal held her close, whispering kind things into her ears. They weren't heard._

 _"She didn't mean it." Regina whispered, "She didn't mean to."_

 _"Shh. It's ok, darling."_

 _"She didn't mean to." Regina sobbed. Mal wasn't sure what to say exactly. She hated Cora, she really did, but she didn't want to upset Regina any more than she was already. The blonde wiped the blood and tears away. She began to hum, holding her tiny, broken princess as the water pounded down on them. She hated to be involved, truth be told, but Regina was her exception. She was her weakness._

 _"I'm going to kill her." Regina whispered. Mal clutched her tighter._

Regina opened the door to her office and walked inside. Cora was staring at papers on the desk, trying to make sense of them, and failing. She slammed her hand on the desk. She looked up at her daughter, but did not see her.

"Who gave you permission to come in here?" Cora snapped. Regina felt her eyes becoming wet with tears.

"I'm here to help you, mother."

"Mother? Regina? Is that you? You look awful." Cora said, confused.

"Mother, we need to-"

"No. You're Zelena…" Cora whispered, suddenly terrified. Regina froze.

"What?"

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Cora whispered. Regina's eyes widened. She called in her guards. The time for finesse was over.

Emma was lying on her couch. Killian and James were sitting in the kitchen.

"Are you ever going to stop moping, love?" Killian called into the living room. Emma groaned and turned over.

"I'll take that as a no." James said. Emma rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. She wondered how Regina was doing, but she had been wondering about that for days. She fiddled with the cell phone in her pocket. Maybe she should call her. Just to see how things are going. The call went to voicemail, but she didn't leave one. Emma rolled onto her side. She was worried about the woman, but she didn't want to worry about her. She was strong. She was fine. The phone rang and she answered it before the ringtone could even get through one cycle.

"Hello?"

"Emma."

"Hey. Are you ok? You sound upset."

"My mother is with the doctor now." Regina managed, holding back a flood of tears.

"Is she ok?"

"She didn't know who I was, Emma."

"Wait. What?"

"I don't know. She thought I was someone else. I don't know what's wrong with her."

"Do you want me to…" Emma said quietly.

"Not right now. I need to see what the doctor says."

"Ok. Are you alright?"

"Not really." Regina said, a soft laugh masking the storm raging inside of her.

"Ok."

"I have to go, but thanks for calling."

"Sure."

"Bye." Regina whispered, finally letting go of a tear.

"Bye, Regina." Emma said gently. The call ended and Regina took a long, deep breath. She was freaking out, but she needed to calm down. Her hands fiddled with the latches on her purse out of habit. She knew that there wasn't anything in her purse that would help her. She flexed her fingers. Should she have gone into the room with her mother? She couldn't bear the thought of it.

"Mrs. White?" The doctor said gently, rousing Regina from her thoughts.

"Yes?"

"I think you had better come in and sit down." He said, his voice gentle and concerned. She nodded and walked after him, past the room where she knew her mother was being kept. They walked to his office and she took a seat. She wrung her hands together.

"Your mother is very confused." Dr. Hopper said quietly.

"I got that."

"I need to run some more tests, but I want you to understand the seriousness of your mother's condition."

"Out with it!" Regina snapped. Her anxiety was cutting hard into her chest.

"Alright. I believe that she is experiencing moderate symptoms of Alzheimer's." He said calmly. Regina gasped, clutching her mouth. She hated how much sense that made.

"No." She whispered.

"I'm afraid that her symptoms are quite clear, Mrs. White."

"Don't call me that."

"Alright. Either way, I believe you should start thinking about hiring a home nurse for her, unless you would prefer to have her stay with you."

"Fuck."

 **So, that's it for this chapter. There will be a short epilogue and then a sequel. Bless all of you for your delightful words and encouragements. Drop me a review and let me know what you think.**

 **Xoxo.**

 **Q.M.**


	16. Epilogue

Epilogue: Radio

Regina had spent her entire life under the cruel thumb of Cora. She had been bloodied and bruised in her mother's rage, raised up by her mother's ambition, and now she was being tempted by her mother's decaying condition. She wanted to call Gold and order a small supply of Xanax, but she knew better. Cora wasn't worth the relapse. Zelena, she had learned, was her half-sister who lived overseas. Regina supposed she should have been shocked by her mother's wellspring of secrets, but she really wasn't. She also supposed that it should be hard to be angry with her mother even with the condition, but it really wasn't. Regina was furious with Cora, even if she didn't always know who she was. How the old witch had managed to keep her memories issues a secret for so long was the real mystery.

"Wow, Regina. That's pretty intense." Emma said quietly. The café buzzed around them.

"Yes. I suppose it is." Regina said quietly into her coffee.

"How are you holding up?"

"Fine, I suppose. Gold put me in contact with Zelena and she is going to be staying with my mother for a little while. Apparently, they kept in contact over the years."

"Shit, man."

"Tell me about it. Or don't actually. I think I've heard enough news to last me a while."

"That's fair." Emma said, smiling cautiously.

"Thank you for coming today."

"I wanted to see you."

"And I wanted to see you." Regina said, finally looking up. Her dark brown eyes were warmer than Emma expected. She took Emma's hand and it was nice for a moment, just to sit with one another. The café whirled with excitement, but it seemed more comforting than overbearing for the moment.

"I think I want to do this." Emma said quietly. Regina's heart skipped a beat.

"Really?" Regina said. She looked so young suddenly.

"Yeah." Emma said, placing her other hand onto Regina's. They just looked at each other for a moment, and just for this moment it seemed that the whole world of nightmares they had endured and soon would endure could wait. Just for a moment.

"Are you going to freak out if I kiss you right now?" Emma asked, cracking a small smile. Regina smirked back.

"I might 'freak out' if you don't." Regina said huskily. So, Emma leaned over the table and pressed her lips to Regina. It was awkward, but full of something that might someday be called love. It wasn't yet, but it might be one day. For now, it was just a kiss. The hands that were wrapped up in each other were more of a beginning.


End file.
